


Shallow Breathing

by kreigen



Series: Madame Vastra & Jenny [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, One Shot Collection, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-01-23 04:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12499112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kreigen/pseuds/kreigen
Summary: This is a selection of one-shots about Vastra/Jenny that I have written over the last few years.Enjoy :)(FYI the warning is for right at the end of the fic, so if you don't like the idea you can easily skip it - I will signpost it nearer the time).





	1. Pose

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is based off the Jenny posing scene in Deep Breath. If you watch carefully as Madame Vastra turns the easel round - there is a picture behind of a previous drawing attempt (go see!). This is a one-shot based on how that picture came to be.

"Draw me?!"

Jenny Flint's voice almost cracked with incredulity; the young woman nearly spat her tea out she was so surprised by the request.

"Do you doubt my abilities, my love?"

Madame Vastra cocked her forehead, her tone calculating, eyeing her wife suspiciously as she sat across from her. The pair were sat in their lavish conservatory, beautiful, exotic greenery speckling the room which gave backdrop to the quaint scene which was unfolding. As was accustomed however, their focus was almost exclusively on each other.

"No!" Jenny breathed, aghast, quickly correcting the misunderstanding and tacitly sensing the reflexive relaxation in her wife's face. Jenny was acutely aware just how much her opinion mattered to Vastra, and sometimes had to work hard to avoid any negative interpretation of innocent words from the often paradoxically naïve Silurian, "It's just that…" Jenny stared down into the fine tea-cup that rest in her now fumbling hands, "Why  _me_?" she finished, apprehensive and self-conscious.

Even after several years of happy marriage, Jenny Flint still had difficulty appreciating what Vastra saw in her appearance, despite numerous, welcome compliments from her wife. She had always known that she was more than plain; from general comments to the limited affection she had received before Vastra's life had collided with her own, but something prevented her from being able to view herself as anything more than 'above average'. Jenny always put it down to her parents, her Mother especially; years of non-acceptance leading to outright abandonment hadn't completely rolled off her back. There was that short incident with another match girl, but even then she had been more interested in using Jenny than admiring her. Put simply, Jenny never saw herself as any sort of 'Grand Beauty', so Vastra's unshackled, indulgent worship of her body was, whilst in no way unwanted, a bit of a shock. So when Vastra had sprung the idea of using Jenny as a subject for life drawing, the young maid had nearly passed out, so great was her bafflement.

Jenny toyed with her fingers, running them over the edge of the cooling teacup, knowing that Vastra was observing her movements. A quick glance up confirmed that the almost irritatingly perceptive Silurian was indeed deducing her reaction from subtle body language cues. Jenny blushed, and glanced back down, only further confirming what her wife almost certainly already knew – she was embarrassed. It was during moments such as these that Jenny was relieved that she could choose when to telepathically connect with Vastra.

"Why my dear Jenny…" Vastra rose from her favourite garden chair, placing her tea back down on the counter, a troubled concern teetering on the edges of her words. Jenny felt a lump forming in the back of her throat, self-doubt pinching at her cheeks and flushing them into an even deeper shade of red, "One only wishes to depict images of the greatest beauty and vitality!" Vastra spread her arms out to the room around them, full of such things that fit that description, she clearly thought. However, one always caught her attention more than the others, "It is only logical to choose the most important and beautiful of them all" Vastra sauntered across to Jenny and lifted the human's lowered chin with one seductive, scaly finger, "Besides…" she smiled, lustfully, "Do I need an  _excuse_  to appreciate my wife's body?".

Jenny felt the lump shift instantly at the deep tones of Vastra's seductive drawl, and in it's a place a mad quickening rush through to her breast. She smiled, and felt a small rush of confidence. Whilst it was true that he self-respect had been nearly irrevocably damaged by the past treatment of her biological family (and all the attached associations to them), Vastra had to be credited for the fantastic job she had done in building her back up from scratch. To her, it had been the true definition of a 'labour of love'. She had gone from a dying street rat to a cherished wife and fearless warrior, and that had involved steps that had been many, and not all of them simple. It was because of this that, despite the wild, animal desire Jenny could read in Vastra's wide eyes as she gazed down hopefully, Jenny could still feel love and care softening the edges, and wavering her resolve. It was only testament to the bond they had tirelessly worked on since the day Vastra had offered her a hand up in a darkened alleyway, and Jenny had taken it without hesitation. It was this trust between them that Jenny reminded herself of as she reconsidered the proposal.

"If,  _if_  I say yes…" Jenny emphasised, as Vastra's look transformed to a look of glee, "You gotta promise that there ain't a soul that's gonna see these pictures other than  _you"_  Jenny stabbed a finger at Vastra, trying hard to be stern with her, but feeling her countenance crack. Vastra simply smirked and drew her face closer to Jenny's own, sending the woman's heart drumming painfully against her sternum. She could have counted the scales on her wife's face, she was so close.

"Now…" Vastra bent down to Jenny's seated level, so that their faces were now directly opposite, "You  _know_  I don't share…" Vastra slid her cool hands across Jenny's small, feminine chin, appreciating her handsome jawline; she raised her brow playfully, "I'm sure you do not wish to either"

Jenny cursed her own arousal, which was beginning to get the better of her. Vastra's beautiful azure eyes bored through her own with an almost endearingly earnest hope, and it did seem a somewhat harmless idea after all. But the human wasn't known for being completely soft, and now was not the time to let Vastra's powerful allure override her senses.

"Not with  _anyone_  my love" Jenny replied, placing her hands delicately on Vastra's shoulders and tracing her green neckline with her thumbs, it was taking almost inhuman strength not to give in to her body's natural urge to pounce on her wife, but she painfully resisted (at least until the conclusion of this conversation), "But what d'ya actually expect me to do?"

"Well I was hoping…" Vastra let her hands stray down to the pressed, white collar of Jenny's shirt and began to pry it away from her soft, pink mammalian skin, "The endeavour would not require any of your boring human clothing, so fussy it is to depict…" Vastra unbuttoned the first button of the shirt, and Jenny heard herself audibly gulping, "…and given that it would be such a shame to waste a pleasant situation such as that, I could easily reward you in kind directly afterwards." Jenny's ragged breathing was giving away any pretence of subtlety she had been planning on maintaining, which Vastra was very obviously delighting in, "If it makes you feel more comfortable, we could start with your back to me?" Vastra worked a finger down the tip of Jenny's breastbone, now exposed from the freed button, and drew circles around it, "If you enjoy the experience then perhaps we could work our way up to something more…" Vastra started on undoing Jenny's tie, "…revealing….", the Silurian's gaze moved down to Jenny's front, unadulterated wanting turning her a very deep shade of green.

Before Jenny even had time to agree, she found she had managed to deftly fling Vastra to the floor and had engaged her in a  _very_ deep and passionate kiss. She could feel her wife trying not to laugh with triumphant amusement.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

* * *

"'Ow long do I'ave to sit 'ere for?!"

Jenny felt a shiver down her exposed back, she had no idea how long she had truly been sat there, but it certainly seemed like a long time; Jenny did not like sitting still for any great length of time. She was cross legged, with her back to Vastra (as she had taken up the Silurian's idea of easing her in gently), one arm across her shoulder, and the other on the opposing knee. Apparently this pose was for "angles" but to Jenny it just felt damned uncomfortable.

"Patience, my dear. I am almost complete"

Vastra's voice sounded distracted, and Jenny guessed (without looking around) that Vastra was only half-paying attention to what she was saying, and was more engrossed in her drawing.

"Can you please explain why I agreed to this again?" Jenny was glad of the bright light streaming through the windows and seeping through the gaps in the large-leafed plants that stood in front of them; if it had been a cold day she had no idea how she would have coped being completely naked for this long. Strax had been distracted for the day by being given another weekend off to visit Scotland (apparently he had a score to settle with a delightful human scumbag that had been interrupted by the events of Trenzalore), so she wasn't so much worried about being walked in on as how long it was going to take to get to the good bit of this bargain.

"Because you are a good wife" Vastra stated, nonplussed, "Besides, it is in the name of  _art_ "

Jenny had a bad feeling that ambiguous excuse might return someday, and made a mental note not to let Vastra get away with it so easily next time.

"You know, it is a shame that you don't just pose like this for fun sometimes…" Vastra murmured, half to herself, "Goodness knows I could happily be distracted by you all day"

"Now you're pushin' your luck Missus!" Jenny protested, "You'll have to provide me with some damn good rewards if you ever want to see me give in to that lark!"

"That could be arranged my love, now try to keep still – you twitch when you get indignant"

Jenny sighed, torn between secret enjoyment of her wife's wanton enjoyment of her naked form, and exasperation with the monotony of posing. She had to admit that it was the greatest compliment that the Silurian was so in awe of her – it wasn't so far out of her memory that she couldn't remember her wife being unable to distinguish humans from great apes, or indeed, almost unable to control her desire to wreak revenge on them. That she had come full circle from that to wanting to gaze upon her all day reminded Jenny that is was not only her own self that had undergone a somewhat remarkable transformation over the course of their relationship.

"Come on Vastra- I'm not that big, you've gotta almost be done!"

Jenny's comment went unanswered, and she realised the room had gone eerily silent.

"Vastra?" Jenny shivered again, starting to feel the chill despite the warmth of the day, "Vastra what'ya playing at-"

"You know your hormones are almost as loud as you my love, I can barely concentrate with the amount of pheromones in the air"

Vastra's voice was close, right behind her to be precise, and at her ear level. Jenny couldn't suppress a surprised smile; the Silurian was always inclined to show off her prowess at sneaking up on her when she was at her most playful.

"I take it you've finished then?" Jenny quipped, her grin broadening, "Does this mean I can finally move?" she went to turn her head, but stopped at a mock-hiss from her lover.

"Now, now…" Jenny could hear Vastra shuffle carefully closer to her, "Do you want to spoil the surprise? You've been such a good little ape…" Jenny faked a gasp at the affront.

"Keep talking to me like that, and it won't be 'appening again!"

"I highly doubt it…" Vastra chuckled, and Jenny drew a deep breath as her warm breath graced her exposed ears, "Not after what I'm about to give you in return…"

Jenny felt Vastra's legs spread astride her – the green scales glinting in the sunlight as they came into her eye's range. A strong pair of reptilian arms followed, as Jenny was pulled back into Vastra's waiting body. Despite the coolness of her wife's skin, Jenny felt her whole body heat up again, and all feelings of cold were long abandoned.

"'Ow on Earth did you take off all those clothes without me 'earing you?" Jenny laughed, melting into Vastra's grip and cocking her head to take in the alien woman's beautiful countenance. It had to be said, she wouldn't mind herself if Vastra sat around naked once in a while, such a breathtakingly beautiful sight it was.

"Now I can't have you knowing  _all_  my tactical secrets can I?" Vastra smiled, her hands gracing across the front of Jenny's body, making Jenny jerk with heightened sensitivity, "Now I think there was some talk of a reward…" Jenny's breath hitched as Vastra's body started to elaborate on what such a reward was to include.

The drawing stood unattended as Vastra spelled out all the reasons to Jenny why its creation has been worthwhile.

Jenny certainly was looking forward to their next session of 'art'.


	2. Assurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the positive feedback - I am going to take this as a sign you want more so I will start to upload my Jenny/Vastra stuff over (I have two other fics and this one, so it will take a little time)
> 
> So this chapter is addressing the flirting from Vastra towards Clara in "Deep Breath"...I don't think she would get away with that one completely! I will reference this conversation in a later chapter also :)

"I've done something insensitive  _again_ , haven't I?"

The look Jenny was giving Vastra was almost an exact replica of the one she had given her at Demon's Run, after she had commented on the Doctor's handsome demeanour...and then said that apes look the same to her (even Vastra had to admit, that part had not been wise, or strictly true). At the time, Vastra had thought Jenny's reaction to be highly uncalled for; surely her lover could see she meant the remark only objectively? Besides, his looks  _had_  drastically improved from the very first time Vastra had encountered him (Time Lords and their  _regeneration_ , such a folly to keep up with, she thought), and the second time they had met she had barely had time to regard him, too busy she was trying to save Jenny's life!

That particular misunderstanding between her and her lover at Demon's Run (for she was not quite her wife at the time, yet) had been very easily resolved with a quick trick of the tongue (both to quell the soldiers and...later that evening). However, there was one aspect of the look she was receiving now that prevented from being an exact replica of the first, and that was that this time, the glare in her now wife's eyes was  _at least_  twice as dangerous. There was not much else that frightened Vastra more than Jenny's trademark 'mean' stare, save for Jenny's life being put in danger (ultimately Vastra's worst fear).

"Now is not the time to discuss it,  _dear_ " Jenny replied, a pointed emphasis delivered on the last word, devoid of its usual affection. Strain was clearly evident in her usually upbeat tone, a change that was liable to make even Vastra's strong nerves tremble slightly. Jenny slipped on her leather cat suit and started to polish her sword with an unusually meticulous rigour, avoiding making any further eye contact with Vastra. Jenny had been keeping to herself ever since Clara had left to answer the mysterious advertisement left (allegedly) in the newspaper by the Doctor. Vastra had foolishly assumed that her wife was just engaged in some task, and had taken to her study to try and form a working hypothesis on the mystery at hand; the part about the dinosaur had particularly piqued her interest. But after Clara had been absent for a disconcertingly long period of time, and Vastra had called the house to a state of emergency meeting in the drawing room, it became clear that this had not been the correct course of action to take. Jenny had sullenly listened and nodded as Vastra went over the plan to scout the restaurant, and she hadn't managed a smile when Vastra had suggested her plans for their entrance (if her assumption the restaurant was hiding something deep underground was proved correct, she had devised their most fantastic stunt yet). She hadn't even got a "Yes Ma'am" out of her, and even that neutral term would have been more welcome than silence. Vastra now understood that her neglect to attend to her wife in the intervening time had only served to complicate whatever offence she had caused Jenny. It was never good to let Jenny stew when she was upset; Vastra had learnt this the hard way more than once across their marriage.

Now there was the unfathomable mystery of how to deflate the situation without further deepening the trouble she had already managed to bring upon herself. For someone who had earned the title of the 'Great Detective', Vastra was painfully aware of how out-of-touch she could be with human emotional trivialities, especially those of women. Vastra shook her head to herself and internally hissed; it was moments like these which made her curse her attraction to these apes, not to mention the female of the species...and to one in particular. As pretty or handsome as humans could admittedly be, she never imagined that such a deep connection would ever form between herself and one of their race. But formed it had, and there was no question of her ever forsaking it; Vastra couldn't even bare to imagine a reality without her wife, not to mention the fantastic adventures they indulged in. But inevitably that meant hard work would have to be employed at some point, as (to her detriment) Vastra had slowly begun to understand that humans had a tendency to sensitivity. This indeed seemed to be the cause of this new disagreement, and effort was certainly going to have to be employed in order to solve it.

Vastra adjusted the cuffs of her own cat suit and took a very deep breath; if she was going to right this situation, she was first going to have to fathom what action of hers had so offended Jenny. Jenny was still resolutely looking down and away from the Silurian, giving the impression that her descent into anger was teetering on a very thin ledge. Strax had long since left the room to attend to the carriage. Vastra felt a pinch in her innards, she truly despised causing distress to her beloved human, but it almost felt like it was something she was destined to always inflict from time to time; she put it down to simple cultural misunderstandings, or perhaps her own incompetence.

" _Please"_  Vastra implored, gripping her hands tightly on the edge of a nearby wooden chair, claws leaving telling indents hinting to the state of her nerves, "Jenny we can't go into combat like this, it is positively dangerous!" Vastra ventured appealing to the logical side of Jenny's personality might be to her advantage; it was true that being 'out of sync' with your battle partner could be fatal - all your resentment should be saved for the enemy.

Jenny laughed cynically, a bad reaction, "Is  _that_  all you care about?" she murmured, shaking her petite head in disbelief. Vastra almost cried out in exasperation; yet another wrong move! She may as well have swiped her own Queen off the chessboard!

"No of course not!" Vastra gripped the chair tighter, and felt the wood give and splinter under her dexterous hands. She jolted and hissed in pain as the sudden crack pierced the scales of her left hand. Cradling it in her right, she fought the urge to snap the cursed object in two – losing her temper would not aid her case.

"Are you alright?"

Jenny had finally looked up, concern overtaking her features for a moment, looking as if she wanted to go to Vastra. The Silurian felt some comfort in the renewed attention from her wife, but still felt a physical and emotional block preventing full contact.

"I'm fine" Vastra growled, closing her eyes tightly and collecting herself, "Jenny  _please_ " she looked up at the human in desperation, and saw Jenny flinch at the expression on her face, "Just tell me what is wrong"

Jenny sighed heavily, and placed the blade down to lean against the wall, conceding defeat.

"Why do you have to flirt with her like that?" she shrugged, her anger now morphing into hurt. Vastra didn't know which one was worse.

"What?" Vastra replied, momentarily confused.

"Don't play stupid with me!" Jenny's eyes widened in disbelief, "A short, pretty brunette?" She cocked her eyebrow and threw her arms out.

Vastra felt her body slump with guilt, a slightly nauseous feeling climbing its way slowly up her throat. She had thought it all harmless, playful bantering; she hadn't even considered that Jenny might take it seriously.

"Oh my dear, you may as well accuse me of having feelings for Strax!"

"As if that is the same!" Jenny shouted back, once again on the brink of losing her temper.

"Well he is brown…" Jenny shot Vastra a warning glance which made her feel a lot shorter than her wife, "But that isn't the point" Vastra slapped her hands on her face and made her way round to sit on the broken chair, her legs feeling weak, "Jenny I'm just as likely to go off with our Sontaran Butler than the Doctor's travelling companion"

"And why's that?" Jenny shot back, gesticulating wildly.

Vastra drew her hands from her face, suppressing the urge to surrender to despair. That little reserve of self-hatred that had persevered from the day she was awoken in the tube extension had managed to gain a voice again; as it always did when she dug herself into an impossible hole such as this. How could she manage to be  _this_  tactless with her wife even after all the happy years they had already shared? Surely she should be able to understand her by now? Most of the time it felt like they tessellated together perfectly; but then moments like this made Vastra doubt whether she was really worthy of the human. That persistent feeling of inadequacy hammered back and forth between her eyes and up to her crests as she looked up at her beloved human, desperate not to let her down.

"Because they are not  _you"_

* * *

They had had a similar discussion years ago, when they were still lovers and not married, Vastra knew it was sometime in 1890 – she couldn't remember exactly. They had just come back from a case involving a prostitution ring and a string of sacrificial murders that had ultimately led back to an elderly female ringleader. She had been grey, hard, and unrepentant as the police led her away. Vastra found it hard to remember the particulars of the case now, only that Jenny had seemed really affected by it, and had become withdrawn when they returned back to Paternoster Row, shutting herself away in the spare bedroom she had once inhabited before their romantic relationship had developed. Vastra had fretted around uncertainly, pacing back and forth before she finally had mustered the courage to go knock on the door. She hadn't even bothered to get changed out of her warrior's clothing. She had been worried then that she had done something wrong, and she still was inexperienced in dealing with the mood-related peculiarities of her human lover (not that she was all that much better at it now).

"Come in" Jenny whimpered.

Vastra opened the door to find her companion sat on the edge of the bed, still in her trademark fighting shirt and tie, with the collar unceremoniously undone and pulled aside. Her eyes were sore – as if they had been crying and then quickly rubbed in an attempt to hide it. The room was dark save for a single candle burning on the nightstand, now getting low. She looked wretched with some sort of undefinable sorrow. Vastra felt as if her heart may cave in on itself, she could barely look at the poor girl and not be sucked in by a general feeling of despair.

"Jenny!" Vastra swung down in front of the human, taking her hands in her own and kneeling so she could look up at Jenny's fallen face, "Jenny whatever is the matter my love?"

Jenny's lower lip trembled as she squeezed back on Vastra's fingers; she looked as if she was struggling to maintain her composure.

"I'll be like that one day" she whispered, her voice suffering from minor breaks.

"Like what?" Vastra lifted Jenny's chin with a firm palm, "Jenny who do you think you will be like?"

Jenny eyed her Silurian lover cautiously, clearly reluctant to admit what she needed to.

"Like that woman…"

"Whatever do you mean dear?!" Vastra stood up and sat next to Jenny on the bed, noting how hard the mattress was compared to her own, and making a mental note to apologise to Jenny for imposing it on her in the beginning, "Jenny you are nothing like that wretched criminal!" she placed an arm around Jenny's shaking shoulders.

"No." Jenny sniffed, "But I'll be  _old_  one day Vastra, I won't be young and pretty forever" she turned to Vastra vulnerably, tshe Silurian could swear Jenny was shrinking in her grasp.

"Yes…" Vastra replied, not quite understanding the point of this conversation, "I thought that was quite rudimentary in all life forms?" It seemed ridiculous to the ancient lizard that this fact would bother someone as smart as Jenny; surely this was not new knowledge to her that she would inevitably age?

"You're missing the point" Jenny laughed bitterly, "Vastra…will you still…" Jenny swallowed loudly, almost unable to complete the sentence, "Still want to..." Jenny stopped mid-sentence, but this time it was the intervention of Vastra's finger on her lips that cut her off. The Great Detective could predict the trajectory of this conversation, and was actually a little surprised that this hadn't occurred to Jenny before. Of course it had dawned on Vastra that if they did not die on one of their various escapades, Vastra stood a good chance of seeing Jenny's lifespan through to its conclusion. It was not something she wanted to dwell on excessively, as there was little to be done to prevent it, but she had absolutely no intention of giving up any potential time with her lover. She wanted to greedily devour every second that was presented to her. After that? It didn't bear considering.

"I see where this is going now" Vastra smirked knowingly, "Jenny, do you really think that I am that much of a hypocrite?"

"No! I-"

"You are courting an alien reptile who is technically millions of years old, if you had forgotten" Vastra grinned, it never failed to please her that she had somehow found a mate who could disregard all these facts, shaking herself out of it for Jenny's sake, she continued, "Jenny, if I were to abandon you when you showed signs of natural aging, then I would not be deserving of your attention to begin with!"

Jenny smiled tentatively, and Vastra drew their torsos round so that they were turned face-to-face. She had hoped the human would have a little more faith in Vastra's sincerity, but she also suspected that this reaction was more correlated to Jenny's own self-confidence than any doubts about the longevity of their relationship.

"I believe the human saying is "until death do us part"?" Vastra asked, her body rushing with wild excitement and apprehension. She had been researching human mating rituals extensively over the past few months in order to find some sort of method of commitment that she could present to her mate. She did not desire to lose her human to another suitor, and she was observant enough to see the looks Jenny got whilst walking down the street (very unlike the looks she got herself). If it would also serve the purpose of reassuring the woman of her that her intentions towards her did not have a tangible end point, then that would only make it more worthwhile.

"You…" Jenny frowned, "Vastra are you saying we should get married?"

"What I'm saying is that I desire no other mate Jenny, whether you are twenty years old or two hundred…" Vastra gripped purposefully on Jenny's lean arms, wondering momentarily if she had acted too impulsively.

"I don't think I'll quite make it that far love!" Jenny giggled, easing Vastra's nerves.

"You know what I mean, cheeky ape! Now don't interrupt…" Vastra mock slapped Jenny on the side, "You are beautiful my love, but that will not change with time, only evolve." Vastra rolled her eyes "Besides, I would have thought that if anyone would have apprehensions about age and appearance…" Vastra trailed off.

"What, after I've gone through all this lark?!" Jenny shuffled slightly closer to Vastra and drew the Silurian's hands down into her own, "I love you just the way you are, scales and all!"

"Do you not think you deserve the same respect?"

Jenny blushed, unable to answer the question.

"If the correct cultural representation of my desire to bond with you exclusively to either one of our deaths is a human marriage, then that is what I wish for" Vastra smiled earnestly. Jenny struggled to stifle her laughter, her shoulders jumping up and down in amusement.

"Cor blimey!" she smiled broadly, "It ain't exactly romance is it?" Jenny grabbed the confused Silurian's face quickly and kissed her enthusiastically, "Well maybe it is for your kind" her eyes sparkled in delight, "Ain't going to stop me saying yes!"

* * *

Thinking back to that incident made Vastra want to bite herself in frustration; she should have known better than to play upon Jenny's deeply held insecurities. With context it was patently obvious that she would have been upset with her (albeit motiveless) flirtations with Clara, there probably was a part of her that still held all the same fears that they had discussed the night she had almost accidentally proposed.

"Not  _me?"_  Jenny questioned curiously, intrigued by her wife's turn of phrase.

"You've completely ruined me for anyone else my love" Vastra gazed out of the window into the Victorian street; to the alien buildings and the strange society she had been forced to find a place in -  _home_  now, "I am not beyond admitting that if I had the chance to return to my own race now, or to have never been awoken by that blasted tunneling shield, I wouldn't take it"

Vastra felt a small slither of shame at the suggestion, at what her sisters would have made of such a blasphemous proposition, the look of disgust on their defined reptilian faces; but ultimately she just hoped that her family would have settled for Vastra just being happy, eventually. All hypothetical nonsense anyway; she sighed heavily, and Jenny seemed to be reading her mind.

"You…you don't mean that" Jenny squinted, taking a step towards her wife.

"I do" Vastra stated categorically, closing her eyes sorrowfully.

She heard the surprised gasp from her wife, and a shuffling noise as she came a little closer. She had never made that admission so plainly before, and in voicing it she acknowledged how undeniably true it was. Her previous society would have called it weakness to be so desperately attached to such a fallible, vulnerable mammal, so prone to short lives. But it was far beyond her control. Despite all outwards appearances to the contrary, she had surrendered all her strength to a single human.

"I am truly sorry my dear, I didn't mean any harm by it…" Vastra clenched her eyes tighter, fighting back tears, "But you  _must_  know that there is only you! You must know there are things I would do for you that I would not do for  _anyone_ -"

A warm kiss on the tip of her crest cut her off, stealing her breath in one subtle glance of the lips. A delightfully soft pair of hands caressed the back of her scaly neck. Vastra gave herself a moment to collect herself before opening her eyes. Forgiveness – she had far too much of it than she deserved in this lifetime, she was sure of it.

"Why don't you prove it to me sometime?" Jenny smiled genuinely, no hint of her previous anger or coolness left to be found in her face, not even a trace. Why the human was so always fast to absolve her, Vastra would never understand.

"I shall" Vastra stood and took her wife into her arms, holding her in a passionately close embrace, "Always"

She may have sacrificed her Queen early on in the conversation, but the Knight was always ready for backup.

"Now, what was this you were saying about entering down a reel of cloth?" Jenny smirked mischievously.

"Oh my love!" Vastra broke free gleefully to ceremoniously pick up her sword and sheath it, "It is going to be fabulous!"


	3. Connection - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a take on how Vastra/Jenny achieved their ESP/Telepathic connection in Deep Breath.
> 
> I have decided to bend the rules slightly and split this "one" shot into two parts

The first time it had happened, it had been a mistake. But by the time they had reached the underground of Mancini's Family Restaurant (or perhaps more correctly, the crashed Clockwork Droid Ship) and had taken that decisive last gasp of air, Jenny had never been more thankful that such an accidental fortune had occurred since the day she first encountered Madame Vastra.

The battle had been poorly weighted out of their favour from the beginning. The Clockwork Droids were relentless and fearless, and strongly fortified. Jenny, Vastra, and Strax had done their best to protect Clara and keep the droids at bay, but the droid attacks were uncompromising and soon they found themselves helplessly swarmed.

Jenny's heart had wrenched as she heard her wife's voice shout her name out in desperation, both as a cry for help, and a call of a lover's concern. That same heart had fallen at the sound of the clattering blades on the hard floor of the ship, and the feeling of the strange human and droid hybrid hands closing around her small frame. She could see that all her companions were faring equally as badly, and just prayed that the Doctor could solve this catastrophe before they were all carved up into spare parts. If it did come to that however, her last wish was to be that she was taken first. She couldn't stomach the idea of having to watch as her wife and her friends were butchered, and would most certainly rather die than ever see any harm come to any of them.

It had only been Clara's quick thinking that had given them a small reprieve. Jenny had begun to believe that hope was lost (something Vastra had warned her never to do, a self-defeating cycle), when the clever young woman had suggested holding their breath. Amazingly, it had worked (at least temporarily), but the initial rush of relief that Jenny had experienced had quickly dulled to sheer panic as her body began to kick for air. As good as an idea that it was, it was no plan; and as Vastra always taught – 'An action is only as good as the reaction it fosters'. Always think ahead, always plan two steps in advance…that was what Jenny was used to. Without the usual iron-clad, step-by-step strategy her wife always had in place, Jenny found herself floundering in despair. What complicated the conundrum was that the devastating fear gripping her senses made it impossible to calm her pacing heart and conserve her limited time.

Now Jenny knew that she had only moments before she would be forced to reveal herself, and submit to the droids. Jenny cursed at her weakness, not understanding how she couldn't have taken a greater gulp of air, just to hold on for a few additional seconds. But if this was to be her last act, she knew she needed to communicate with her wife, before she was taken.

It was an ability that had been unexpected for both of them, and not one they were inclined to use often – strenuous as it was for Jenny's mind which was not naturally suited to such forms of communication. When they had discovered her (albeit limited) aptitude for linking telepathically with the Silurian, it had revealed more about their relationship than they were perhaps willing to admit at the time.

Jenny stilled her senses, at great difficulty given the danger presented all around, and gave all her thoughts to reaching for the tendrils of her wife's sensitive Silurian mind.

A feat that had first been accomplished many years ago.

* * *

_London – 1888_

Madame Vastra's initial suspicions had been that the two cases they were working on were not connected; Jenny on the other hand was certain that they were.

The first case that had been bought to their attention was ghost sightings, always the same ghost in the same place – the Dockyard. Onlookers had described the sighting to the police as a "man-shaped" silhouette with an eerie blue glow around its form. Nobody had apparently got close enough to view the 'ghost' close enough to make any defining features. Jenny sensed that Vastra felt as this was a dead-end case that had been unceremoniously dumped in her care, and the Silurian wasn't too inclined to pay much attention to it. "Probably reflections of the moon on the Thames" she had hissed, "How am I supposed to do anything with such vague intelligence? Did nobody send proper scouts?" Jenny, however, was fascinated by the idea. Vastra had only just started allowing Jenny to help and accompany her with her cases; training and teaching her methods of investigation and combat. Jenny wondered if her relative inexperience was making her more open-minded or more naïve about the case, but ultimately didn't care as long as Vastra continued to include her.

The second case was far more to Vastra's liking; a string of murders with two intriguing twists. Each murder victim had been lured to the Dockyard, and most bizarrely, all appeared to be somewhat alive when they were discovered, only to fall immediately dead on the spot. With this case Vastra had numerous reports, detailed notes, and repeated occurrences. Jenny could see that the Detective was in her prime; she was becoming highly tuned to Vastra's moods and personal intricacies. Weeks before she had started to become involved in the cases with Vastra, their relationship had finally taken the romantic turn that Jenny had so desired. They were sleeping in the same bed now, and not just for practical reasons. Jenny was delighted with the arrangement, and equally overjoyed with how their relationship was progressing; there was a certain girlish happiness in acquiring a love you had always dreamed of, but never thought possible – except Jenny hadn't quite managed to admit that  _love_  to her partner, yet. It wasn't that she doubted the feeling; on the contrary, she was as sure of it as she was sure of her own name! But she was a little frightened that she was fooling herself to believe that the great Silurian warrior could feel the same; so until she was sure, she had designed to keep it to herself for the time being.

Despite Vastra's adamant stubbornness in refusing to consider that they were linked, Jenny kept pressing the idea onto her at intervals, until one day, a piece of information arose that made Vastra re-consider her position. Vastra had initially refused to read yet another 'pointless' report on the 'ghost of the docks', so it had been Jenny that had opened the report from Scotland Yard and read it aloud to her lover.

" _The witness saw the 'ghost' flow into the body of a dead man lying on the side of the dock, and make the man glow from the inside. The man then proceeded to sit up and walk around, confused. At this the witness ran away from pure fright straight to Scotland Yard, but as per all the other cases, the man was dead within moments of recovery"_

Jenny had renegaded on the urge to cry "I told you so" to Vastra, who had taken a very sudden interest in the report after that and spent the entire afternoon working out theories to how the two cases could be possibly linked. Jenny had to work incredibly hard all day not to burst into fits of laughter at her ridiculous partner, but instead left her to work in her study. By nightfall Vastra had made the assertion that they should travel to the Docks at once, as if her best theory was correct, there was a good chance they could solve the case that very evening. Jenny found her biting her lips to prevent herself from saying something that would only serve to agitate Vastra, who was almost glowing herself with the excitement of the situation.

That had been the morning and the day, and now Madame Vastra and Jenny found themselves at the Dockyard, Vastra sniffing the air and licking the air with her sensitive tongue. Jenny watched in fascination, brandishing a gas lamp wondering what interesting sensory information Vastra could be finding.

" _Interesting…"_ Vastra bent down and ran her hand along the side of the dockyard, careful not to stumble into the lashing waters of the Thames.

"What is it?" Jenny whispered, unsure of why she felt the need to lower the volume of her voice, but feeling uneasy nonetheless. Their only illumination exempting the gas lamp was the strange glow of the moon on the water's surface. Jenny had to admit that Vastra had a point; it did look frightfully ghostly.

"Something non-human has been here" Vastra growled, "Not only that, they are consuming a lot of non-conventional energy, the sort of energy you would find in a time rift, to be precise. Can't you taste it?"

"Not exactly" Jenny replied.

"Shame" Vastra mused airily, "It is not unpleasant"

"Can you follow it?" Jenny asked, hoping that they could move from this deathly spot very soon, turning herself around wildly to check that they were still alone.

"Yes, I believe so" Vastra took Jenny's spare hand, "Stay close"

Jenny did not require a second reminder.

They eventually made their way down the dock, fumbling in the dark with the limited light of the gas lamp, in near silence except the gentle laps of the Thames ripples. Vastra would stop every now and then to taste the air and ponder the next direction. Jenny could not help but let her mind wander to that tongue's alternative uses to try and cheer herself up; but could not completely lose a terrible feeling of impending danger.

"Vastra, I don't feel safe" she shook, "I don't think we should be doing this"

"It is ok dear; I think we have found it" Vastra replied. Jenny did not feel any more reassured by this discovery.

They had come to a halt in front of what looked like a disused storage shed, but a quick inspection showed that the door was unlatched. The shed was fairly wide; perhaps enough to fit a small rowing board in when it was originally built, however it now looked dilapidated and liable to fall down if the wind blew a little bit too firmly. Jenny was resolutely against opening the door.

"Vastra…you're not going in are you?" Jenny gulped back what was left in her dying throat.

"Wait here" Vastra commanded, "I'll go in, and you can stay in view and keep the light in the shed. If anything goes wrong…" Vastra trailed off at Jenny's aghast look, "My dear, it will be fine" Vastra finished, gracing a hand lightly over Jenny's face to comfort her. Jenny hesitantly nodded before stepping back as Vastra opened the door of the shed.

There was no need for Jenny to light the shed however, because a blue luminescent glow was emanating from a small piece of (what appeared to be) driftwood at the end of the shed. Vastra looked back to Jenny, who was about to shake her head when the Silurian took a step over the threshold. Immediately a sheet of blue light shot down between the interior and the exterior of the door frame.

"No!" Jenny rushed forward.

"Stop, don't touch it!" Vastra cried, desperately, "It could hurt you!"

Jenny's eyes darted around wildly, panicked like a feral animal. The imminent dread was only gathering strength in the pit of her stomach, and seemed to have been encouraged by her separation from her beloved companion.

"Please stay there and watch out for me Jenny" Vastra soothed, giving Jenny a purpose to try and calm her, "I'll be alright" she added.

Jenny stood frozen with all-encompassing fear as Vastra moved closer to the glowing piece of wood. She had gone merely three steps before a human-like shape appeared from it. Jenny gasped loudly; the reports had been true, there truly was a ghost in the docks!

Vastra made no such noise of surprise however, and instead held still to confront the creature.

We finally make an acquaintance…" she drawled.

"You are not human!" the creature cried shrilly.

"No I am not" Vastra replied, coolly, "And neither are you. If my suspicions are correct you are known as 'Gelth'" Vastra revealed in a triumphant tone.

"How do you know!" the Gelth shrieked.

"Eighteen sixty nine" Vastra spoke, "A good friend of mine was implicated in your supposed destruction" she grinned deeply, "The  _Doctor_ " she added, with specific dramatic effect.

Jenny watched on in horrified fascination, seemingly unable to move.

"He convinced the girl to close the rift!" the Gelth screamed, "Burned my people with fire! I am alone!" the Gelth shook side to side violently. Jenny wasn't too convinced she would want to meet this 'Doctor', despite the fact Vastra had previously told her he had helped to save her life; she placed the thought aside as she remained raptly attentive to the scene unfolding.

"Yet here you are" Vastra stepped one foot closer, squinting, "Fused with what I assume is debris of the destroyed building, a side effect of the explosion as the rift closed? Highly unusual I must say…" Jenny's heart seemed to have clawed its way up to her throat as she watched intently, "But that doesn't explain how you got here"

"No it does not" the Gelth replied, and at once Jenny realised that the voice was not quite coming from the direction of the ghostly apparition. She wrenched her gaze from the unfolding event to notice a movement in the corner of the shed that Vastra had missed.

"Vastra to your right!" Jenny cried out, horror-stricken.

It was just in time, but still too late to save Vastra from being sliced cleanly through the side. Jenny threw herself forward at the barrier instinctively, but was thrown back violently onto the hard dock floor as Vastra jerked away from the attacking man and only just missed a fatal blow. Caught off-balance Vastra stumbled and fell, striking her head hard on the floor. A crazed, raged man stood before her – his face barely visible under his unkempt beard and long, scraggly hair. His eyes glowed with the same blue glow that surrounded the Gelth – the Gelth had been using the man as a conduit for their communication.

"It sang to me" then man mumbled suddenly, it what appeared to be his own voice, his voice flat and monotone, "I brought it home" he gestured vaguely to the piece of wood.

"To a tear in the rift, under this very shed" Vastra growled, her arm quickly crushed by the boot of the hypnotised man, she winced, "The driftwood turns up in the Thames; fused with a Gelth but unable to take a true form. So it guides you to the rift tear through indoctrination so it can take full form. But the Gelth is too…weak" Vastra struggled, "It can't survive long away from the tear, even in a human body, and nor can it leave the Dockyard" she laughed angrily, "You keep bringing it victims, but it is futile; you will never escape!"

"Very astute" the Gelth replied, "But perhaps a Silurian body will prove a better host…?" the Gelth cackled menacingly, "I knew you would not be able to resist a mystery!"

By this point Jenny had managed to right herself and return to see Vastra pinned under the man's boot and gravely hurt. Her heart felt fragile; liable to shatter into tiny pieces at the next turn. She fretted aimlessly, but eventually succumbed to helplessness. She couldn't do anything except watch, and the anticipation was almost suffocating. If hoping had any real use then she would swap places with Vastra with a thought, but dreaming like that wasn't going to help. Jenny scolded herself and tried to think of genuine ways to aid her lover. Beads of sweat wound their way down her damp brow as she watched the trap unfold.

' _Please'_  Jenny though to herself, pleading with any magical presence that would listen,  _'You have to find a way out of this! I haven't even had the chance to tell you-"_

Before she could finish the trail of thought her breath was stolen by a deft swipe from Vastra's free arm; the Silurian had found a pole lying on the floor and managed to strike in an arc that hit the crazed man hard in the knee of his tattered cloth trousers. The impact buckled the joint, taking the pressure off his feet and allowing Vastra to swoop upwards, knocking him down and shaking the driftwood off of the table it rested on. The Gelth apparition disappeared instantly, and the blue wall separating her and Jenny fell.

Jenny rushed forward faster than she knew possible, like a prize horse out of the traps, dropping the gas lamp outside the shed. Before she had even regarded Vastra she had tackled the recovering man to the ground and hit him square in the face at least four times before Vastra had to pull her back; the man had fallen unconscious after the second blow.

Jenny panted madly, riled as a fighting dog, shaking from inhuman rage until Vastra placed a weakening hand on her shoulders, her gentle touch draining all of the anger that rattled through her veins like acid.

"Vastra!" she exclaimed, allowing the woman to shift her weight onto the human's shoulders; her strength was fading quickly and Jenny had to prioritise getting her to safety over any notions of revenge.

"Leave the man for the authorities Jenny" Vastra breathed, "We must destroy the wood" she added, her tone tiring each moment.

Jenny led Vastra back to the entrance to sit her by the gas lamp, cautious not to move her too fast. She then turned back to the lightly glowing driftwood; responsible for so many murders, now so harmless on the floor. Most importantly, it had threatened the most important thing in Jenny's life. Jenny glanced back to Vastra's cowed form and felt the red mist of anger begin to cloud her vision once more.

She drew her sword decisively, and sliced the wood in half. The blue glow seemed to intensify for a second, and then died instantaneously. She then proceeded to bind the Gelth's slave man by his hands and feet, so that he would not escape before she could send word to Scotland Yard to pick him up. He reeked of uncleanliness, stale blood, and fish; a mixture Jenny did not wish to ponder any further. They'd have his neck for this, she was sure. For once, Jenny felt not a crack of sympathy break through her resolve.

Vastra had faded a great deal even in the short time it had taken Jenny to complete these small tasks. She grabbed the woman up by the armpits, and made her way to the nearest road. All the while it felt as if a great pair of hands were closing round her throat, slowly strangling her of any life, and any hope.

"Keep with me Vastra" she commanded, "Keep with me"


	4. Connection - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to "Connection"
> 
> Hopefully I've given a good explanation of how I think the kiss/telepathic moment came to be.

The carriage back to 13 Paternoster Row was grave and agitated; Vastra was only just teetering on the right side of consciousness by the time they had hailed a carriage, and Jenny had to sit next to her and keep tapping her and engaging her in trivial conversation just to keep her awake. The human's hands were clammy with fear, and her body gripped with nervous apprehension that was holding all of her joints rigid. The dark, drab, interior of the cheap carriage was doing nothing to lighten the mood. A dark stain had by now seeped through the beige fabric of Vastra's traditional Silurian gown, and Jenny had taken off her waistcoat to try and block the wound. She was so panicked by the Silurian's condition she was unable to feel the cold anyway. Vastra looked an unspeakably pale shade of green, and groaned painfully every time the carriage went over an uneven cobblestone (which was frequently). Each time Vastra made that noise, Jenny felt as if she wanted to scream from pure worry, but she silenced herself forcibly. Glancing away from her lover for a moment, she frantically surveyed the frustratingly nondescript house silhouettes that flew by her window. It only reminded her of that blasted Gelth who had lured her and her mistress into that fated trap. Clenching a shaking hand into a fist she thumped on the side of the carriage.

"'Urry up will yeh?! She's dying in here!"

A low grunt emanated from the cab driver, and although Jenny suspected she was imagining it out of blind hope – the carriage did seem to lurch forward slightly.

Before she could be grateful for this however, she was forced to reach forward quickly to stop Vastra from collapsing into the gap between the seats.

"J-Jenny…" Vastra coughed and held tighter onto waistcoat over her bleeding side.

"Schh dear, schh" Jenny put her own hands over Vastra's and applied a safe amount of pressure onto the wound.

"What…" Vastra turned (with great difficulty) to the human, and gazed at her blearily through sorrowful, azure eyes, "What did you…want to tell me?"

Jenny froze, seemingly forgetting to breathe for a few beats. Despite the dire situation at hand, the remark had caught her by surprise. The maid's facial features ceased to move, paralysed by shock,

"You shouted at me…so loud…." Vastra's voice was now so quiet, Jenny had to strain to hear it over the clacking of the carriage wheels, "…gave me hope" Vastra shut her eyes and contorted her face into a wistful smile, as if she was resigned to something.

"No!" Jenny shook Vastra's side a bit harder than she intended, "Don't you bleedin' dare!" she roared, jolting the Silurian out of her stupor, "Anyway what the blazes are you harping on about? I didn't-"

"Here"

The carriage had ground to a halt. Jenny swung round expectantly and felt a welcome surge of adrenaline at the sight of 13 Paternoster Row.

"Thank the heavens!" Jenny breathed, "Look we'll sort this out later" she added in Vastra's general direction.

Jenny threw open the carriage door and fumbled to pay the driver (inadvertently giving him far too much, but too preoccupied to care). Once she had got herself out of the passenger area by jumping deftly onto the dank ground below her, she moved her attention to the task of getting the barely mobile Vastra inside so that she could tend to her wounds. There wasn't enough space in the small carriage to manoeuvre out together. The Silurian just about managed to stand and stumbled to the entrance to the carriage, but the distance to the floor was almost her undoing. Vastra tried to grip the side of the carriage with one hand and simultaneously hold Jenny's waistcoat to her side with the other, but it was futile. Jenny only just managed to dash forward in time to catch Vastra as she made a very sudden descent to the ground; only remaining upright by falling heavily on the human's petite, but solid shoulders.

"Let me help you" Jenny commanded, sensing the Silurian's reluctance to relent to aid. Vastra used her remaining energy to hiss at Jenny (who would have rolled her eyes at Vastra's stubborn defiance if it wasn't for the fact she was so overrun by worry) before nodding and surrendering to Jenny's grasp.

They awkwardly made their way up to and through the great, oak front door, Vastra stumbling and tripping every other step. The weight of the Silurian bore heavy on Jenny's shoulders, but was inconsequential compared to the clenching terror that ravaged her entire body. She had never seen Vastra  _quite_  this injured. It was such a hassle that they couldn't just summon a normal Doctor, as if it was Jenny that had been injured. Jenny dreaded to think how they may react to her mistress's green scales and crested hood. 'Not too gladly', she reckoned.

Adding to all this caper was Vastra's comments in the carriage. How could she have known that Jenny wanted to say something to her? Jenny had only thought those feelings, not spoken them. Perhaps it was a coincidence, and Vastra was just delusional, or maybe…was it too stupid to think that Vastra had  _read her mind_?

Her head spinning with these loosely connected thoughts, Jenny somehow managed to get Vastra into the sitting room and laid down on the sofa (the same one which she had awoken on the night she was rescued). Jenny stoked the fire quickly so that the Silurian wouldn't die of the cold before she died of her injuries (both were threatening to her life).

With Vastra on her back, barely able to move, Jenny ran to fetch the supplies she would need: alcohol, dressings, and a needle and thread. When she finally returned (any time with Vastra out of her sight right now felt like too long) the Silurian was so still Jenny near enough passed out from the belief she had already died. But a ragged, shallow intake persisted, and once Jenny had calmed down, she set to work fixing up Vastra as best she could.

Peeling apart the layers of the front piece of Vastra's Silurian battle wear, Jenny breathed a sigh of relief when she was the wound was at least not as bad as she had expected it to be; the effect was likely being exasperated by Vastra going into shock. It was still a nasty laceration though, and if it had been any deeper Vastra could have suffered some serious internal injuries. Jenny forcibly pushed that scenario out of her consciousness - she couldn't afford to dream of such a nightmare. Vastra seemed to have lost a lot of blood though, and the way her scales parted to reveal the congealing blood made Jenny almost wretch. After dabbing down the wound with alcohol, Jennt carefully sewed up the areas of the cut where the blade had sliced the deepest. Finally, she wrapped a lose cloth around the reptilian woman's centre. Vastra barely stirred the entire time, only lightly flinching when Jenny inserted the needle or pulled too hard. Jenny couldn't decide if it was good that the Silurian was resting, or bad that she was so unresponsive. She had received a nasty hit to the head as well when she had been felled, so there was a good chance she was at least mildly concussed. To complete the first aid, Jenny loosely wrapped a bandage around Vastra's waist to cover the wound, working around the small gap between Vastra's slightly arched lower back and the sofa, and tying it firmly but not too sharply.

After Jenny had finished, Vastra had undisputedly fallen into a deep slumber. Jenny covered the woman with a blanket that lay under the sofa, and then perched on the nearest adjacent chair and watched intently in the flickering firelight. As the orange glow danced off Vastra's exposed scales, Jenny found herself ruminating and running over all the possible ways this could have ended if she had not been with Vastra. It was highly self-defeating, but also oddly compelling. She tentatively reached out a free hand and stroked the crests of Vastra's head.

"You can't leave Vastra" she whispered, "I need you to stay". She allowed her encroaching tears to escape and wind down her face in a sombre line; she was looking at the only real family she had left, and even that was endangered now. She  _wished_ …Jenny sighed tearfully, wishing would get her nowhere.

* * *

Jenny had no idea how long she sat there like that, only that when she awoke Vastra was still asleep, the fire was dying, and light was seeping in from the windows. Vastra's breathing did sound infinitely more healthy however, far more even and constant now than the night before. Jenny's eyes stung madly, her dreams had been peppered with images of Vastra being attacked, or dying or…seeing into her thoughts? Jenny snapped herself back to the present; she shouldn't be indulging in such fantasies while Vastra still needed her help. But nevertheless, the mystery of how she had known Jenny wanted to tell her something still hung persistently in her awareness. Jenny was just glad she hadn't thought about exactly what it was she wanted to say. Not  _yet_  anyway.

Jenny rose and reluctantly left Vastra's side to attend to the kitchen. She had no appetite, but forced some bread and butter on herself, which felt dry and unfriendly in her mouth as she chewed. She poured some raw pig's blood into a glass in the hope that Vastra may have awakened, and returned to the sitting room. A feeling of dull emptiness had stalked her since last night, but if she allowed herself to succumb to emotion, she knew she would only become hysterical and melancholy.

All thoughts of ignoring her emotions were abandoned when she notice that Vastra has indeed awakened, and was alert enough to turn her head towards the door as Jenny approached.

"Oh!" Jenny rushed forward to kneel before Vastra, placing the blood to the side, "Vastra you're awake!" Jenny reflexively placed a hand on the Silurian's forehead, before remembering how futile the gesture was to a cold-blooded being. She made up for this blunder by using the opportunity to lightly stroke Vastra's head in a soothing motion.

"Yes…" croaked Vastra, "So it would appear" she coughed. Jenny hastily retrieved the blood from the side and passed it to the Silurian, who drank from it gratefully, "…most thoughtful…" she murmured.

"Schh…" Jenny gripped at her companion's arm, "You don't 'ave to talk"

"I'm quite alright" Vastra breathed, sounding far more delicate than her usual decisive tone. Jenny raised her eyebrows disbelievingly; it was typical of Vastra to play down her own discomfort and pain. However, she felt giddy with pure relief at her apparent recovery.

"Well, you ain't doing anything for the rest of the day" Vastra pouted but Jenny persisted, "You'll pull your stitches out!"

Vastra glanced down to the bandage at her side and conceded through a sigh.

"Very well" Vastra took another healthy sip of the blood, "But Silurians are renowned for their immune systems and healing" Jenny couldn't help but pick up on the pride tinging her companion's words. Exasperated, she merely shook her head in knowing amusement. Vastra smiled, and then became very suddenly subdued.

"Jenny, I would have died last night if not for your numerous interventions"

Jenny blushed heavily, but knew it was true; alerting Vastra to the attack and then treating her in her wounded state had certainly both been life-saving actions. Proud as she was to have proven herself to Vastra, she resolutely refused to consider the alternative scenarios.

Vastra put the blood aside on a small, ornate table, and made to sit up, but hissed in pain and grappled at her side. Jenny could have sworn she vicariously felt the pain in her own chest, and lunged forward to support the lizard woman. The Silurian's body seemed limp compared to its usual lustre.

"It's…ok" Vastra growled through gritted teeth as the human supported her. She managed to right herself somewhat, but sheepishly regarded Jenny immediately afterwards.

"No more" the maid ordered sternly, pointing an accusing finger in Vastra's direction. Vastra simply chuckled cynically and grabbed Jenny's pointed hand to bring it down to her side.

"Jenny…" Vastra seemed to be deep in consideration for a moment, as if deciding if she really wanted to say what she was thinking. Having apparently decided, she continued, "What did you want to tell me?"

Jenny stared at the Silurian guiltily, an uncomfortable alertness enveloping her skin and prickling all her nerves. She had hoped Vastra had not been lucid enough to remember that.

"I…I didn't say that" she stuttered, to which the Silurian simply frowned.

"Don't be ridiculous Jenny; you practically screamed it at me!" Vastra moved her head closer, her confusion deepening, "Don't you remember?" she gripped the human's hand tightly.

Jenny seemed to have reached a personal impasse. She could lie about not thinking or saying those words at all, but she knew that this was completely futile – Vastra knew her well enough to see right through that. The next option was to lie again, and say that she had spoken it aloud after all and had been mistaken to claim she hadn't; she could always say she was confused by the battle with the Gelth and its slave. This, again, seemed almost pointless given she had just adamantly denied ever saying it; the reversal would be just as telling. The last passable option was to tell her half the truth – say she  _had_  thought the words, but only in her mind and not out loud, and then avoid telling her the subject matter and hope the strangeness of the situation would distract her from  _what_  she wanted to say. This was incredibly risky due to Vastra's aptitude at extracting information from people once she had an inkling there was something being hidden.

Jenny wasn't ready to tell Vastra exactly what she wanted to say to her  _quite_  yet, but in the absence of any alternative, she was going to have to forcibly confess that there was  _something_  she wanted to tell her.

"Thinking of how to phrase it, are we?"

Jenny was wrenched out of her indecisive state, and realised she had been silently staring at the sofa. Vastra's slightly dulled but still sharp and perceptive eyes cut through all thoughts of lying in one fell swipe, and bored a hole that seemed to mine all of Jenny's reserves of honesty.

"Vastra…" Jenny paused, not wanting to accuse her lover of anything untoward, but struggling to ask her what she needed to in a way that would not be misconstrued, "Can you… _read minds?"_  she finished.

Vastra laughed briefly, and Jenny felt a rush of embarrassment, but the Silurian quickly stopped and squinted in confusion when she regarded Jenny's reaction and then human's serious look on her face.

"No" Jenny breathed a sigh of relief but Vastra continued, "To 'mind-read' as you humans put it, is a myth" Vastra coughed again, and took another long drink of the blood, "Take a seat" she directed.

Jenny stood, her joints creaking angrily at being stationary for so long, and sat on a chair opposite where Vastra was resting.

"In any given moment, there are a number of different ideas, thoughts, memories running through your mind and mingling in your working memory. Even if I was able to simply barge in unannounced, all I would hear would be a confusing mixture of co-existing scenarios" Vastra winced a little surreptitiously.

"Are you in pain?!" Jenny blurted out instinctively.

"It's nothing…" Vastra subtlety ran a hand over the bandage covering her wound (which Jenny noticed, but did not comment on). Satisfied with what she felt, she continued, "Telepathic connection is possible in _some_  species, but both parties must allow the intrusion; think of it was two doors that must be simultaneously opened" Vastra mimed the movement with both her hands, reeling slightly in pain at the action. Jenny started forward, but Vastra raised a hand to still her, "The thought sent would have to be specific, singular – as in free from any distractions, and direct to the recipient. Both parties must have a strong mental constitution, and it helps if you have a good… _relationship_  with each other" Vastra breathed heavily, the effort of explanation seemed to have exhausted her. Jenny was concerned that she was over-taxing Vastra, but she still hadn't got an answer which solved the vents of the previous evening.

"That's all well and good…" Jenny stated hesitantly, "But it ain't explaining how you heard what I was thinking yesterday"

Vastra snapped to attention, suddenly unfazed by her injury.

" _What?!"_  she hissed, incredulously.

"Like I said…" Jenny stood and walked over to perch on the end of the sofa Vastra laid on, next to her scaly feet and limp legs, "I only thought what you heard, I didn't say it out loud" Jenny placed a reassuring hand on Vastra's top thigh – as much for herself as the other woman.

"You're…quite sure?!" Vastra questioned. Jenny only nodded in reply. The Silurian fell silent for a moment, and placed a hand to a chin as she contemplated the point. Her eyes already looked brighter with the promise of another mystery to solve, Jenny thought hopefully. They remained companionably still for a few moments, Jenny with her head bowed in shame at her admission, before Vastra broke the calm.

"I had not thought it possible…" Vastra shook her head in wonder, "Not that I don't believe you my dear" Vastra smiled tentatively, nudging Jenny gently on the shoulder. When Jenny didn't stir, Vastra continued, "It is just that ap- _humans"_  Vastra caught herself, "Are not well-suited to such forms of communication"

"Then 'ow did it 'appen?!" Jenny stressed, tensing her whole body, her accent bleeding through more strongly as she allowed herself to get frustrated; her agitation was being easily fuelled by her worry that Vastra may be able to read all the feelings that Jenny had for her. Most of these feelings remained unspoken, and Jenny didn't want them discovered without her volition.

"That I can't tell you, at least not now" Vastra's expression was kind, "But I doubt it will happen involuntarily again unless we are placed under a similarly taxing situation. Which I hope-" Vastra started with a jolt of pain, "Will not be soon"

"It's like you are doing it now…." Jenny smiled mischievously, Vastra simply chuckled.

"No Jenny, I just know you well enough to guess what you are thinking. You are quite transparent sometimes my dear" Vastra shrugged, "Well to me anyway"

Jenny relaxed at her partner's reassurance.

"You must…" Vastra had to stop mid-sentence and catch her breath, "Trust me"

"I do" Jenny replied, surely, "I just don't understand what happened; I don't want my brain telling you things without me even 'aving a say!" Jenny shook her head disbelievingly, "It don't seem fair"

"It's ok…" Vastra grimaced, "Give me time to rest and think it over, I will get you an answer…" Vastra leaned forward with some difficulty and squeezed Jenny's biceps, "I promise" she finished.

"You're worn out" Jenny gasped, her own preoccupation for answers having temporarily blinded her to Vastra's obvious struggling, "Go back to sleep" Jenny got up from where Vastra was sitting and drew the cover back over the Silurain, "That's an order" she added, glaring meaningfully at Vastra.

Vastra simply nodded, and promptly drifted into a deep slumber.

* * *

Jenny had intended to busy herself with cleaning, and now allow herself to spend every other minute checking on Vastra, who was peacefully settled on the sofa. She made a mental plan of house tasks she could set herself to, starting with readying their bed so that Vastra would be comfortable when she was able to manage the stairs. That had been the intention, anyway. However, as Jenny entered their bedroom, she felt herself overcome with the urge to lie down; just for a few moments at least. The feeling of the bed on her aching limbs was divine after an evening of half-sleeping in a sitting position, and as Jenny closed her eyes, all thoughts of housework were lost.

Jenny awoke with a start several hours later – the bright light of morning that had been streaming through the window had now morphed into a warm, darkening evening glow; she had slept the whole afternoon away, and night time was threatening to enter unannounced. Jenny's stomach pinched with hunger, but was quickly superseded with full-body sickness from anxiety; Vastra had been alone all day.

Swearing blindly and very tempted to drive a fist through the wall, Jenny hurtled out of the room and down the stairs, nearly toppling over at the bottom. Bursting through the sitting room door in a blind frenzy, she finally halted to catch her breath.

Vastra was not there.

Jenny gritted her teeth.

"Oh for the love of-" a smell caught her olfactory attention before she could curse quite as badly as she intended. It was an acrid smell emanating from the direction of the laboratory Vastra was in the process of building.

"Surely she wouldn't have…" But Jenny knew the answer before she had managed to give life to the rhetorical question: of course she would have. She  _knew_  Vastra should not have been trusted to look after herself, especially not in her damaged state. The Silurian was reckless and irresponsible with her own health even in ideal situations. Jenny scolded herself for letting down her guard, knowing that she should have stayed and kept watchin the sitting room all morning.

"Goodness knows what she has got up to" she sighed, worried that she might find Vastra in a heap somewhere in the house, bleeding again or incapacitated with pain. Wearily, she made her way back into the hallway and towards the laboratory, although she suspected that the lizard woman was probably long since removed from its confines.

A cursory glance around the laboratory quickly confirmed that Vastra was no longer in there – although the smell still hung tellingly in the air: a strange mixture of acid, burning flesh, and an almost static feel. There was no light into the windowless room, and no candles or lamps burning presently. Jenny could just make out all the dark outlines of Vastra's quickly accumulating worktops and equipment from the strands of light leaking through from the lamps and windows feeding into the hallway. Not wanting to trespass into the creepy room unaccompanied, Jenny refused to linger longer among the unpleasant smell, and instead made to Vastra's favourite room in the house – the conservatory. She knew that Vastra would not have made it up the stairs in her state without considerable effort (probably waking Jenny up in the process) and she sincerely doubted that she had left the house also (or perhaps that was just wishful thinking). Regardless, this usually was the most logical room to find Vastra, no matter the circumstances.

Thankfully, Vastra's habits were reassuringly predictable, even in her injured state. Jenny breathed a deep, genuine sigh of relief as she found the woman sat in a wicker chair amongst the exotic flowers and plants, reading from the Silurian Tome they had recovered during a recent investigation. It had been procured by an eccentric collector of strange and unexplained artifacts, whose murder they had been investigating. The deed ultimately had been down to a feud over a stolen inheritance, and the gentleman had unfortunately been caught in the crosshairs (due to the fact he was the lover of the woman who had allegedly taken it). Vastra had reasoned that the unfortunate man had no more use for the book, and "Shouldn't have had it anyway" and so had done the righteous thing in "Taking it back" for the Silurian race. Since then, Jenny had counted at least four full reads cover to cover from Vastra; she had practically devoured each ancient page of the book. Vastra looked so calm and peaceful as she read, and the enthusiastic smile that met Jenny as the young woman entered the conservatory almost managed to quell the rage threatening to explode in her fretting breast.

But not quite.

"What…." Jenny became temporarily speechless, which was not a frequent happening, "What the  _bleedin' hell_  are you doing up?!" Jenny cried shrilly, "I was so worried! You shouldn't be moving today! I-"

"Really dear, I'm fine" Vastra interrupted, but her voice still tellingly strained as if she was encapsulating a great deal of pain, "I awoke with this fantastic notion, and I knew I had to test it…" Vastra cleared her throat and shifted to the side slightly, to which Jenny raised a sceptical eyebrow, "I'm much improved,  _really_ " she emphasised, "I simply could not rest while an issue that caused you so much distress remained unsolved"

Jenny was torn between whether or not to slap the woman over the crests or to take her into her arms and march her back to bed. Stunned silence was all she could deliver.

"I have been experimenting on a pig's brain…" Vastra explained excitedly, feigning ignorance to Jenny's gobsmacked look, "I believe their physiology bears certain similarities to that of a human's, plus it was relatively easy to gain access to such supplies…"

Jenny didn't want to know how Vastra had managed to procure a pig's brain, giving the older woman's current injured state. Her jaw felt as if it wanted to dislocate and roll out of the room, so great was her shock.

"I have also read some passages in this historical tome which have very nearly provided provisional support for my hypothesis" Vastra continued, somewhat nervously eyeing Jenny's sullen face out of the corner of her eye. Vastra seemed so proud of herself; if Jenny didn't have evidence to the contrary, she would have never noticed that Vastra was injured. Despite her internal frustration at Vastra's blatent disregard for her own safety, Jenny was struck with a spark of curiosity. Warily, but with great interest, she took the wicker seat opposite Vastra and sat facing the Silurian attentively. She experienced a tingling of her nerve endings when Vastra's wide, intelligent, cerulean eyes caught her own. Vastra smiled in a relieved way, seemingly pleased that she had been excused of her poor behaviour for now.

"It is documented that such telepathic connections can occur with non-Silurian sentient species" Vastra began, "My experiment with the fresh mammal brain found that although the brain was theoretically capable of receiving such signals, it quickly caught aflame at just being introduced to them" Jenny once again felt a nervous tension, and really wished Vastra would either be more careful (not likely), or at least not tell her about these things, "Unfortunately as the brain is dead, the experiment cannot show if it could have recognised and allowed me access if the signals hadn't caused it to catch alight. Suffice to say, it would take a mammal brain of the highest constitution to successfully form a connection with a Silurian; our brain waves are incredibly strenuous for your own physiology. That thankfully means that one part of the mystery is explained; you, my dear, are most remarkable" Vastra smiled warmly, "There is no question your brain is of the best stock humanity can offer"

Jenny's whole body lit up with a furious heat, adrenaline sliding into every pore at Vastra's strong praise.

"As for the unintentional nature of the incident, there are two concepts that can offer partial explanations – such accidental connections are documented between Silurian pairs" Vastra brandished the book triumphantly, tapping decisively on the sturdy front cover, "The first condition is that the bond between the two subjects must be…" Vastra flicked through the book until she found the page she was looking for, " _Unusually strong_ " she quoted, lingering meaningfully on the words, "Such examples would be siblings from the same brood – especially twins, lifelong friends or battle partners, or… _lovers_  – of the greatest feeling. The partners must both implicitly trust each other, and subconsciously consent to the intrusion, even if they don't consciously mark it" Vastra paused to regard Jenny, who simply listened in fascination, "But in most of those cases, the pair would have long since formed a voluntary telepathic connection; I can only think the pair would have to have failed to recognise the strength of their bond prior to connecting accidentally…" Vastra spoke mostly to herself, musing over the possibilities, "Anyway, now is not the time to prise apart the scientific arguments. The second condition…" Vastra again flicked to another page in the book, "…is that the message must be of the greatest importance, quite worth ' _dying for'_ " Vastra leaned towards Jenny, her whole body angled forward.

Jenny was expecting Vastra to ask her to elaborate and explain what message could be so crucial that she accidentally sent the need to express it telepathically. She was only just managing to comprehend all the implications of Vastra's explanation; there was a lot to filter through. Vastra kept respectfully away from the subject of Jenny's confession, however, and continued to speak.

"Jenny" Vastra watched the human intently, "There may be a trace of the connection left from last night" Jenny could sense Vastra's anticipation, her intellectual curiosity, "Would you like to try to initiate it again?"

Jenny found herself at a metaphorical crossroads, her thoughts dashing back and forth between two possible outcomes. Saying no would protect her against any possible rejection, albeit only temporarily. But it would also prevent any new discovery; if they managed to initiate such a connection voluntarily it could open up a number of greatly beneficial possibilities. Also, the idea of being able to link with Vastra's mind was….strangely erotic; and there was also the implication from Vastra herself that the Silurian had to trust and care for Jenny a great deal for it to have happened in the first place. Jenny felt her palms sweat nervously at such a thought. Saying yes on the other hand, would likely mean telling Vastra the truth, as that was the thought that had initially created the link.

Jenny took a long look at her beautiful Silurian lover, her emerald scale and defined jaw, the razor sharp intellect in those deep blue eyes…

"Ok!" Jenny blurted impulsively.

"Excellent" Vastra smiled. She reached out and took Jenny's hands into her own, "Calm yourself my dear, your pulse beats so rapidly" Jenny found it very hard to be calm in such close proximity to Vastra, but centred her mind and began to exert tight control over her breathing. She gently closed her eyes, "I want you to think of what it was you wanted to tell me, but in its most simplest form" Vastra cleared her throat, "Your heart rate is rising again my dear"

Jenny's whole body had decided to mutiny against her, and seemed determined to filibuster the entire attempt to confess to Vastra. 'Don't say it' her lungs screamed as they began to heave, 'She'll reject you' her legs taunted as they shook and jittered against the floor, 'Fool!' her stomach growled as it began to churn.

'You'll regret it!'

'Who could want you?'

'She'll laugh in your face!'

Jenny fought away each insult, blocking out their deafening cries to concentrate on one, singular thought. She felt a strange warmth, an almost tingling sensation in her temples; it was relatively pleasant. Jenny out every last vestige of her resolve to transmitting the message, ignoring the pestering voices to the contrary as they dug their nails into every sensory receptor in her body and dragged, the resulting screech sounding only one word:

'Stop!'

Vastra drew a sudden breath and the connection was cut off suddenly. Vastra had jumped back slightly, but still remained in contact with Jenny's furiously trembling hands. Jenny opened her eyes to see the Silurian's shocked face staring disbelievingly back at her. Jenny turned her face away, ashamed and sure that (if the connection had worked) Vastra would find her revelation unwelcome. Vastra quickly brought Jenny's chin back around to face her with a careful, sensitive palm.

The sound of doubt was now resounding in Jenny's ears in the form of the heavy pumping of blood.

Vastra's surprise did not completely wash over, but mingled with something else as she cut through the oppressive tension with her deft tongue.

"I love you too, Jenny"

Glorious silence fell in Jenny's mind.

* * *

_**The Droid Ship - London** _

After years of meditation, mental exercise, and patient practice, Jenny had come to a point where she could exert control over the telepathic connection between her own mind and her (now) wife's. They very rarely used the ability, as Vastra insisted it should only be used in emergencies (as frequent use could be potentially damaging for Jenny).

But the situation Jenny found herself in right now was certainly an emergency.

As Jenny felt her breath failing in the underground droid ship, she suddenly felt Vastra's mind seeking her own expectantly. Jenny needed to say goodbye to her wife, and tell her the same message she had first used to communicate with her telepathically all those years back in the conservatory. She felt a heavy load as the connection between Vastra and herself settled, but before she could form a coherent sentence, sheer panic had overrun her thoughts, sending a single, terrifying plea through the connection.

"I can't do it…I can't"

Jenny had meant to say so much more than that, as she was sure she was close to relenting to the desperate urge to drink in oxygen and ultimately perish at the hands of the droids. She wanted to apologise for the trivial argument they had resolved just before leaving; how foolish it all seemed now! To have spent some of their last moments quarrelling over something so petty was a possibility so crushing that her already compromised ability to breathe was complicated even further. But overriding all these concerns was the one prime directive from her primal mind, and as Vastra has told her when she first explained the phenomenon – telepathic connection is at its most effective with simple ideas.

' _I don't want to die'_

They had already had many happy years together, exciting adventures, experiences most wouldn't get  _one_  of in a lifetime, loyal friends from different times and different worlds, and holding it all together – their  _family._  Already, Jenny knew her relatively short life had been an enviable one; from the more obvious wonders down to the fact she had  _married a woman_ (and a most wonderful one at that). When Jenny had been cast out by her family, she had thought dying alone was the worst fate that could befall her, but preparing now to lose her life once more, she knew it was far worse now she had so much to forsake.

Then there was the matter of Vastra – if the lizard woman survived this encounter and Jenny did not…it would be like Trenzalore repeated. Jenny couldn't choose between the two options of Vastra surviving Jenny's death or dying alongside her – both were horrifying propositions; either Vastra physically died or lived on as a psychologically dead husk. Although Jenny would not be there to witness it, the knowledge that the woman she knew and loved would be lost forever was completely debilitating. As impossible as it sounded, it was as if part of each other had been fused with the opposite partner, and without both of them alive, there was no complete whole.

A sudden blanket of calm suffocated the fire of Jenny's mind, and as the smoke cleared, all she could feel was Vastra's reassuring presence, enveloping her senses, as if she was everywhere, and all that existed was the two women and a ubiquitous peace. Once Jenny's mind had stilled, Vastra sent over a single thought.

"Be brave my love, I can store oxygen in my lungs…"

Before Jenny could even register how such a strange biological mechanism would function, she registered that Vastra had bent down below the eye lines of the droids and was shuffling over to Jenny with urgency. Jenny's very being was pulsing with an aggressive fear. Jenny instinctively lowered herself to greet Vastra, but then caught herself just before they came together. She didn't want Vastra to risk her life or put herself in danger for her sake! Jenny wanted Vastra to be safe  _more_  than she wanted herself to be saved. If Vastra shared her supply of oxygen with Jenny (and Jenny was sure that Vastra would probably give her far more than strictly necessary), she would drop her own chances of survival to increase the human's. It was a bold act of devotion that she wasn't offering to anyone else in the room; just as Vastra had said to them just before they had come here:

" _There are things I would do for you that I would not do for anyone"_

This certainly proved that sentiment beyond all doubt, and was far too much to ask of her, Jenny was sure.

"Share with me" Vastra told Jenny, finishing the sentence with reassurance and love.

As Vastra reached out for Jenny and their bodies slid closer, Jenny shook her head as surreptitiously as she could afford under the circumstances; trying to ward off Vastra's noble act in favour of risking her own demise. Vastra  _needed_  that air; it was impossible to know how long they would have to wait like this before the Doctor could save them. But Vastra's kind eyes did not show a slither of apprehension or remorse as she leaned in towards Jenny and gently placed her lips over hers.

Under any other circumstance, Jenny would have simply called the gesture a  _"kiss"_. But, given the context, it was undeniably so much more than that. Jenny's lungs relaxed with a wondrous relief as Vastra shared her oxygen with her; the only thing separating them from life and death. Short of giving Jenny her own blood (which she  _couldn't_  do, rather than  _wouldn't_ ), Vastra could not have managed a more intimate, vital gesture. Jenny had never felt such a strong, pure bond of unconditional love. Given everything that had befallen her, and the way she had been treated in the past by those who 'loved' her, it was the closest thing to a miracle she had ever experienced.

Every sensory perception was heightened just the right side of over-stimulating. Vastra's presence was everywhere – the taste of her mouth, the smell of her cat suit, the tactile sliding sensation as she worked the air from herself into Jenny. If Jenny had had the opportunity to capture the exact experience and re-live it at her whim, she would have done so. The next time she doubted any part of Vastra's commitment to her, even briefly, she made a mental note to remind herself of this precise second.

Because in that moment, there was nothing else present; just the two women, and a bond forged across two eras of their World's history that never should have clashed – and it was utterly unbreakable.


	5. To Live For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is based just after Clara leaves at the end of Deep Breath, and partially in flashback. Some dark themes here (and a little bit of Strax appreciation...he turned a gun on himself!) exploring Vastra's change from angry Silurian to...well...Madame Vastra as we know her today!
> 
> I think the song 'Alone' by the great band Heart is a very fitting song for this chapter. Small links to my previous fic "Fear".

Vastra guiltily allowed herself a small sigh of relief. Guilt was not usually a part of her repertoire, but she granted herself the indulgence for just one moment. Despite being no stranger to excitement or threats to her life and family, the Doctor (and to some degree, Clara) always brought completely new levels of danger right up to her doorstep. Like a hurricane, those two were! Vastra set free the inwards smile she held and the thought of the troublesome duo so that it permeated outwards to grace her lips; her delight in their company was undeniable. If it could involve just a few less near-death experiences however, she suspected she would be able to enjoy it for longer.

If she had remained the lone wolf that she once had been, she knew she would have felt differently about exposing herself to danger. For a long time she had wanted to die; not to commit suicide, which would be a shameful act for a healthy Silurian warrior, but to simply  _cease_. When she hadn't been fantasising about her own mortality, the remainder of her time had been spent wishing she had never been awoken in the first place (or that the tunnelling shield had shifted ever so slightly, and crushed her before she had regained awareness). She knew that ruminating in such a hypothetical, maudlin fashion was not a helpful venture, but on the other hand she had not had anything else to occupy her time in those dark hours.

Her attitude now was almost unrecognisable from how she had been in those unsure times. How she clung to life! Where once she had thrown herself blind into alleyways full of armed men on a whim, now she shuddered to think just how close the clockwork droids had come to foiling her meticulously planned attack. Vastra toyed with her hands, fiddling aimlessly with her fingers; the thought was horribly uncomfortable.

Nausea infected her being as she experienced a vivid flashback of Strax turning his Sontaran battle rifle towards his own face, preparing to sacrifice himself for the rest of the party. She was so proud of her friend; she herself knew how difficult it was to overlook the cultural programming of your race and feel compassion for those you had been taught to feel contempt (and in Vastra's case, somehow  _compassion_  had overflown into  _passion_ ). Despite all his peculiarities (including tendencies to threaten people), he had been willing to die for them. The realisation was almost overwhelming, and Vastra was indescribably relieved that she had interrupted him in time. She could never have abided forsaking him when he was at his most vulnerable – especially after she had given nearly all her aid to Jenny (a foregone conclusion).

Vastra's sleek throat constricted desperately as she recalled the primal urge to survive that had been easily detectable in her wife's mind, the vast physical need for oxygen, just how close Jenny had been to relenting and taking an incriminating breath…Vastra could not even consider the disastrous possibilities without driving herself into some circular mania.

But now the great TARDIS had creaked and groaned its way out of their conservatory, and Vastra found herself stood wondering at all the strange, wonderful, and terrible events of the last two days, and also thanking the Goddess that it was all over…for now.

Vastra's mind couldn't seem to permanently shift from Strax's behaviour however, and found herself absentmindedly drifting back to his act of valour. She mused as to when the exact point occurred when he was willing to make such a sacrifice. When they had first met Strax he had been reluctant to join them (despite having nowhere else to go), and their friendship, whilst fond, was wrought with misunderstandings and various instances of culture clash. But somehow, in the milieu of ridiculous outbursts and unavoidable patronisation, a strong, loyal friendship had been forged and had subsequently survived. She had always known Strax was a worthy comrade – he had been invaluable in many of their cases, such as the mystery of the living smoke, the Crimson Horror, Trenzalore, and Lady Cornelia Basildon-Stone and the wasp people. But this was something altogether greater than any of them; it was a completely selfless act.

Any of the listed incidents could have been the catalyst for Strax's change, or it could have happened far earlier or later than she could imagine, it was difficult to call without talking to him. Strax wasn't exactly a great conversationalist, but Vastra would have been very interested in what had changed his outlook so markedly.

For she could remember the exact moment it had happened for her.

* * *

_1888_

' _You have been fine by yourself for a long time now Vastra, why is it a problem all of a sudden?'_

Vastra was sat in her room, impossibly frustrated at herself, bent over a mound of reports and evidence.

' _The only reason you are so involved in this case is because you think it might involve…_ _ **her.**_ _It really isn't worth more than mild intrigue and yet here you are, all flustered'_

She knew the inner monologue she was conducting with herself was having a detrimental effect on her concentration and well-being, but she couldn't seem to block it out.

' _Why don't you just admit it? You are attracted to her; more than that, you_ _ **feel**_ _for her'_

Vastra hissed a warning to herself and haphazardly pushed at her work, scattering it across the desk. Recoiling her errant arms, she drove her now clenched fists into her unbearably tense forehead, wishing she could bully her own conscience from her awareness. At least her impetuous actions had silenced the voice inside her mind…temporarily.

It had been this bad for days now. The voice had started as a small trickle of incriminating whispers – recognitions of her small changes in attitude; admiring Jenny's smile and her lithe body, respecting and seeking her opinion, craving her company….the list went on, and on, and the brackets that encompassed the little traits she liked in the human had crept to form a space large enough to accommodate a whole person. Now Jenny occupied that space resolutely and unrelenting, but Vastra could not quite allow herself to acknowledge  _why_  that had happened.

Then this case had raised its complex head, and all the confusing emotions Vastra had been feeling had been compounded in its focus. Like a kaleidoscope, it had split all the little component parts into a greater, beautiful picture. The case was commonplace; a string of young women had been murdered  _again_. It was hardly noteworthy for London in this era, but...all the victims had connections to Jenny in some fashion. They were all brunette, below average height, and all employed as match girls at some point in their life. Once Vastra has detected this oddly specific pattern, she had become overcome with worry that Jenny was being deliberately targeted; the links were too personal to be simple chance. After making the painful connection between her reaction to this case,  _and_  her recent attitude changes, Vastra had only been able to draw one conclusion. Vastra had always been fairly blasé about her sexuality; an attraction to a female was not 'new news' so to speak. An attraction to a  _human_  on the other hand…that was certainly unexpected. Yet now Vastra had a case in front of her that she was finding highly upsetting and difficult to deal with for one reason alone: all the victims resembled Jenny.

Suddenly, Vastra's deductive powers were more than a mere hobby; the safety of someone important to her hinged on her ability to apprehend this heinous murderer.

' _Someone_ _ **important**_ _to you?'_

Vastra cursed her own impertinence as she hastily began to re-organise her work (so unsightly the mess she had made was). She would have to inform Jenny of her suspicions surrounding the case soon, or else the woman could inadvertently place herself in danger. Vastra had tried to subtlety discourage Jenny from being alone or unchaperoned, but the girl would not abide such mollycoddling for long. Equally so, Vastra knew that if she explained her fears about this case to Jenny, the far-too-perceptive little ape may guess Vastra's intentions and feelings. Her frantic worry over Jenny's safety was far out of proportion to their current relationship.

Having straightened and re-organised all the case files she had on the go, Vastra allowed herself a moment to pass into a depressive state. What ill fortune had befallen her the day she was awoken into such a cloistered, oppressive, and downright backwards period of human development (well, all human development was backwards compared to Silurian, but they were practically feral in this era). Vastra felt the societal pressures closing in on her personal space like an ever-contracting cage.  _Every day_ she wished a familiar reptilian face would whisk her away and take her back to the fine society she had once thrived in. Instead she was stuck here, a great intellect trapped in a zoo full of monkeys where all the enclosures had been opened except hers, and as she looked out of the thick iron bars of her prison, all she could see was smoke, bigoted eyes, and filthy people inside and out; the stench of the ape culture. Vastra shook her head, silently baffled by the fact she lived in a society that would rather see a woman sold to sexual slavery than committed to a member of the same sex! That would rather work a hatchling to death than see it properly educated! That terrorised and colonised other lands with their belief in a book of common fables! She hissed, infinitely despising every second she was forced to abide here, hiding under a veil as if there was an ailment to her complexion.  _They_  were the ones with the sickness, a sickness of the mind, a corrupted, unfathomable race full of pointless, viscous mammals.

Solitude had been simple. Not enjoyable, but she was able to get by. She hadn't required company to survive. She had nobody to answer to, and nobody to impress…

' _Impress?'_ her mind teased,  _'So you wish to_ _ **impress**_ _the girl now?!'_

Vastra coiled her fingers once more into a fist and slammed her hand into the table, sparking her reflexes as the impact sent shockwaves through her forearm. Shaking the injured hand she shot a worried glance back at the door; she was going to draw attention to herself if she wasn't more careful.

There was no real purpose in patently denying it; she  _did_  desire Jenny's approval and admiration. As angry as it made her to display such weakness and lust (especially towards one of these insipid creatures), her need for reciprocation was growing. Such a ridiculous notion! It was a blessing alone that the girl even tolerated her company when they first met, a sheer miracle, therefore, that they had developed a close friendship. Now, if they stood within a metre of each other, the woman practically turned Vastra warm-blooded! Vastra turned to regard herself in the tall, gilded looking glass which leant against the adjacent wall. A familiar, green, scaly face stared back at her; an unacceptable, unwelcome sight to nearly all of Earth's inhabitants, when once it had been the apex of life on this planet. She tried to let the feeling roll off her back like water, but it was starting to feel more and more like acid, corroding away her pride. Vastra was well aware she was at odds with herself with her paradoxical contempt for this society and shame for her own appearance, but it did not seem to be a state she could actively control.

There was once exception to the rule, however. Everything seemed undeniably  _different_  with Jenny. The girl was incredibly understand, patient, accepting, non-judgmental and…simply  _kind_. Sometimes she was almost excessively kind in a way that made Vastra hope for a second (completely in vain, she knew) that there could be  _something_  there. Vastra suspected that Jenny had suffered some serious maltreatment at some point before their meeting (specifically what, she had not speculated enough to pinpoint), and that Jenny was driven not to inflict such ill fortune on anybody else, counter to her own experiences. Regardless, the human had upset her balance, shifted the weighting of her equilibrium away from blind hatred for all humanity, past neutral, and touching the edges of…. _caring?!_

"No!" Vastra stood abruptly, having not meant to say the word out loud. Slapping he hands over her misbehaving mouth, she quickly seated herself – the noise would have certainly alerted Jenny. She would surely check on her condition presently.

Vastra returned to the notes in front of her, no closer to solving this case than before her cynical inner ranting.

"The " _Great_ " Detective…" Vastra scoffed under her breath, "Fooled by a simple ape barbarian". She spread out the papers and evidence before her again, meticulously searching for any crack in its seemingly impenetrable armour. But it remained steadfast, a closed box that she had no way of lock picking (Jenny was rather good at that, yet another of her skills). This lack of progress only further mired her in cyclical frustration; she was getting slow, ineffective…tension rose in the pit of her stomach; without her intellect, she truly would be disposable to these apes. The only reason she was tolerated was due to her wonderful skill at dispensing with their criminal miscreants.

The door knocked, and Vastra was relieved to have her suffering broken momentarily, even if it did mean speaking to the object of her confusion. She turned to see Jenny stood at the door, hesitantly hovering at the door, a worried look tainting her pretty face.

"You need anythin' Miss?" Jenny asked, far too polite to enquire as to why strange noises had been coming from her mistress's bedroom. Vastra felt an uncontrollable rush of feeling invade her senses and interfere with her usually sharp perception, hazing her visual, olfactory, and gustatory picture. Her entire body crawled with wild notions and a sickening apprehension at just the thought of answering that question with the  _truth_. The wrongness that the ape society placed upon this longing, whilst clearly preposterous, still held sway with the uncharacteristically scared Silurian, insomuch as how she perceived it would colour Jenny's reaction to any… _confession._  Coupled with Vastra's own scorn for her bizarre want for this mammal, the two emotions soldered Vastra's lips shut and unfriendly to any notions of honesty.

"No thank you Jenny" Vastra replied sadly.

The slightly mollified maid simply nodded respectfully to Vastra (though looking unconvinced at her mistress's reply), and backed quietly out the door and from Vastra's sight.

But not from her mind.

Vastra felt her sense of smell, taste, and sight filter tentatively back and bring her back to her usual alert state without the distraction of the human; and once she had settled, that is when she felt  _it_ , because as counter-intuitive as it seemed, that was the moment Vastra marked as her most profoundly changing. As the young human left her presence, and Vastra gained her usual sense of feeling back, she could not ignore the terrible sinking feeling that dragged her down like the breached hull of a ship. The interruption had solidified her worst fears and strongest longings; combined with all her frantic worrying it was simply incontrovertible. She would not abide  _anything_  or  _anyone_  who threatened the girl, and furthermore she must be at her most vigilant and live up to the title assigned to her.

She must solve this case.

'Strange' she thought, 'To think that she believes that she "owes me" for rescuing her'. Vastra let out another hopeless sigh and buried her forehead into the desk aimlessly. She knew all too clearly that the opposite was true; the girl had saved her life every day since they first met. Vastra hadn't wanted some miniature human heroine to bustle her way into her consciousness and take up residence in her mind. Vastra certainly had not wanted  _saving_  either; she could have wasted away in depressive melancholy forever if it had warranted it. But denial would not reverse the profound metamorphosis that had taken place, or the  _urge_  Vastra now felt that had been so alien to her since she awoke in Victorian London.

She wanted to live.

* * *

Vastra was so taken with the re-living of the memory that she didn't hear the subject of her thoughts sidle into the room quietly and spot the pensive Silurian in silent focus, a faintly sad look gracing her beautiful, wise face.

"Vastra?" Jenny half-whispered uncertainly.

Vastra jumped in alarm, then relaxed again as she realised it was only her wife who had entered.

"Oh, Jenny!" Vastra forced a smile, trying to control her body's desire to release adrenaline haphazardly in reaction to some non-existent threat.

"Sorry, love…" Jenny returned the smile uncertainly, "Do you want me to-" she motioned towards the door questioningly, apparently sensing a need for solitude from Vastra.

"No!" Vastra blurted out urgently, fearing her own mind if she was left alone again, "No, I was just thinking…" she trailed off vaguely, "…back a long way" she finished after a pause.

Jenny looked somewhat unconvinced, but took a few steps deeper into the room regardless.

"I came to talk to you about something…" Jenny started, "If that is ok?"

Vastra nodded absentmindedly into the distance.

"Love?" Jenny placed a hand on Vastra's shoulder, making the Silurian start as if she hadn't known Jenny was there.

"Sorry, I…" Vastra began, but was cut off by an almost ferociously tight hug from her human wife. Vastra tentatively returned it at first, and once she had completely come back to herself, gave Jenny her full reciprocation. They stood there in a silent tableau until Vastra has recovered enough to speak.

"Thank you" Vastra smiled as she spoke, leaning back and disengaging to make eye contact with Jenny, "I think I needed that"

"Been a rough one ain't it?" Jenny agreed, "Vastra, about earlier…" Jenny placed a hand nearly around Vastra's chin, which the older woman leant into gratefully, "Vastra I'm sorry I let my jealousy get the better of me"

"No need to apologise my dear" Vastra looked somewhat ashamed, "It was completely deserved"

"But in that restaurant…droid ship…whatever!" Jenny placed her other hand to the opposite side of Vastra's chin, "You didn't have to do that! You could have died!"

"What is your point?" Vastra replied, somewhat confused; Jenny seemed distressed by the act of having her life saved? Surely that was an admirable action?

Jenny could see Vastra didn't understand. Honour, pride, and sacrifice were all natural instincts to Vastra due to her ancient warrior training, and remnants of her Silurian Culture. It would not be considered extraordinary to her to endanger her own life for someone of importance to her. But there had to be more than instinct to it, or else she would have shared the oxygen with everyone.

"My point is, that you don't have to give me the air from your lungs to prove that you love me" Jenny returned to hugging Vastra, resting her head in the space between Vastra's collarbone and neck, "I'm not worth that much" she sighed into Vastra's shoulder, almost so quietly that it was inaudible.

Vastra could barely contain her shock at her wife's words. It was incredibly out of character for Jenny to be self-deprecating; the woman had enough confidence to knock out an army! In addition, Vastra still didn't comprehend why Jenny was so affected by the events of earlier; they had both risked their lives so many times for each other than Vastra could no longer recall each distinct example.

"But my dear!" Vastra exclaimed, pulling Jenny's small frame slightly closer, "You already knew that I would risk my own well-being for you, as you have for me!" Vastra added, giving Jenny a meaningful squeeze, "And I did not believe you needed any proof that I loved you?" she finished, only allowing herself to sound slightly hurt, as she had an inkling Jenny had not meant it in quite that way.

"I don't!" Jenny replied hastily, making Vastra regret asking the question, "It's just…" Jenny drew away and began to pace the room in a fashion that had no particular pattern, seemingly unsure of what to say. Vastra took a seat, tired from the day's adventures, and watched on patiently.

After a moment, Jenny stood still, her brow furrowed deeply as she chewed on the corner of a shaking knuckle.

"Vastra" Jenny began, "It was…it felt like more than a usual risk, more than a usual sacrifice" Jenny gesticulated out, palms up as if beseeching Vastra to understand, "I will sound crazy if I say what it was like!" Jenny laughed incredulously, eyebrows raised so high they threatened to breach her hairline.

Vastra nodded her approval for Jenny to explain, hands clasped pensively before her. Jenny sighed, dropping her hands to her side.

"It was like you gave me your very  _life_ " Jenny walked over to one of the various exotic plants in the room, "Everything survives on the air we breathe" she mused in wonderment, toying with the tip of a broad leaf between her fingers.

"Well technically for plants it is carbon dioxide…" Vastra started, which earned her a stern warning look from Jenny. Now was probably not the time for lectures, "But I thought I already promised my life to you Jenny, we  _are married?_ " Vastra tilted her head to the side curiously, "As you keep reminding me!" she added, cheekily. Jenny broke into a smile at the Silurian's misunderstanding.

"I know Vastra, but I don't mean it in that literal way" Jenny fought to suppress a smirk, only just resisting, "I mean more…spiritually" she placed her hands on her hips, "Do you get what I am trying to say?"

"I fear not" Vastra replied, seriously, "You are not one to believe in frivolous spiritualities, and the act of sharing oxygen is purely biological!"

"Oh I could strangle you sometimes!" Jenny joked, throwing her arms in the air. "Going back to the plants…" Jenny stated, eyeing Vastra warily, " _Whatever_  sort of air we breathe, it is vital" Jenny's face became animated with wonder, "The one thing we can't do without for five minutes, and you gave it to me. Just me. Just like that." She finished, humbly.

'So it is the intimacy of the action which had ruffled her feathers so' Vastra finally comprehended, speaking in her mind, 'But her concerns are still unwarranted' Vastra continued, remembering her previous thoughts this evening, and feeling obliged to convey the feeling of them to Jenny. Jenny deserved to know the profound, underlying reasons for her actions, as Vastra had a gut feeling it would calm her. The trouble with this was Vastra didn't like to share her inner thoughts if she could help it; but the desperate sadness emanating from her wife's deep brown eyes was enough for Vastra to expose herself to a little embarrassment If it would help restore them to their usual vitality.

"Jenny, you cannot take what is already yours" Vastra spoke.

"What d'ya mean?" Jenny frowned, completely caught off guard.

"I mean that the air that we shared from my lungs would not have even been there, if not for you" Vastra replied, deliberately.

"You…" Jenny started over so that she was stood directly in front of Vastra, looking down at her, "You-you don't mean..." she stuttered, unable to bring herself to say what she was thinking.

"Suicide?" Vastra cocked her head knowingly, "No my dear, I think you'd kill me first for just thinking of it" she chuckled.

"Not funny!" Jenny exclaimed, but then settled and lowered herself into Vastra's lap casually loping her arms around the Silurian's neck. Vastra received her gratefully, happy that the human was finally dropping her heavy guard.

"Do you remember that night where we admitted we felt for each other? After I solved the case involving the murders of all those women who bore you resemblance?"

Jenny nodded sadly; the memory of those poor girls who lost their lives was still a sore one in her mind. She distracted herself by stroking the side of Vastra's exposed neck.

"Before that case I had been so…caught up in hatred with humanity that I saw no reason for furthering my existence. For example, the night I met you I almost got myself killed trying to defend you! And I am ashamed to say that I did not think it would matter"

Jenny softened her brow and shifted her body closer to Vastra, which provoked the lizard woman to slink an arm around the human's slender waist.

"But it all changed with that case…I wanted to live, oh so desperately Jenny! I could not abide any harm to you, and without my protection I could not guarantee your safety" Vastra moved her face close to the other woman and planted a tender kiss on the human's cheek, earning her a broad smile, "So do not think I risk my life without careful consideration of the consequences. I do it because we  _both_  need to live to make it worthwhile"

"Make what worthwhile?" Jenny asked curiously, running a hand absentmindedly across Vastra's cheek. Vastra responded with a deeper kiss to Jenny's lips, and locked her gaze with an intense look.

"Everything"


	6. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a switched up chapter. 
> 
> Starts with a flashback but ultimately related to my favourite scene in Deep Breath
> 
> I loved writing this one. There is some original dialogue from Deep Breath in here - I take no credit for it - I'm just using it to add realism and canon to the story.

_**1891** _

If she stopped running, she would die.

She knew this;  _knew_  in a way that was non-negotiable, that kept her aching legs powering through the streets and alleyways despite the ache in her thighs. The burning sensation was rising and solidifying like a stone in her stomach as her whole body coursed with lactic acid, but she would not risk stumbling and falling prey to that…

_Creature._

Everything was flashing by so quickly, she had no recognition of where she was. She was choosing paths seemingly at random; frantic frenzy driving her forward. What she had seen defied description; she could only believe it was the devil itself. Nothing borne of God's good Earth could hold such a horrific countenance! Piercing, cold, blue eyes, hideous scaled skin, horns of a demon, surely! The very memory made her liable to succumb to a faint, but she could not allow it, she must keep pacing away from the terrible scene that had unfolded…

Oh Henry! Her poor fiancé! He was lost certainly; the creature had come for him first. The corners of her eyes stung with angry tears, but lamenting her forsaken love would have to wait. He had told her to run, that she would not want to see what was about to happen – and she believed he was right. To see him torn limb from limb, his handsome face disfigured…oh she couldn't bear it!

But then, perhaps he had defeated the evil beast, and would come for her, rescue her too, and bring her home. She could hope, at least – Henry deserved that.

The full moon glared down on her, falling in and out of the shroud of ghostly clouds that provided temporary protection. She could only hear her own ragged breathing and heavy steps as her usually dainty feet collided with the ground like hammers. There was no sign of pursuit after all. Her mind set began to subtlety shift; perhaps she  _could_  afford to stop, to check and catch her breath back? A woman like her was not suited to such frivolous behaviour at all.

The woman slowed, and upon encountering no further resistance, stopped completely. No rabid monster attacked her, instead her heaving lungs continued to expand and contract; she had been wrong, she had not died.

The woman laid a fair hand against one of the suspiciously stained walls that penned her in to the middle of this sordid alleyway she had run down. Through the other end she could see yet another infuriatingly nondescript slum street. She was utterly lost. Cursing her own foolish behaviour, and that ghastly creature, she braved a glace behind her own back, confirming she was indeed alone.

Her dress was ruined, that was certain. Henry had been taking her to a ball, some fine affair of his...and now the beautiful heavy silk of her best gown was torn, splashed with unspeakable stains, and riddled with her own sweat. She could feel that some of the bones inlaid in the dress were cracked. Her shoes were also clearly beyond repair. A cursory slide of the hand to her head confirmed her hair had fallen thoroughly out of place, and was quite astray. If anyone saw her now they would think...the woman winced, not able to bring herself to imagine what terrible words they would call her.

Then there was Henry; 'the love of my life' he had called her. They had met only four months ago, but already life without his presence seemed bleak. She knew she should not consider it, but she could not fathom how he would have survived. All their promises of forever sounded like the idle games of children now; ones who knew no better. A cold emptiness filled her up, until all she could feel was the loss of warmth; as if some essential part of her was missing that she could not bear to name.

"Oh, Henry..." she sobbed, bent over herself, and let her knees fall to the floor. She was still facing the direction she had come from, just in case she caught him running back to her, his dark features triumphant and strong.

"He'll be alright Miss"

The woman shot around in fear back towards the other end of the alleyway. Her eye line came into contact with a slender but strong pair of legs, adorned in black trousers. This surprised her, as the voice had appeared female. She carried her gaze up to see it  _was_  a woman; in shirt and tie no less! Trying not to completely forget her manners in the face of such unusual attire, the woman summoned her last reserves of courage to speak.

"How do you know that?" she growled up to the stranger, feeling totally wretched, "Actually, can you explain to me how you indeed know  _anything?_ " she finished, aghast at this stranger's impertinence as she realised the implications in the statement the strange woman had made.

The woman was fortunate that, after years of abuse, Jenny was immune to such petty insults. One posh lady's disdain was very easy to handle for one who defied the rules of society by simply allowing herself to be happy. Jenny looked down on the pitiful woman, feeling only sorrow for her condition, knowing that the stranger's spite was (partially) being fuelled by fear and worry.

"Madame won't hurt him, not if she don't have to" Jenny replied, soothingly as she could and with far more patience than the woman probably deserved, "She wants to help him-"

" _She_?!" the woman spluttered, utterly gobsmacked that the  _thing_  that had attacked Henry was worthy of being assigned a gender - and the fairer sex at that! "You mean that...that... _abomination?!_ "

Jenny withheld a flinch at the manner at which the woman was speaking about her wife. It still felt like an unusual turn of phrase to her, Jenny was still getting used to calling Vastra " _wife_ ", they had not been married a year yet, and she had never thought she would be able to use that term about anyone. Jenny fingered her wedding ring self-consciously, suppressing a smile in order to stay focussed; she needed information from this woman more than she wanted to upturn her upper-class preconceptions on the nature of good and evil. Holding her tongue; that was another thing Jenny had struggled to assimilate into her personality, Vastra would probably argue that Jenny had never quite succeeded in taming that quirk absolutely.

"Susan Stanbury, I believe?"

"Yes" the woman replied, "Wait a moment, how do you know my name?!" she added hurriedly, wondering how such a strange person could be acquainted with someone of such a high standing such as  _Susan Stanbury._

Pulling herself together, Susan stood up quickly, not wanting to be on her knees in front of this bizarre woman who supposedly knew of her already. She tried to pat herself down discreetly, as to not give away just how dishevelled she felt currently. She needed neither help nor pity from this imposter; Susan could not trust a woman who had strayed so far from the feminine duties that she was born for. Jenny straightened herself up self-consciously, not completely immune to the effect of Susan's higher class, despite all her thoughts to the contrary.

"Jenny Flint" she replied, curtly, "Partner to the Great Detective; and as for 'ow I know you, we've been investigating a Mr Henry Brewer"

Susan made no attempt to conceal her horror at Jenny's statements; Henry was beyond reproof, a pillar of society – far more than this young upstart that stood before her!

"You  _are_  his intended right Miss?" Jenny carried on, ignoring Susan's sceptical facial expressions.

"What is it to  _you?!_ " Susan shrieked, making Jenny physically blanch; she had not known female voices could go  _quite_ that high, "What has my Henry done? Do you intend to steal off him?!" Susan jabbed an accusatory finger at Jenny's sternum, gaining back a bit of spark as her body caught up with her.

"Miss please calm down!" Jenny strained, on the edge of losing her temper with this insufferable woman; Jenny was normally quite accommodating for what Vastra would call 'human emotionality', but Susan was making it very hard for Jenny to sympathise with her, "Will you just listen to me for Christ's sake! We just saved your life!"

"SAVED MY LIFE?!" the woman yelled, instantly proving to Jenny that she had been wrong to think that she had heard the limit of the female pitch earlier, "That _monster_  almost killed me! If it hadn't been for Henry…"

Susan gave up on the sentence to lunge forward in an attempt to shove Jenny on her shoulders, intending to push the smaller woman over. However, size was not the best indicator of Jenny's strength, and Susan soon found herself propelled backwards from the taunt muscles of Jenny's chest, without the younger woman having to retaliate. Jenny shot Susan an exasperated look as she patted away the dirt stains left over on her waistcoat; she'd been hit by children harder than that.

"Will you listen to me?!" Jenny slapped an infuriated hand to her face before removing it to grab at the pathetic woman's shoulders, "Tell me you haven't noticed something weird about him?" she shook Susan lightly, but firm enough to unnerve an upper-class woman like her, "Tell me that he doesn't disappear once a month? That he doesn't lose his temper for no reason?" Jenny raised her eyebrows triumphantly, "Am I getting warmer?"

Susan's already pale features nearly turned translucent. She did not need to reply to assent to all of Jenny's questions; the answer was clear in her frozen eyes and quivering lip.

Jenny sighed as she let Susan go; she hadn't been looking forward to this part. She regretted being so hard on the woman now. Susan started to cry profusely, and Jenny felt an unexpected wave of sadness for her, so forlorn and trapped she looked now. It had not been the hardest case for Vastra to crack, but tracking down the culprit had proved dangerous and difficult. With reports of wolves, vicious night time attacks once a month, and demonic howling noises, it had taken Vastra merely minutes to suspect some form of lycanthropy, especially since the Doctor had experienced a similar case only thirteen years earlier. But as they were only afforded one day a month where the wolf could reveal himself, it had taken them several months before they had finally managed to follow the wolf home to what turned out to be a grand mansion, and identify the individual who was affected. They had decided against storming the house and making themselves an object of police interest, and so had bided their time, observing and keeping track of Henry's movements until the next full moon. Vastra was convinced that catching him in the act of metamorphosis would be the most effective way to prove her hypothesis, and so had spent many hours in her laboratory devising a concoction that would ward off the lycanthropic symptoms (and making Jenny very nervous). Her plan, therefore, was to stop him just before the next change was about to occur, administer the temporary antidote (of which she had several vials), and hand him over to the authorities whilst she had him in a compromised position.

The plan had worked unusually well, up until Jenny had clocked Henry's fiancé running off in the opposite direction, likely to give a completely contrary account of what happened to the local police. Thankfully Susan was slowed greatly by her fancy clothing, and Jenny had easily overtaken her. Now her plan was to keep Susan calm until Vastra could find them, something she was not achieving currently.

They had been silent sometime, Jenny ruminating over the events that had led up to their meeting, when Susan finally spoke.

"You pretend…" she sniffed, cryptically, keeping her distraught face away from Jenny to hide her state.

"Pretend, Miss?" Jenny asked, markedly softer than before.

"Pretend not to notice." Susan finished, a cool deadness in her tone, "Convince yourself you are imagining these things" she rubbed her fingers into her eyes firmly, "It is better that than to believe that he could…he could be…" Susan threw her arm against an alleyway wall and leant her face into it, sobbing violently, "Oh Henry!"

"But Miss" Jenny began, "He's still there, you know. Madame might even have something that could control it…"

"Oh!" Susan laughed bitterly, "Do you honestly believe…" Susan drew up her head, and squinted at Jenny's left hand, "I can see that you are married yourself… _surprising_ " she walked up to Jenny so that their faces were only inches from each other, "Tell me, if your husband turned out to be a hideous monster, could you still love him?" Susan held up her hands in front of her face, "If instead of this skin and bone, you had to wake up to tooth and claw?" she leant in towards Jenny, frowning sceptically above red-raw eyes, "Could you do it?!"

The little amount of care Jenny had felt for this woman quickly bubbled into red hot anger, searing through her veins like boiling water. The burning feeling quickly swirled to create fiery flashbacks: the cool rub of Vastra's strong green thighs swinging over her to straddle her own bare hips, Vastra's scaly hand in her own the day they exchanged rings, her wife's long dexterous tongue tracing lines as prickly as snowflakes down her exposed back, the intelligence in those azure eyes the first time they had met their own, her wife's cool body sharing Jenny's heat as they lazily lay entwined in bed on their wedding night. What did this woman know of love? Jenny could only feel sorry for this Henry, as the love his fiancé felt for him seemed contingent on his appearance – what was worse was that his condition was both controllable and fleeting!

A large part of Jenny wanted to lay out all of Susan's assumptions and snap them in half one by one. Yes, she could imagine being with a non-human, and it had many perks. No, "hideous monster" was not a fair description of either Henry or Vastra. No, she did not have a husband, she had a wife. No, if her wife's appearance changed, if she became physically different (turned human perhaps) but essentially stayed the same person, she would not stop loving her.

'But', Jenny thought, 'What would the point be?'

Susan would not change her mind, not for Jenny – they were practically strangers to each other. Revealing herself to be not only a 'tom', but the lover of the creature that had frightened Susan so much in the first place, was not going to keep the woman sedate and away from the authorities. Jenny needed the woman to stay on side until Vastra could get Henry to the Police, she couldn't allow anger to get the better of her and ruin the entire investigation. But equally so, she didn't want to bring herself down to the same shallow level of the shameful woman in front of her.

"Yes" Jenny met Susan's gaze decidedly, making the other woman break eye contact uncomfortably and look away, "Yes I could"

A wave of disgust and self-loathing quivered through Jenny's body. She felt like she was betraying Vastra, denying her existence and turning her into something more palatable – a human male. She was lying through omission, through the lack of correction. She could only allow it through the reasoning that she was doing this  _for_  Vastra – to solve this troublesome case before it spiralled further out of hand.

"Well." Susan walked away from Jenny to slump back onto the ground, ungraciously burying her head into her knees, giving up all pretence of class, "You are very lucky then Mrs Flint"

'Mrs Flint' – Jenny rolled her eyes at the term, which Susan did not notice.

"Jenny?! Jenny are you there?" Vastra's voice resounded solidly through the alleyway, "Oh Goddess please say you are there?!"

Susan was right about one thing though, Jenny thought, as she once again felt for her ring finger, relief at the sound of Vastra's voice clearing her pores of all the remnants of her conversation with the unlikable woman.

Jenny was lucky.

* * *

_**London – Day of the discovery of the dinosaur** _

"Where did he get that face?" Clara asked, staring at the Doctor, confusion taking over her usually upbeat features.

Jenny looked down at Clara uncertainly. This wasn't how she would have expected the young woman to react, not after the initial shock anyway. Even Jenny had some trouble working her head around the idea of Time Lord regeneration, but once the mechanism was explained all she had to do was bank it into her collection of 'strange alien concepts' and get on with accepting the situation for what it was. She supposed it made more of a difference to Clara, having travelled with him, been so close to him when he had appeared so much younger and lively – but what had she expected? The Doctor was ancient, not a young man in his twenties!

"Why has it got lines on it, it's brand new?!" Clara furrowed her brow again, oddly reminding Jenny of a bewildered child, "How can his hair be all…grey, he only just got it?"

"It's still 'im Ma'am" Jenny spoke soothingly, encouragingly, "You saw him change!"

Clara's face shot back from gazing down at the Doctor towards Jenny again, worry advancing across her eyes and pulling down the corners of her lips. She looked as if she was at the death bed of a terminally ill relative; watching someone die when you know the person you used to have has already been lost to you a long time ago.

"I know…I do…I…I know that"

"Good" Jenny smiled, glad that this time at least – the woman in front of her was not immune to reason, or feeling. She thought back to that night in 1891, to Susan – the woman who abandoned her werewolf fiancé. Clara was nothing like that woman, but Jenny could still hear faint echoes of the same fears in the time traveller's words.

"It's just…" Clara blurted.

"What?" Jenny asked, cautious of the direction this conversation was heading, never letting the previous encounter with Susan drift completely from her mind.

"Nothing…" Clara sighed, seeming to convince herself the question was not worth asking. Jenny made to turn out of the room, keen to avoid another conversation like this again, remembering the outcome she had gained from a similar one all that time ago. As Jenny approached the door however, she was stopped by Clara's panicky voice once more.

"If…" Jenny looked back to the vulnerable woman slumped over the bed, listening with genuine care for Clara, "If Vastra changed, if – if she was different, if she wasn't the person that…" Clara paused, looking unsure of what word to select, "You like…" she chose, decisively, leaving the sentence open, possibly more for her own sake rather than Jenny's; using the word 'love' would have been highly incriminating for her.

Jenny grinned to herself, almost false starting before she began the sentence. She didn't need to put up an act like with Susan, or the rest of Victorian society in her own home. With a swell of pride infusing her with bravery, she said what she wanted to say, back in 1891.

"I don't  _like_ her Ma'am" Jenny looked down to the floor self-consciously before meeting Clara's gaze assuredly, "I  _love_  'er"

Clara watched, somewhat sheepishly, but with a ghost of a hopeful smile hinting at the edges of her face.

"And as to different? Well…" Jenny raised her eyebrows knowingly, "She's a lizard" she stated, plainly.

Giving Clara a knowing nod and positively beaming, Jenny walked out of the door into the hallway, to meet Vastra in the conservatory. As she did, she felt a burden that had stayed with her since that night in 1891 fade away; as if she had finally redeemed herself for letting herself fall sway to expectations of strangers back all those years. It hadn't been easy to declare her feelings in such an open manner, the shackles of her upbringing were not completely unchained from her ankles, but it was a start. Vastra was always the more demonstrative one, and Jenny was usually fine to complicity collude with Vastra in her bold statements (' _I'm a lizard woman from the dawn of time, and this is my wife'_  sprung to mind easily), but making her own declarations had come slowly to Jenny.

She trusted that her words would help to have the desired effect on Clara, but she knew that Clara had a good heart, and a small wobble should not completely deter her faith in the Doctor. As she made her way through the house, Jenny held her head just a notch higher than usual, vowing to make a habit of this new-found candour, and promising to herself (and silently to Vastra) not to deny their relationship any longer.

Jenny remembered the feeling, the shame of hiding and holding back what she wanted to say the night they solved the werewolf case, as if she had been happy to abandon the very essence of her being for mere ease of existence.

"Never again" she spoke aloud to herself, almost with a spring in her step, " _Never again"_


	7. Ancient History - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post "Deep Breath" with the 12th Doctor.
> 
> More rule-breaking with a two part one-shot!
> 
> Vastra and Jenny bump into a familiar, but not necessarily welcome face from the past.

It had been six months since the Doctor has last visited Paternoster Row after the incident with the dinosaur and the clockwork droids, and Vastra, Jenny, and Strax had not been short of work. Since the discovery of the droid ship beneath Mancini's Family Restaurant, Scotland Yard had launched a city-wide effort to inspect for any bizarre underground structures or activity – which the Great Detective has assisted greatly in completing (or, in Vastra's opinion, had practically completed for them). The raids had uncovered, to name a few examples: a cloning facility, a money laundering racket, and an illegal brothel with what could only be described as a  _voluntary torture facility_ , adorned with chains, shackles, and whips. The last discovery in particular had been most perturbing for Vastra, who had to resort to coaxing a very red-faced Jenny to explain the dungeon's purpose. When Jenny had finally explained (once they were in private) that the apparatus was for human sexual arousal, Vastra had found the whole incident highly amusing, much to her wife's disdain. Vastra was glad Jenny had never requested that Vastra physically beat her simply to get a hormonal rise, as that was something Vastra would never do, but the Silurian made a mental note to install some restraints in a private area of the house (she could use the pretext of "detaining human scum", perhaps). She was sure that she could put those to good use, and found that the idea of being completely at Jenny's mercy was very compelling.

Vastra had enjoyed the busy nature of the work, and she suspected her wife was happier also; Jenny seemed to be a source of constant energy, if the apes could only harness her momentum, Vastra was sure they could power their rudimentary machines for centuries. Strax had also managed to avoid destroying large sections of the house for whole months now, but Vastra was refusing to let her guard down, as all the cases were making him rather excitable. Although, she did admit that he possible could have got hold of some sweets again.

Today, however, there was a welcome stillness in the house, a lull in the workflow, and as much as Vastra loved her life of excitement – a day off was unlikely to cause any great harm. Vastra had spent a large portion of the day in solitude, peacefully reading her beloved Silurian Tome, or poring over recent scientific literature. She had allowed herself a moment to tinker in the laboratory, promising internally not to set off any major explosions and startle her wife. However, when she heard the click of the front door as Jenny went out momentarily, all restraint was lost and she risked a more daring experiment, accidentally causing a small chemical fire. Her shame only deepened when Strax began to mock her as she frantically tried to extinguish it.

"Foolish reptile!" he jeered as Vastra tried in vain to usher the smoke out of the front door, "The boy will be most displeased with you. Maybe now I can convince him to  _finally_  destroy you…" he murmured, conspiratorially clenching his fists.

"Strax this is not helpful!" Vastra scolded, wildly flailing her arms in the general direction of the open door, "Can't you go and find something to freshen the air with, at least?!"

"Deception tactics!" Strax piped up with glee, "The boy will never smell the land mine-"

"NO LAND MINES!" Vastra glared at Strax sternly, "Nothing that could harm the bo-I mean Jenny, ugh!" Vastra threw her hand up in exasperation, "Now you have me doing it…" she grumbled.

"Very well!" Strax stood to attention, "I shall report back with some olfactory distraction equipment" he finished, and marched off to the upper floor of the house determinedly.

"And she is a girl!" Vastra called after him, but to no avail, she feared. Vastra forlornly turned her attention to the lingering wisps of smoke in the hallway – the breeze from the open door seemed only to be pushing the smell around the house. She wasn't sure that she would be able to talk herself out of Jenny's disappointment this time, although her wife was usually amenable to  _physical_  remuneration. If she could apply enough damage control to minimise the incident, Vastra wondered if she could possibly turn this situation to her advantage.

Smiling sneakily to herself, Vastra drew up the sleeves of her dress decisively, quickly closed the front door for safety, and planned to make her way round the house opening various windows to allow wind channels for the smoke to escape. If she was fast enough, she might be able to almost completely disguise the incident before Jenny returned home. Phase two of her (she had to admit it) ingenious plan would deploy profuse apologies and various, inventive means of recompensing her wife for all the stress incurred…

"Fool proof!" she stated, triumphantly, as she made her way into the sitting room, which had got a nasty hit of the odour. Vastra almost hummed to herself as she made a beeline for the windows; she could not abide this housecleaning business too often, but once in a while was admittedly calming.

Her veneer of contentment was instantly shattered however, by the familiar, distinctive noise she had come to associate with both joy and fear. The unique whine and groan TARDIS invaded the sitting room, as the great blue box materialised in the centre of the room between the furniture. Vastra was near to developing apoplexy with the inconvenience of the Doctor's parking.

Her heart thudding with trepidation, but limbs tingling with happy anticipation, Vastra removed her attention from the windows to welcome the Doctor as he stumbled out of the time machine, his face still stern and old as it had been last time.

"Oh! The sitting room!" he growled in his fierce, Scottish accent, "My aim is getting worse" he placed a thoughtful hand to his chin, frowning at the blue box.

"Where exactly were you aiming for?" Vastra asked reasonably.

"I don't know" he admitted. "Why do you look so happy?" he shot back suspiciously, picking up on Vastra's earlier mood.

"No reason!" Vastra blushed a deep green, recalling her previous fantasies, which were far too graphic to repeat to the Doctor.

"Oh God…" the Doctor's expression sombre as he started back, "I haven't interrupted any of your… _activities_  have I?!" he exclaimed in horror, shakily pointing to Vastra's upturned sleeves.

"Most certainly not!" Vastra cried, mortified at the suggestion, "Jenny is not even in the house-"

"You're having an  _affair_?!" the Doctor squinted disapprovingly, "Who on Earth with?" he continued, confused.

The last insinuation was far too much for Vastra's nerves, and the Doctor seemed to realise that he may have gone too far with his suggestions as the Silurian stormed towards him angrily.

"Now listen here!" Vastra growled, pointing a stern finger at the Doctor's now slightly cowering face, "You know, you  _know_  I would never…" Vastra stopped as if only just registering part of the comment the Doctor has made, "What do you mean ' _Who on Earth with'_?" she raged, only just uncovering the deep layers of offence hidden in the statement.

"I mean…" the Doctor started, pushing back into the side of the TARDIS as the tall Silurian loomed over him, "You're no spring chicken…"

"Coming from  _you_  that is practically-"

"Wait!" the Docotr yelled, so suddenly that Vastra jumped back enough for him to sneak from her gaze and duck under her arm. Vastra watched in utter confusion as the Doctor sniffed the air, "Such a rookie mistake Vastra…"

Grim realisation dawned on Vastra as she slumped in admission, distracted from their earlier argument. She smirked slightly, despite herself.

"I know"

"Anyone would think you were a mere child with a chemistry set!" the Doctor grinned slightly, "Ooo, Jenny isn't going to like this…"

I  _know_!" Vastra exclaimed, body tense and agitated beneath her wide eyes, "And thanks to you it is doubtful I will ever air the house in time to mask it!"

"Don't underestimate her, she's find out" the Doctor replied, and Vastra felt her heart sink as she acknowledged just how right he was about her wife. The Doctor ran off to throw his head inside the laboratory, coughing profusely as he did so, "You really need some ventilation in here!" he called back from the hallway. Vastra sighed and followed the voice out of the sitting room. She watched her friend forlornly, wishing she had never given in to the urge to misbehave.

"Yes I know" she stated for the third time, tired of the Doctor being correct about everything today. She rolled her eyes at herself as she followed him around the corner, knowing her redemption plans were becoming faint.

"Can't you just blame it on Strax?" the Doctor replied more kindly, pulling his head out of the doorway.

"No" Vastra slapped her hands to her side irritably and began to pace in back and forth pattern, "I tried that last time, but Strax was not very good at colluding-" Vastra bit her lip nervously, remembering the telling-off she had received, "It made things worse" she finished, vaguely, not wanting to re-live the episode.

"Pity" the Doctor raised his eyebrows, acknowledging the defeat with a tilt of his head, "Still…" his eyes brightened as if suddenly illuminated, "Wait here…" he squeezed Vastra's biceps lightly before tearing back into the sitting room and slamming the door behind himself as he delved into the TARDIS. After what seemed like only a moment, he appeared with what appeared to be a golden, metal plated pressurized can.

"Bit of housekeeping for the old girl" he explained, in response to Vastra's baffled expression, "Shut your eyes, it stings"

"Wha-" Vastra began, but only just had enough time to clench her eyelids shut before the Doctor had pressed the can down. She felt a pulse of energy shudder through her body like the shock of an earthquake and reverberate through the house in the same fashion. Vastra experienced a (perhaps) irrational fear that the Doctor would have simply erased the house, but when she opened her eyes 13 Paternoster Row was indeed still standing.

"De-Odourising Ray!" he threw the can in the air so that it twirled, and caught it deftly, "Disposable, unfortunately. Luckily I have about one thousand…" he brandished the new defunct can triumphantly, as if it were some sort of trophy, "Fell of the back of a spaceship" he winked.

"Why didn't you just do that to begin with?!" Vastra asked, flustered but relieved that the burning smell has been replaced with a faint hint of pine.

"I was enjoying myself" the Doctor shrugged unapologetically, "She'll find out anyway you know, I just couldn't stand the smell"

"Well…" Vastra began, feeling a pinch of anxiety in her gut very similar to nausea at the Doctor's prophetic words, "Thank you anyway" she finished, humbly.

"Not a problem" the Doctor replied distractedly, throwing the can onto a nearby chair.

"So…" Vastra collected herself and moved to the same chair, picking up the can and studying it with interest as she lowered herself slowly into its seat, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

The Doctor came suddenly back to attention.

"Help" he declared dramatically, as if he couldn't remember why he was here himself, "Help…I need  _your help"_ he started over to the chair, planting his hands down emphatically on its arms, his expression grave.

"You  _always_  have my help, Doctor" Vastra replied levelly, looking up from the De-Odourising can. She never forgot just how much she accumulatively owed him over the years they had known each other, albeit with an infrequent presence.

" _Exactly"_ the Doctor pushed off the chair and looked down at Vastra's seated figure, "Someone is attempting to undo all that"

Vastra's hands froze round the can as if someone had caused her to stop and the rest of time to move on. Her whole body was paused as the memory of Trenzalore flickered like a struggling yet persistent candle wick in her consciousness. Her past had been toyed with before with traumatic results, and that was the sanitary way of phrasing it. The recall of losing Jenny twice in one night crept around her being, lingering around her mouth and stealing the words she wanted to speak. She was bizarrely treating it as if by verbalising the Doctor's implications, she would move them out of her imagination and into the realm of reality.

" _My_ history?" Vastra started at the can, unable to look up at him and see the assent in his eyes.

"Yes" he confirmed, "But I cannot tell you more"

"Why?!" now Vastra met his sullen gaze, unflinchingly.

"Because if I explain it now, I don't think you will agree!" his face was clenched with impatience as he spoke, "But if you trust me, we can spare a lot of pain" he argued passionately, "Not just for  _you_ " he added pointedly, glancing at Vastra meaningfully from under his angry, grey eyebrows. The Doctor didn't have to say names for Vastra to understand who he was talking about.

"Doctor" Vastra stood to face him, determination reverberating through her rigid body, "If this involves the people I care about…"

"Please just trust me" the Doctor held his position in front of Vastra, earnestly and sincerely, "I wouldn't ask if-"

A click, followed by a slow creak sounding through the hallway cut him off. The Doctor's manner shifted; panic visible in his weathered features.

"The boy has returned!" Strax bellowed from the top of the stairs, "Defensive positions!"

Vastra sighed in relief and smiled; the Doctor's reaction had caused her to believe some great enemy would be barging in after tearing apart her timeline, so dramatic his revelations had been.

"Doctor it is only Jenny, really you must-"

"It's better this way"

"The Doctor held out his hand to Vastra expectantly, and Vastra almost acquiesced to the same impulsive urge that had been the undoing of many of his former companions. But it was that same thought that stopped her from taking the offered palm; how many of those same companions had not come back, met ill fate, or even been sent irreversibly backwards in time? Vastra thought of Rory and Amy, at least they had been together…

"No" Vastra took a step backwards, "If I go, she comes with me"

The Doctor dropped his hand and made to protest, but was cut off faster than a swipe from Vastra's blade.

"She is my  _wife_  Doctor, and she deserves to know what is happening to me" she hissed, dangerously, "If I was to  _die_ , to  _never return…_ "

"Why the blazes does it smell of bleedin'  _pine?!"_

Vastra closed her eyes wearily as the front door shut behind Jenny.

"Told you" the Doctor smirked.

"Oh shut up!" the Silurian took a sideways look at the annoying Time Lord before attempting to pat herself down and compose herself for her irate wife.

"Have you b'in blowing stuff up again?! Goodness you're as bad as Strax!" Vastra visibly shrunk before the Doctor, which appeared to amuse him, as his deep furrowed brow rose to a sharp crest, "I swear, if I didn't love you so bleedin' much…"

As Jenny rounded the corner into the sitting room she was noticeably caught off-guard by the presence of the Doctor. Vastra was initially grateful for the distraction, but then the realisation of having to explain his appearance tarred her outlook.

"Doctor?" Jenny breathed, obviously startled. Her keen eyes flicked to Vastra's, and the Silurian noted the recognition of trouble in her wife's perceptive reaction, "What's 'appened?" Jenny asked seriously.

The Doctor attempted to give Vastra a beseeching look, as if trying to communicate non-verbally with her without Jenny noticing. But the action was futile, even a small child would know better than to attempt lying to Jenny, no matter the encouragement. Vastra had tried it before, and felt no obligation to repeat the exercise. At the same time however, Vastra felt a heavy, indescribably pressure on her shoulders, making her physically slump; she had to begrudgingly admit that dragging Jenny into this mysterious danger was perhaps unwise. How she hated risking her wife's well-being! Tapping her heel to the ground as if working up the energy to speak, Vastra finally straightened up, bearing the consequences of refusing the Doctor's earlier offer.

"Somebody is interfering with my past"

"Oh!" the Doctor cried out, frowning and flailing with rage, "If I was as cute as her you would have listened to me!" he accused, eyes popping out of his straining skill as he gestured at the increasingly baffled Jenny.

" _About what?_ " Jenny joined in pointedly, her face thinning as her eyes narrowed at the recalcitrant Time Lord. The hint of challenge in her wife's tone only encourage Vastra's more rebellious nature.

"Well  _of course,_ he wanted me to ride off with him…" Vastra walked carefully towards her wife, dipping her head, opening her palms, and taking every opportunity to shift Jenny's ire onto the Time Lord, "No word to you, who knows…I could have been lost for  _years_!" she finished theatrically, laying a possessive hand on Jenny's arm and linking it around her elbow, pouting innocently at her wife.

"I…" Jenny had to take several deep breaths, close her eyes, and collect herself to stop herself from shouting. Once she had taken a few moments to prise apart the information, she spoke once more, "I am  _not_  letting you take her anywhere dangerous  _without me"_  she stated, fiercely. Vastra felt an almost electric shudder at the sheer energy that seemed to vibrate from her wife; she was again reminded that she was glad she was not an enemy of her wife. To be cornered by her in compromising circumstances…Vastra had to forcibly remove that thought from her mind before it got out of hand in the wrong direction. She felt Jenny shift a little closer to her, and found it hard to suppress a grin of victory.

"Oh for pity's sake,  _fine_ " the Doctor relented disbelievingly, his strong Scottish accent belying his ire at the situation, "Geez – are all lesbians this… _clingy?_ " he mumbled, half to himself and under his breath but not quite quietly enough to escape Jenny's attention.

"Now-" she began.

"I don't want to know" the Doctor held up a halting hand abruptly, "Look I'll take both of you if I  _must"_  he grumbled, "But potato-head really has to stay behind"

Vastra exchanged a knowing, worried look with her wife, confirming that the churning anxiety she felt at that notion was shared by Jenny. Taking a big gulp to bury the lump of apprehension in her throat, Vastra began her objection.

"Doctor, there won't be a house left…"

"He won't even know you're gone!" the Doctor grappled his silver hair irascibly, "Five minute, tops!" he held up five fingers demonstratively, as if that served as definite proof.

Vastra felt a ripple of dreadful excitement charge through her body; she really was only stalling the inevitable, daunting proposition that had been presented before her. Not having to leave Jenny behind had calmed her somewhat, but she was unable to feel completely comfortable, and a vague sense of foreboding hung over her like a waiting storm cloud. What could be so terrible that even  _she_  the "Great Detective" could not be trusted with the information, or else she would refuse the Doctor? His reluctance to give her all the details concerned her more than even leaving behind Strax, unattended, with availability to weapons.

Vastra turned her head, and saw Jenny watching her expectantly, waiting for her decision. It was Vastra's own timeline that was being altered, after all. Vastra smiled back hesitantly, buoyed by Jenny's willingness to help, despite knowing any critical details for the mission. She allowed herself to attend to the Doctor once more, who hung almost in stasis; a picture of pleading, of genuine concern beneath his frown. Vastra had to trust that he would not ask her to do anything that was unnecessarily dangerous, and that by sparing her the details now, he might save her later. But to trust in and speak such assurance was more difficult than simply thinking and wanting it to be.

"Doctor" she crooned, "Can you not…"

"No" he shook his head, "Please, just…" he walked back and opened the Tardis door sharply with a creak and a groan, and stood there holding it expectantly.

Vastra felt a small tug at her beside where her arms was linked with Jenny's as her wife gave her a subtle nudge forward as approval. It was enough to push Vastra out of her state of indecision; they had to go with him, after all he had not let them down yet, and they could not simply leave such a grave matter without at least attempting to assist him.

Detaching herself from Jenny's grip around her arm, and instead taking her wife's hand as reassurance, Vastra cautiously walked through the TARDIS door and into the main console room, with Jenny loyally behind her. A tingling mist of wonder seemed to settle on her skin like damp London fog as she made her way into the cavernous ship.

"Good" the Doctor breathed, "Let's get on with this"

The slam of the TARDIS door seemed hollow and foreboding behind them.


	8. Ancient History - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor Who Silurian back story is a bit muddled through different threads of the canon from what I can see, so I hope I made a good job of deciphering a good line of attack.

Even though Vastra had been inside the infamous time-travelling machine more than once before, it never ceased to amaze her; the technology employed was incredible, and made her temporarily miss her old society. Some scientific colleagues and updated equipment would not have gone amiss! A faint longing for modern technology was quickly subdued, however, by a small squeeze of her hand that grounded her back in the present.

"Are you okay, love?" Jenny whispered to a vacant, distracted-looking Vastra.

"Yes…" Vastra ran her hand lightly over the edge of the command console; the layout was not the same as she remembered. It was if the personality of the TARDIS shifted with the Doctor's regeneration. It seemed to suit his current status, she felt; the entire room seemed darker, more serious, and a little bit more unwelcoming. Vastra began to wonder if had really taken the time to understand the Doctor's new idiosyncrasies before she had instantly entrusted him with their safety, especially that of her wife's. He did seem a little more reckless than she readily remembered, more prone to risk-taking, and just a little less…soft. Not all necessarily bad things, she noted, but she would have to adjust her tactics to complement his new set of tendencies.

"Vastra?"

Then again, he had prevailed against the clockwork droids, even if that had been a  _very_  close call. Perhaps too close for her liking; if she hadn't shared her store of oxygen with Jenny…Vastra shuddered as if she had been hit by an ice-cold breeze at the thought. Vastra had a better understanding of Time Lord regeneration than most, so it was not the fact that he had physically changed that unsettled her at all, it was his refusal to explain where they were going or what they were doing. He had always led them into potentially fatal circumstances, even when he looked half the age he looked now!

Exactly how far back into her history was he talking anyway? How far back would somebody have to go to alter her future course? Vastra's mind strayed again back to the magnificent metal cities of her race's glory days, the wonderful genetic experiments of her compatriots, and fighting alongside her sisters in battle. In spite of herself, Vastra felt a warm glow of nostalgia infect her belly like a stream of warm tea; she had no desire to abandon her wife and return to that society, she had changed beyond comprehension since, but just to remember…it couldn't hurt, could it?

"Vastra, you're scaring me!"

A tighter pull of her hand brought the Silurian back to the present moment, and to the attention of her concerned-looking wife.

"Sorry Jenny" she returned the pressure on Jenny's hand, "I was just reminded of another time" Vastra glanced up and around the wonderful machine with a destabilising mix of awe, envy, and apprehension, "It doesn't matter now"

"Or maybe it does" the Doctor declared as he rammed the TARDIS door shut and flipped a couple of switches in an action that looked deceptively random (whilst being incredibly precise), before pulling down on a hefty lever.

Before Vastra could disseminate all the inlaid implications of his statement, she was forced to brace herself and catch a falling Jenny as they were jolted violently off to one side. Holding on to a panel to steady herself, Vastra managed to call out over the now beastly wail of the engines.

"Is she always this turbulent?"

"No, she's extra grouchy today" the Doctor yelled back, stumbling awkwardly round the machine, twisting various knobs and handles as the TARDIS rebelliously fought against its instructions.

"Why?!" Vastra exclaimed, desperately trying to cradle Jenny, who had gone suspiciously limp.

"Because I'm trying to do something very stupid" he finally stilled himself and held on with both hands, "And incredibly irresponsible"

The Doctor's words did very little to reassure Vastra as the TARDIS kicked and bucked like an aggressive stallion, throwing them around the console room effortlessly. Vastra only wished that the Doctor had thought to include a little more padding in his re-fit of the ship, she had survived through land shifts during the time of the dinosaurs suffering less bruises than this! The strain of sustaining both her own and her wife's weight was beginning to smart at her joints. She was almost certain that Jenny had been knocked unconscious, and shifted her body to protect her from any further hits so that Jenny was cradled between her and the command console. Vastra swore that for every blunt strike her back took during the journey (she counted at least four) she was going to give the Doctor one extra big slice of hell when they finally arrived.

Mercifully, the torrid journey ended in due haste, with a considerably battered Vastra quickly distracted from her injuries and fretting over Jenny's body, out cold on the TARDIS floor. An incriminating lump on the side of the human's head meant that Vastra's investigative skill did not have to be stretched too far to work out what had happened to her beloved wife. However, that did not mean that she was to be any less forgiving towards the Doctor, who watched on in interest.

"She's been knocked out" Vastra spoke, knelt down next to Jenny and stroking the human's chin in a manner that briefly flashed her back to Jenny being defibrillated by Strax in the dark atmosphere of Trenzalore. Trying not to relent to the urge to panic, Vastra worked hard to quell her natural Silurian rage that had flared up last time she had found herself in this pose with Jenny; she had to keep reminding herself that she wasn't dead this time.

"She'll be fine" the Doctor answered dismissively, "She'll be up in a bit" he ceased to watch the scene and began to wander around the console, reading various dials and screens.

Vastra swallowed down her anger, which felt like trying to ingest a live animal, and resisted the urge to let it crawl out of her throat. Though Jenny's safety was always at the top of her priority list, there was possibly an event at hand far more pressing to that concern than a mere bump on the head. Steeling herself for answers she suspected she was not going to like, Vastra asked the question she had been holding in since she took off.

"Doctor, why did the TARDIS react like that?" Vastra spoke whilst attending almost exclusively to Jenny's condition, fussing over her comfort and positioning as if she were tucking her into bed.

"Two reasons" the Doctor ran over to Vastra, excitable as a young boy, and raising one long index finger "One: crossing your own time lines is a no-no. Two…" he raised the middle finger of the same hand "Meddling in fixed points in time is also pretty bad". He patted the TARDIS affectionately, "And generally she makes better decisions than me"

"Last time though…" Vastra began to remember, "Doctor you told me after Trenzalore that the TARDIS refused to land last time you tried something like this"

"Yes, but that was my own timeline – she took it a bit more  _personally_ " he raised his eyebrows, "Women!" he shrugged lavishly and returned to studying his displays.

If Vastra was not already cold-blooded, she knew that she would be now after  _that_  revelation; if it wasn't the Doctor's own timeline then that only left…

"Where are we?!" Vastra stood, her pose commanding and stern, "Doctor tell me where we are!"

"About five million years in Earth's past" he looked directly at her now, his face stern and without guile, "We are on the cusp of an important fixed point of time" his husky voice took a grave tone, "The Silurian hibernation"

Vastra felt all the colour and life drain painfully out of her face, her whole body humming with an infectious buzz that spread from limb to limb like a virus. A strange combination of grief and longing began to spread between her scales as she stared unbelievingly back at the Doctor.

"Apes are evolving, thanks to your own Tulok's interference, and meanwhile a Doctor Wolik has managed to convince everyone that the moon is going to wipe out all life on earth. Oddly enough, I have a funny story about the moon…turns out it is an egg…"

"I am out there?!" Vastra breathed, gesturing towards the door, "My time, my civilisation…" Vastra thought over the references that the Doctor had made, "Tulok was a traitor…he was banished"

"And went on to sabotage many of your hibernation units…but that is not the point" the Doctor added, anticipating Vastra's protests, "We don't have time to…"

"He did  _what?_ "

"Listen to me!" the Doctor interrupted.

"No!" Vastra overruled solidly, forgoing her curiosity on the subject for common sense, "No, Doctor, we could rip apart all of time and space if I go out there!"

"All we have to do is make sure you don't touch yourself, or interfere with anything that isn't already being meddled with!" the Doctor babbled, as if it was as simple as any mundane task, "Otherwise, yes, Reapers may come to fix the temporal paradox, but things could be worse!"

Vastra hung her head; it felt as if it had been filled with heavy metal. It was all too much to take in: the crossing of timelines, the hibernation event, all these references to her past…if only she had Jenny to help set her mind straight.

Jenny.

Vastra raised her head wearily and looked mournfully down at her vulnerable companion, beginning to wish she hadn't brought her after all.

"Doctor" she shook her head, part in shame, "Out there, in that society" she pointed to the door of the TARDIS, "Mating with a Sea Devil would get you the death penalty, and they are  _related_  to our race" she subconsciously moved a step forward towards Jenny, protectively, "They would crush the unborn eggs and execute the mating pair" Vastra's throat caught in pre-emptive agony, "What do you think they would do to  _her?_ " she questioned under her breath, aghast, "To  _me?_ "

"Ah yes, the Silurian race, great eugenicists" the Doctor scoffed scornfully, "Hitler might have got on with you just fine!" he accused, brashly.

"Who is Hitler?" Vastra frowned, confused.

"Forget it" the Doctor waved his hand at her, regretting the flippant comment, "Look all you need to know is that someone wants to kill Doctor Wolik, the Silurian who had a large part in convincing you lot about the mad theory with the moon. If he fails, the hibernation fails, the human race never gets a chance to rise, you never meet her, neither of you ever meet me…" he circled his hands expectantly, "Do you understand how serious this all is?" he stressed, slightly patronisingly.

A small groan from the direction of the floor distracted both of their attentions.

"Don't tell her" he ordered, urgently.

"Don't tell her  _what?!_ " Vastra stormed forward, slamming her hands on the console, "How can you explain _all this?_ " Vastra's distress deepened, "There are a million ways she could get herself killed out there!"

"Just…don't…" the Doctor clearly had no valid response to Vastra's points, and so fell back on his usual hope of blind authoritarianism, "Just lie to her!" he shouted, starting forward self-importantly.

"Lie to me about what…" Jenny slurred, groggily.

"Oh Jenny!" Vastra threw herself back instantly and down to the floor by her wife's side, gaining her an eye-roll from the Doctor. Vastra looked up at the Doctor decisively, and in his disbelieving look she saw that he knew she was going to disobey him, "Are you okay my love?" Vastra turned her attention back to her wobbling wife, who sat up unsurely.

"Yeah…yeah thanks" Jenny laid a reassuring but shaky hand on Vastra's forearm, "Where are we?" she added, hunching forward unsteadily.

"In my history…" Vastra started gently, her heart leaping back and forth between concern for Jenny and dread at the situation before them.

"Oh Vastra!" the Doctor slapped his hands to his head, "I swear I liked you better when you wanted to go around killing everyone!"

* * *

It took several minutes for Vastra to help Jenny carefully to her feet and explain the basics of the situation to her, during which Jenny's face contorted into facial expressions that even Vastra had never seen before. Vastra decided to leave out some of the more complex points of Silurian history, and certainly didn't go into great depth over their imminent execution if they were found to be a 'mating pair', but made sure that Jenny knew all the essential information to keep her informed and safe. She certainly did not agree to outright lies as the Doctor had suggested. The human was shaky, but her mind had not been dulled; and it did not take her long to start anticipating all the potential problems with the Doctor's plan, and did not attempt to mask her displeasure at the idea.

"So you 'oiked 'er all the way 'ere…" Jenny began slowly, her natural accent bleeding through her slightly slurry speech, leaning on Vastra's shoulder for support, "To convince 'er to walk out there and stop 'er whole race making the right decision? Or else risk, you know…" she shrugged nonchalantly, " _Ending the World as we know it!?"_  she finished sarcastically.

"I think the concussion's gone to your head…" the Doctor began loftily.

"No it ain't!" Jenny replied fiercely, "Can't you see what an  _awful_  choice you've given her?!"

The young woman glared at the Doctor defiantly and he returned the look with what seemed to be a new layer of respect. Vastra watched the scene slightly shell-shocked; she hadn't had enough time to consider the full impact of the Doctor's request, and when Jenny put it to her like that, the dilemma was totally inescapable.

"What's more, if she so much as slips in the wrong direction and 'appens to bump into 'erself" the young woman flinched and shook her head tensely, as if a sharp pain had sliced through her temple, clearly suffering from her head trauma, "She might just, you know,  _tear a hole in reality_?!"

The Doctor watched over the woman, never losing his air of authority or superiority as she continued to rip holes in his carefully laid plan. It almost seemed as if he had anticipated this, Vastra thought, frowning to herself and placing a protective arm around her weakened wife.

"Not to mention that I'm fair game to that lot! And if she never hibernates we never…" Jenny trailed off emotionally, burying her head into Vastra's chest pitifully, earning a tight squeeze from the Silurian.

"That is not going to happen" Vastra stated categorically.

"'Ow can you be so sure?!" the human asked, her speech broken and body feeling spiritless and worn out.

"Because she  _knows_  that she doesn't  _have_  a choice" the Doctor concluded, darkly.

Jenny lifted her enflamed eyes to make contact with the Doctor's piercing own.

"Now do you see how important this is?" he asked, walking round to them to stand a metre away, "That I would risk all these factors to bring you here?" he placed his hands awkwardly into the pockets of his jacket, pushing them out to the side slightly, "Don't you think I would have a good reason?"

Neither Vastra nor Jenny had a response to that question; and they both knew it was because as much as they wanted to believe he had a good reason, the facts were weighted heavily out of his favour.

"I need you here Vastra because I need someone who knows this period better than me" he stressed, almost humbly but not quite, "Someone who what  _there!_ " he waved a sweeping hand out, "This is a  _mission_ , not a  _choice_ " he swiped the hand back in a cutting motion, "Fixed. Point. In. Time. Nothing you can do" he dropped his chin and looked up at her, almost dangerously, "If you so much as suspect you might…"

"No Doctor!" Vastra puffed her chest out proudly, "You know I would never meddle so…selfishly with what is to be" she cast an affectionate glance at her wife, "I just think Jenny was worried about the effect such actions that I will have to commit will have on my well-being" Vastra smiled almost ironically, "She knows I would never do anything to harm our future"

Vastra knew her words sounded hollow; almost as hollow as the emptiness she felt when she spoke them. It was as if Vastra had shed her own skin, and someone else had created another version of her out of dead cells. She  _knew_ , just as the Doctor said, that she had no choice; she was not so irresponsible that she would risk the fabric of reality just to stop her own race from making their greatest mistake. But, the thought of the great city outside the door, hurrying to its own rushed, false conclusion…and her, unable to stop the rising tide of silence that would fall over the Silurian Empire…

Oh! Why had he brought her back here! The deep longing to open the door, to take in everything she had forsaken with her own eyes was clawing at her limbs like hundreds of starving children, begging for attention, to be fed. Yet she was only here to ensure that this great civilisation would doom itself, that her younger self would be confined to that terrible hibernation chamber, that her sisters would be murdered by tunnel workers, that she would end up alone, lost in a city that neither understood nor welcomed her…and then…

Then she would meet the Doctor, and both their lives would be changed for it, for the better, for the sake of many people they jointly saved together; for Amy and Rory at Demon's Run, for Strax, for Sweetville, for the Latimer children that one Christmas, for  _Jenny_.Jenny Flint who without her would have been murdered by a pack of rapist thugs, and who without her today, would have never got the chance to evolve, to exist. That was the way things were supposed to be, the Silurians were to fall today, and the society of apes would rise. It was a fixed, righteous moment which had to stand. She was to survive and be reborn, so to speak, into what would become the happiest period of her life. Time and history would continue and churn as was intended. Whoever wanted to disturb that balance, had to have a sinister reason to do so.

But, in practice, it meant Vastra has to betray her entire history, every blood relative she had ever had, and even herself.

No choice…but no justice either.

All the time Vastra and the Doctor spoke, Jenny had fallen suspiciously silent. Vastra already knew that Jenny had worked out what she was thinking; she'd shown that in her reaction to the Doctor's plan. But surely her wife knew that she would never do anything drastic?

"Jenny?"

"No, of course I do" Jenny replied unconvincingly, staring at the floor. Vastra felt ice crust round her heart with the chill that emanated from the careless words; doubt was creeping at the corner of Jenny's tone, and this unnerved Vastra more than anything. If Jenny could not trust her with this situation, how could she be sure she could trust herself?

"Right, well I have no time for this" the Doctor declared insensitively, "I'm going out there to try and save your stupid history" he declared, pointing angrily at the door, "It would be wonderful if you could bring yourself to get over your domestic and contribute in some meaningful way"

Vastra was so distracted by the passive-aggressive impasse she had reached with Jenny that she didn't even register as the Doctor sulkily stormed off, swung the TARDIS door open, and immediately came to a sudden stop.

"Halt!"

Vastra jumped so badly at the command that she almost lost her balance; not only that, she was alarmed that she felt as if recognised the voice, she couldn't be sure but…

"Vastra, Jenny…don't move" the Doctor commanded somewhat awkwardly.

"Doctor?" Vastra's heart beat tensely against her chest at the mere possibly of what may lay outside, "What is it?" she tried in vain to crane her head around his shoulder, but all she could see was an intense light.

"I demand that you move imposter Time Lord!" the voice continued, "You have landed in Silurian territory and you  _will_  surrender all passengers!"

There was no mistaking it now, Vastra felt a pure, terrifying anxiety invade her as she acknowledged that the greatest risk that she faced now stood mere metres away.

"I am Vastra!" the voice declared aggressively, "Obey me!"

The Doctor reluctantly took two steps back and one to the side, revealing the point of a traditional Silurian hunting spear pointed directly where his chest would have been, and holding it the other side, an angry, dangerous-looking Vastra, wearing a metal-plated version of the traditional Silurian battle dress that Vastra had worn at the battle at Demon's Run.

"What?!" the slightly younger Vastra dropped her spear temporarily, gazing disbelievingly at her future counterpart, "What trickery is this! Explain yourself!" she quickly swung the sharp spear back round, now resting just below the Doctor's Adam's apple.

"I'm a Time Lord!" he snapped, "Can't you work it out yourself?!"

Past Vastra's keen eyes snapped back to current Vastra's with the viciousness of a wild predator.

"She is  _me_ " the native Silurian spoke, walking purposefully into the TARDIS, only taking a brief look around, "Dimension dams, smart" she commented approvingly, "But you are not a clone, no…" she cocked her head in a way that was almost avian, "You are from another time".

"Don't touch me" Vastra warned, panicked that her younger self would impulsively reach out, but that only earned her a laugh of derision from her past self.

"Has it been so long that you have forgotten how smart you once were!" the younger Silurian spat, "You smell so different, of smoke and pollution, of…" past Vastra drew so close to current Vastra that the older reptile could feel the breath of her history gracing her skin, smelling her guilt, " _That._ "

Past Vastra pointed the spear now at a petrified Jenny, eyeing the human with a mix of contempt and hunger.

"What is it?" historical Vastra hissed, "Some sort of bald monkey? I knew that fool Tulok started something bad…look what has become of the great apes!" a look of deadly mischief overtook her face, "Now, what if I was to do this…"

Past Vastra made a false jab at Jenny, as if she was going to stab her. The human seemed incapable of movement, so alarmed she was at the unfolding situation.

"No!" current Vastra screamed, almost grabbing out at her past self, only stopping herself at the last minute due to the implications of what the action would do.

Past Vastra swivelled her head around back at her future self, triumph blazing in her eyes for a moment, before she turned the spear on her counterpart.

"You  _care_  for her…I knew it!" she deepened the angle of her brow dangerously, "I knew there was no sane reason you would keep such livestock so long – you should have cut her up for meat long ago! I should put you both down out of mercy!" she looked back and forth between the couple, "What time do you live in when this is acceptable? When you decide to engage in…filthy  _bestiality?_!" she flicked her tongue, clearly aghast and sickened at her own discovery, "Your smells, your pheromones...ugh!" she growled, "What  _happened_  to you…to  _me_?!"

The realisation of what she was saying, and that she was talking about herself and not a stranger, caught the younger Vastra by surprise, causing her to drop the spear on the floor and stare at her own hands.

" _Me_ …with…" she looked nervously over at a trembling Jenny, but could barely manage a second before looking away in revulsion, "Why?!" she screamed at her alternative self, "And what is that ridiculous clothing you are wearing?!" she added, pointing to Vastra's human tailored dress.

Current Vastra did not know where to begin; she was simultaneously juggling worry for Jenny's reaction to her former self's harsh words, with concern for the situation the Doctor has brought them here for, together with trying to stop her younger self from killing them all.

" _Why are you here_?!" the confused past version of herself asked madly.

"To save you!" Current Vastra bellowed.

"What?" breathed her counterpart, now suddenly interested in listening to the older Silurian.

"A terrible tragedy is coming to our people!" Vastra could barely believe she was going to do this terrible act, but felt so trapped she could not fathom any other option, "And someone is interfering with the man who wants to warn you of it, in order to destroy the Silurian race!"

Vastra was sure she couldn't sound convincing, but Jenny and the Doctor were both looking on at Vastra in pleasant surprise, which thankfully her younger self could not see, as all her attention was fixed on her fellow Silurian.

"Explain." The younger Silurian demanded curtly.

"Doctor Wolik, he is a scientist here, yes?" Current Vastra spoke quickly, not wanting to waste the moment of calm she had somehow achieved.

"Yes, and a fool" Past Vastra shook her head disbelievingly, "You know that!"

"But we were wrong" Current Vastra continued, gaining momentum in her deception, "I survived because of his warning, we all did, we went into hibernation and lived!" she thought quickly, building on her foundation of lies, "The apes evolve but we make peace with them, we live together in relative harmony…"

"No…" past Vastra looked back at Jenny, "It cannot be…"

"It is"

The Doctor has walked over and drawn past Vastra round to face him by the shoulder, thankfully intervening just at the point where future Vastra had run out of extra details to embellish her fantasy story with.

"Time Lord, tell me the truth" she begged.

"Listen to yourself – to your future" he spoke deeply, convincingly, "Why would she lie? Every moment spent in here arguing – some force is working to eliminate your history. Worst of all I haven't worked out who is doing it yet or why, which complicates things."

The past Vastra let out a small whelp before closing her eyes mournfully.

"Can it be so?"

"Yes." The Doctor let go of his firm grip, "So forget your quarrels about sexual preferences and let's get out there and stop it. You're all giving me a headache…" he grumbled.

Future Vastra felt the stress clouding her mind clear somewhat at her friend's decisiveness, but still harboured a nagging worry at the damage the words that fell from her past self's mouth could have had on Jenny. Her wife still looked completely traumatised, almost static. She moved over to her and laid a hand on the human's shaking arm. Past Vastra simply sneered at them and looked away.

"Jenny?"

The human looked up at her defiantly, tears shimmering tellingly in the pools of her eyes, her lip concaved from being bitten from within.

"Let's go" she spat.

Nobody had any further objections.

* * *

The Silurian City that loomed before them as they stepped outside was breath-taking. Fabulous tall structures, some metal-plated and some rounded with gilded architecture rose up in beautiful patterns. A pleasant, busy buzz seemed to emanate from the structures. Even Jenny looked a little awe-struck, despite her previous shock and treatment. The Doctor led the way to the outskirts of the city, small well-built housing, economical yet still with beautiful flairs at the edges. They walked in a strange line, current Vastra just behind the Doctor, with past Vastra ominously watching her from behind. Jenny lurked at the back, following in a rejected but interested fashion. Nobody was speaking.

They came to a small, white structure with classic carved edges and tall oblong windows and rested by a wall, out of sight of any pedestrians.

"Okay" the Doctor whispered, "One of you two needs to get us to the laboratory, fast. We probably don't have long"

"I'll do it" past Vastra spoke, "I have been here the most recently. It is only a short walk from here, but we must go stealthily. I can't be seen with… _that_." She coughed distastefully.

"Leave her alone" current Vastra growled back, "You don't know her"

"And I  _bet_  you do" her historical self replied with near rage.

"Alright, give over will you!" the Doctor rolled his eyes, "Show us the way!"

They darted in and out of the tall, impressive buildings, avoiding the gaze of any passers-by, but now having to put up with newly-ignited squabbling between the two Vastras.

"How can you look at yourself with respect?" historic Vastra whispered with derision back towards the others, "How could you be so squalid?!"

"Oh you will know squalor!" present Vastra growled back to her other self over the Doctor's shoulder, who crouched in front of her, "And she'll be the only thing that saves your from it!"

"Hard to believe" snorted the younger Silurian, "I am a respected, feared warrior…"

"One day that won't count for anything!" the older Silurian shouted.

"Quiet!" the Doctor cautioned, "Fight  _sensibly_ "

"What could it possibly do? It is a pathetic…"

" _ **She**_  is better than you'll ever be!"

The party came to a halt as the younger Vastra stopped, dipped her head thoughtfully, and took a few, deliberate breaths.

"That includes  _you_ , future me" the past Vastra spoke knowingly, "Do you think so lowly of yourself?"

" _ **Back off**_ "

All three of the front runners turned round to look at Jenny, who had spoken for the first time in around an hour. The human's face had contorted into a look so savage; it was possible it could have stopped an army of charging Daleks. The human afforded a small grip of her wife's hand, which made her version of Vastra relax crucially; she had needed the release in order to stop herself from getting out of control and blowing their cover.

Younger Vastra simply tilted her head, which seemed to mark a new phase of consideration for Jenny; yet it was far from true respect.

"We're here anyway" she spoke levelly.

The younger Vastra placed her hand on a metal door, which looked fitting for a laboratory, with a small porthole in the top, but could not suppress a look of surprise when it swung open without force.

"Someone has already broken in" the Doctor stated, somewhat unnecessarily, before pushing past the confused Silurian and barging into the laboratory.

Initially, the laboratory looked undisturbed. A fascinating menagerie of test tubes, organs, live animals, and strange substances all bubbled away on various metal-topped surfaces. Current Vastra felt her heart pull again looking around at all the wonderful technology; she had been so distracted by the presence of her younger self that she had barely thought about the terrible act she was going to do. Damning this wonderful society, this wonderful technology! But another small squeeze of the hand from Jenny managed to ground her thoughts back in reality, and she instead watched the Doctor, who was slinking around the room looking for something to give the intentions of the imposter away.

"It's near" he mumbled mysteriously, "I can feel it…disturbing the fabric of time" his clever eyes widened, "You know, I think I was wrong…someone doesn't want to  _kill_  the good Doctor after all…"

He rushed over to a cabinet, and started throwing things out haphazardly, clattering and smashing objects as he went.

"What is this maniac doing?" Past Vastra ran over to him, "Calm do-"

"There!" the Doctor rose happily, thick gloves now adorned on his hands, almost smacking the affronted younger Silurian in the face, "Now for our little friend…"

He yet again ran to the other side of the room without warning, younger Vastra keenly in tow, and grasped behind a large crate to pull out what looked like a massive stag beetle.

"Time Beetle!" he declared proudly, "Seen one of these blighters before…almost ended the World. Poor Donna…" his manner became unusually solemn for just a moment, as if recalling a painful memory.

"What does it do?" Jenny asked shyly, from behind the married Vastra.

"Changes a decision at a key point in time" the Doctor spoke, holding it as far away from his body as possible, "In bad cases can create parallel universes, which probably would have happened here. Very dangerous" he twisted the beetle slightly in his grasp, looking at it with the wonder of a boy, "Better come with me, in case you decide to give good old Doctor Wolik a change of heart!"

Younger Vastra was staring at the beetle with wonder however, seemingly unable to take her gaze from it.

"Such a small creature…" she frowned, "Yet so powerful…" she reached out her fingers towards it and stroked its underbelly. Almost instantly she started back and breathing with difficulty as if she had run the length of the entire city. She looked as if she had been smacked squarely between the eyes, so greatly startled she was.

"You were so  _alone_ …" younger Vastra looked back at her future self, fighting to get her breath back, "So… _empty_ …"

"How…" older Vastra watched on in trepidation, scared of the beetle's effect, "How do you…"

"It's showing her condensed memory blasts of your future. Packets of emotions, events, people transferred in a touch. Please,  _don't_ -" the Doctor began, trying to move the beetle away, but the younger Silurian had already touched it again.

"Such love, such empathy…" she looked at Jenny now, with something resembling fascination, "I had no idea…"

Older Vastra could see in her younger self's face a perfect mirror into her own transformation, presented before her in a way that was incontrovertible. The way that Jenny was watching with awe let older Vastra know that her wife could see it as well, and in a way, she felt pleasantly warmed that perhaps the human could understand just how much she had moved the Silurian.

The moment of calm was broken by younger Vastra's shout.

"Look out!"

Vastra did not react in time to avoid the blow that came towards her from the curved knife, but Jenny did, and pushed her wife out of the way in time to take the blow as a nasty cut in her own arm.

The assailant was the same Fortune Teller that had trapped Donna once before, and her intense eyes bored murderously towards the Doctor.

"Not this time" she vowed, "You can't save them all"

The dexterous woman made another jab towards the older Vastra, who parried the blow expertly given that she had no weapon. But she was distracted by Jenny's injury, and so was not fighting as effectively as she could be. The Fortune Teller was clad in an elegant black and gold gown, tight and designed for fighting and quick movements, unlike future Vastra's cumbersome dress. She out manoeuvred the Silurian with a faked jab, and tripped her easily to the floor, but was interrupted by a persistent Jenny, who grabbed at her striking arm.

"Foolish woman!" the Fortune Teller threw her arm back without even looking at Jenny, and forced the other, still slightly concussed woman to the floor, "You can go first…" she threatened ominously, turning to loom over the injured human. The Fortune Teller narrowed her sharply lined eyes, raising the curved silver blade with a firm grip on the black and silver hilt, preparing to pierce Jenny with a killing blow. Future Vastra could only look on as her chest heaved with the effect of being winded.

" _No_!"

Both Vastras had shouted out at the same time, but only one of them had driven a spear through the Fortune Teller's vulnerable heart. A terrible gurgling noise emanated from the back of the woman's throat before she collapsed to her knees, the death rattle loud in her dying mouth. The Fortune Teller fell to her face next to a reeling Jenny, as past Vastra stood firm above her.

"Are you okay?" the younger Silurian asked, and although it was a simple question, the implication of her asking it was monumental.

" _Yes"_  Jenny spoke, greatly astounded by the change in past Vastra's attitude, but still clutching her bleeding arm.

"Let's clean this up" younger Vastra spoke, "We need to leave here before Doctor Wolik gets back"

"Agreed" the Doctor chimed in, "And I'd quite like to put this beetle down!"

* * *

By the time they had hauled the Fortune Teller's body out of the laboratory, with past Vastra promising to "dispose" of it later, and cleaned up a re-locked the laboratory using the Doctor's sonic screwdriver, darkness was falling across the great city. Future Vastra watched the sun set behind the wonderful buildings, knowing she would never see them again, but knowing that if she did not do this, she would never meet the woman who transformed her from the impetuous, violent Silurian she had been forced to spend the day with (she wasn't quite sure she liked her past self anymore). The Doctor had his work cut out trying to convince the younger Vastra not to kill the Time Beetle immediately, and didn't completely approve of her slaughtering the Fortune Teller either. He had promised to imprison the beetle somewhere safe where it wouldn't harm the Silurian race ever again, which had seemed to calm the agitated woman. There had also been the pressing matter of Jenny's injury, which the Doctor had also attended to, with both Vastras looking on with varying levels of concern. By the time they had all made their way back to the TARDIS and dealt with the troublesome beetle, they were all fairly well acquainted with each other, and had temporarily seemed to have stopped in-fighting. Younger Vastra in particular seemed greatly affected by the situation, which was worrying older Vastra due to the possible effects it could have on her future.

"So Doctor" older Vastra asked anxiously, "Will I- _she_  remember…" she tried to re-phrase what she was trying to say, "Will it change my…"

"Listen" the Doctor drew them both together, but far apart enough so they wouldn't touch, "The time lines will fix themselves once everyone from the future leaves. You…" the Doctor pointed towards future Vastra, "Will remember it, but you…" he pointed to the historic Vastra, "You will fall asleep tonight, and by the time you wake up, everything will be as if you never met us. Like a forgotten dream. Trust me, it happened to  _me_  quite recently...well sort of, several versions of me anyway..." he rambled.

"You mean, I won't know…" she looked to Jenny sheepishly, who was watching the scene timidly.

"No, you won't" the Doctor said.

Younger Vastra drew herself up proudly, and walked towards the door hurriedly, as if avoiding saying something she might regret, or might make her appear weaker than she wanted.

"Well then!" she announced with noticeably exaggerated importance and neutrality, "I have a hibernation to get to…thank you" she looked back genuinely, her eyes lingering on Jenny for an extra, poignant second, "I shall see you all one day"

"Goodbye" Older Vastra spoke, he tongue almost tripping into a warning, but silenced by what she knew to be right, knowing she could not dare to alter what was to be.

"Thank you" Jenny smiled nervously, "For saving me"

The younger Vastra gave a faint nod, and pushed through the door without a second glance.

"Take me away" the remaining Vastra spoke mournfully.

"Gladly" spoke the Doctor.

* * *

The great TARDIS whirred and clunked back into Paternoster Row, which stood exactly as it had done before, unchanged in the same defiantly human, grubby Victorian London.

"There…" the Doctor threw the door open grandly, "Everything exactly as it should be, just ten minutes later"

"Ten minutes?!" Jenny exclaimed, "Ten bleedin' minutes?!"

"DIE RODENT SCUM!"

"Oh Lord…" Jenny ran out of the door panicked, "Strax I am going to kill you if you've-"

"NO SURRENDER!"

As Jenny flew from sight surprisingly quickly given her two injuries to the sound of an incriminating blast from further inside the house, Vastra felt a warmth as pleasant as basking in the prehistoric sun smother her from head to toe.

"Everything is as it should be" she smiled, the regret of her actions of the day not completely dulled, but paled beyond notice.

"I didn't save her…" the Doctor spoke.

Vastra turned to the Time Lord, who looked suddenly heartbroken, a look that was slightly unexpected in his current regeneration. Vastra knew it must have taken something cataclysmic to have this effect on him.

"Donna…the Fortune Teller said I couldn't save them all, she was right, what I did to her, I…"

Vastra laid an uncharacteristically affectionate hand onto the Doctor's cheek.

"No we can't" Vastra spoke tenderly, "But sometimes we are more fortunate than we deserve"

He nodded gravely, somewhat embarrassed at his vulnerability.

"Thank you Doctor"

"For what?" he asked cynically, still visibly upset. Vastra laid both her hands over his, gripping them urgently.

"For being one of the ones you  _could_ "


	9. Reflections - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I realised I have been very "Vastra-centric" recently, so here is part one of a big old chapter dedicated to Jenny.
> 
> Follows on from one-shot "Ancient History"
> 
> You should be used to my two parters now!

Jenny Flint was not usually one to mull over things; she preferred things simple, clean cut, good and bad, right and wrong…trouble was her life had rarely divided neatly into any of those categories. Falling in love with a woman…well the church would tell you that was wrong, crime-fighting…polite society would frown upon her as a lady, running away from home….well, Jenny supposed anyone would find that a deplorable act.

Paradoxically, the only constant, assured, undoubtedly  _good_  thing she had was the very object that was the source of all the grey corners she found herself backed into, and also the very person who she was unintentionally ostracising with her growing consternation. Jenny's poor wife Vastra had been shuffling around as if the floor was splattered with broken glass ever since they had returned from the incident in Vastra's past. "Accidentally" (Jenny used the word conservatively, as she wasn't sure the Doctor had not intended it) meeting the younger version of her wife has unleashed an array of conflicting emotions in the young woman, all colliding and butting heads simultaneously; but this confusion  _wasn't_  directed at Vastra at all, a fact that Jenny guiltily suspected had been poor communicated by her. Given that her wife was becoming increasingly anxious at Jenny's silence, Jenny conceded to herself that she would have to explain the reason behind it soon.

_Yet how to explain it?_

Jenny sighed, curled up in a chair so big it almost engulfed her tiny body as she stared into the dancing flame in the roaring heath.  _'I look like a bleedin' cliché'_ she thought to herself cynically. Her wife may feel as if she was walking on broken glass, but Jenny felt as if she was surrounded by pieces of a shattered mirror, all staring back at her, as the fire reflected from images of her own incriminating face.

Meeting Vastra's younger self had been hard to stomach at first, being called "that", "it" or Vastra accusing her older self of "bestiality" and threatening to kill them both were not the greatest confidence-boosters, it had to be acknowledged. But Jenny had  _known_  that Vastra was once like that; actually, if she  _really_  thought about it, she probably could have  _predicted_ all the bile thrown at her that day. What was incessantly clawing at her mind was not the violent, racist (speciesist…whatever you wanted to call it) version of Vastra, but just how  _quickly_ the façade had been chipped away when the younger Vastra had seen glimpses of her future. By the time they had come to part, the last thing Jenny experienced was a fleeting, sorrowful backwards glance from the younger Silurian; brief, but present nonetheless, and a monumental change for just a few hours.

Again, it came as no shock that Vastra had the capacity to change imbued in her, Jenny already had irrefutable evidence of that; but she also knew that part of Vastra's willingness to open up to the more liberal side of her personality was borne out of despair and desperation. That was not problematic for her, everything in reality needed the right force, pressure, energy (Jenny was not one to quibble over words) to cause it to change state; that was once more common knowledge. But being able to compare the two versions of Vastra right next to each other had spotlighted the sheer  _scale_ of the change; which Jenny realised now that she had never fully appreciated. When the Time Beetle had given the younger Vastra a glance into the loneliness her future self experienced, even she had begun to understand how this strange, upcoming version of herself had come to be; and as a consequence she'd gone from implying the human was a farm animal to saving Jenny's life. Jump forward to the present, and the Silurian had rescued her life several times now, fallen deeply in love with her, and been her loyal and dependable companion and wife for many happy years.

' _Everyone just needs the right push'_  thought Jenny, thinking back to those terrible moments at Trenzalore when she had been suspended between life and death, and had been kept alive by her wife's tenacious mind, with the unintended side-effect of viewing some of Vastra's memories. The glimpses of the Silurian's solitude as she sat at her study desk fretting over her feelings for Jenny had left a lasting impression on the young woman. There was a chasm of difference between the pensive 'Great Detective' and the impetuous Silurian Warrior that had pointed a spear at anything that moved too suddenly. On top of this, Vastra had no vested interest in changing her outlook; her attraction to Jenny had been a genuinely unexpected accident, and the Silurian was powerful enough that she could have spent the rest of her life in bloody vengeance, if it so pleased her. Jenny didn't owe Vastra anything of tangible value, Vastra had no contract to care for her, and she certainly wasn't related to Jenny by blood…

And here Jenny came to the crux of the problem that was playing on her mind.

If an ancient reptilian warrior could transform from believing that all humans were substandard, to relying on one to maintain her sanity, then why couldn't her  _own family,_ who once claimed to love her, and had raised her from a baby, bring themselves to change too?

Jenny's breath hitched involuntarily, and she had to swallow hard to maintain her composure. She had to believe that they could change, didn't she? To abandon hope on those who had raised her in the light of a new possibility would be to re-live the devastation of being cast out all over again. It was logical, was it not? To believe your biological family could learn to love you even though they didn't agree with you was not  _that_  fantastical.

Yet as soon as she had convinced herself of this, her over-imaginative mind flipped the situation on its head; what evidence did she have that her family would have the drive to initiate this change? How was she ever going to make contact with them? There was nothing to guarantee that someone lacking Vastra's keen intelligence and clarity of mind would be able to rationalise their way around such complex dilemmas to find a middle ground; and like her, her parents were not people who tolerated grey areas.

Finally, if her mind could take any more beating, there was the question of how to bring the topic up with Vastra. Given that Jenny had been mysteriously distant for a number of days; she could see that the Silurian could easily interpret Jenny's renewed interest in her biological family as some sort of retreat. Jenny knew her own behaviour had entrenched herself deep into an inexplicable hole. She'd have to be careful to emphasise that, if anything, it was the complete opposite. Shutting Vastra's worries down were always best done early on, and Jenny regretted that she had given them any space to fester. The ridiculous fact was that Jenny's respect from Vastra had only been reinforced from their little excursion to the Silurian City, and she felt horribly pathetic for having not been able to verbalise that to her wife yet.

Tonight, she vowed, she would do it. As soon as she could bring herself to stand and go to her wife, she would do it. Unfortunately it was as if her body had crystallised as it sat in her self-inflicted purgatory. She felt as if the smallest movement towards her wife would splinter her into a web of vulnerability that could be waved away and felled with the slightest hint of sympathy from Vastra. She had only managed to preserve the intricate structure of her thoughts by avoiding the reptilian woman; it was utterly foreseeable that the moment she relented to Vastra's care, she would collapse into a ball of screwed up trails of beliefs. The woman had an uncanny knack of undoing all the defences Jenny erected around herself.

No, she decided, she would stay like this, just for one more night.

"Jenny?"

' _Dammit'_  Jenny cursed to herself, screwing up her face in discomfort, caught between fear of revealing her cracks, and relief that she didn't have to keep holding them forcibly together. One word from Vastra, and all her resolve to keep up this charade was lost,  _'Such is her power'_  Jenny thought wryly, she couldn't even see Vastra! She sighed heavily, rattling the tense Silurian who was clearly on high alert.

"Please… _please_  my dear can we talk?"

Jenny winced at the weakness infecting her wife's usually proud voice; that was definitely her doing. She knew she should turn to face Vastra, as the back of the chair was facing the Silurian (who was probably stood in the doorway), but one look at her wife's face would overwhelm her in her current state.

"Oh Goddess…Jenny what can I  _say?"_ Vastra's voice was breaking now, and with it Jenny felt her heart go at the same time, "What can I  _do_  to make it-"

"It's not about you!" Jenny felt her foundations cave as she finally spoke, "Oh God…Vastra,  _help me_ …"

As Jenny lifted herself to turn and look round the back of the hefty chair to finally acknowledge Vastra, her vision was already too blurred to fully make out the startled expression on the Silurian's face as she rushed forward to kneel between the fire and the distraught human. Before she had even acknowledged she was crying, Jenny could feel the steady drip of tears sliding off her face into her heaving lap.

"Gracious, Jenny! I thought…" Vastra grabbed at Jenny's hands, and the human clung back desperately, "I thought this was about the comments that…" Vastra looked disgusted at herself, which only made Jenny feel worse for not informing her sooner, "That  _I_  made" Vastra finished, struggling to hold consistent eye contact with Jenny.

"No…" Jenny sniffed, "No my love…it ain't about you" she admitted sheepishly.

Vastra could only stare back with a mixture of disbelief and the joy of reprieve.

"Then…?" Vastra was speechless, which, Jenny thought to herself ruefully, was not an easy task.

"Come here…" Jenny pleaded, eyes already stinging with exertion.

Cautiously, as if suspecting this was all too easy, and with the countenance of an animal advancing towards a trap, Vastra rose herself and perched on the edge of the chair (there being plenty of space due to Jenny's petite frame). Almost immediately Jenny felt her body pull towards Vastra's like a magnet, the craving of withdrawal hitting her senses with full force. Climbing across the Silurian's lap and allowing the older woman to slide under her limp body, she surrendered to lie her body across Vastra's lap, leaning her head on the far arm of the chair where Vastra started stroke it soothingly, with her legs tucked away in the opposite corner. All maintenance of the illusion of strength was lost.

They sat just like that; Jenny sobbing into her perplexed wife, for a good few moments before Vastra dared to speak.

"Please dear…" she began, still stroking the soft brown hair tied up on her wife's head, "Could you try to explain what is happening?" the Silurian ruefully coughed out a forced laugh, "I was convinced you were angry at  _me_ "

"No…" Jenny whispered, only just managing to croak the single word out.

"I would understand" Vastra choked, "If you saw me  _differently_  after…"

"No!" Jenny said more forcefully, "Vastra how could you-"

Vastra cleared her throat pointedly, and Jenny stopped herself mid-sentence, knowing that her recent avoidance of Vastra could only have been construed as displeasure with the Silurian. It was a logical assumption to have made, given their recent adventure in Vastra's past.

"Care to explain?" Vastra added, slight exasperation starting to show in her tone, but only just fraying the careworn edges.

Jenny pushed herself up off the chair and slid her legs to stand up between Vastra and the fire; she was sick of acting so helpless. If she hadn't refused to engage Vastra in the first place, this conversation would not have been necessary. After acclimatising to standing again, correcting her wobbly legs, and clearing the imminent head rush, Jenny finally looked her somewhat bewildered wife back in the eye with her usual determination.

"I'm sorry Vastra" she shook her head to herself, "I guess there's still a small part of me that ain't that good at just  _spitting it out_ " Jenny slumped her shoulders, "Guess I have ma family to thank for that"

' _Back to thinking about them again already'_  Jenny cringed. It was a predictable weakness though, after what had happened when they had discovered Jenny's 'preferences in companionship', as Vastra had so chastely put it.

"But I am not your family…" Vastra spoke levelly.

"You  _are_!" Jenny countered.

"You know I did not mean it like  _that_. What I meant is I am not your blood kin Jenny" Vastra arched her brow, "Our continued companionship is entirely choice, not arbitrary. Although I will admit I have little control over my feelings for you, I didn't have to pursue it" Vastra spread her arms out demonstratively at the room, "We built  _our_  family from scratch with no pre-existing mould, you were born a descendant of your parents whether you like it or not." Vastra frowned in a dismayed fashion, "So how could you think I would react like them?"

' _Just like that, she's disarmed my whole argument'_  Jenny could have slapped herself,  _'Of course the two situations are not comparable'._  She had nothing to say back to Vastra now, and wasn't even sure her original worry was worth bringing up any more. She knew that Vastra hadn't been talking about the same thing that had originally caused all this, but the two concepts seemed to fit together neatly; of course it had been stupid to extrapolate Vastra's change of heart to the context of her parents – the two sets of circumstances were wildly unrelated.

Just as Jenny had begun to think that her prolonged angst over her family had been completely unwarranted, Vastra chimed in with another perceptive observation.

"Is that what this is all about?" Vastra asked.

Jenny had been stood there, biting her lip absentmindedly in silence as she turned Vastra's words over in her head. This had clearly been enough time for the Silurian to be her famed powers of deduction to good use, and surmise the root of Jenny's fretful behaviour. Jenny was always awed by how frighteningly well Vastra knew her.

"Yes" Jenny conceded, still feeling shut down by Vastra's earlier arguments.

"My dear, you know how I rattle on" Vastra spoke encouragingly, watching her wife with interest, "Please, voice your concerns"

Buoyed by her wife's genuine tone, Jenny relented, and finally gave her the full details of her quandary. Vastra would only try to help her after all, she decided. Her wife had never deliberately barricaded any of her suggestions or thoughts; on the contrary she had explicitly gone great lengths to reassure Jenny when she had voiced previous anxieties. Jenny turned to study the flames in the hearth again, finding their natural patterns and colours soothing.

"Vastra, when we met your younger self" she began, the warm glow of the fire drying the tear tracks that were turning sticky on her face, "I saw just how much you'd changed"

Jenny heard her wife shuffling in her seat anxiously; she suspected she still wasn't completely at-ease, so she hastened to relax her, still regretting that she had allowed her beloved to believe all this distress was her fault. Vastra remained respectfully silent, listening attentively even in her discomfort.

"I loved you all the more for it, if that were possible" Jenny wiped a hand across her face, rubbing her sore eyes with visible strain, "If you can believe that, sounds ridiculous really – spent nearly all the bleedin' day getting threatened and insulted. But that weren't you, not  _my_  you anyway"

A heavy exhalation of breath was enough of an indicator to Jenny that the message of safety had finally transmitted itself to Vastra, at least partially.

"It made me think Vastra, we ain't set one way for life" Jenny ran her fingers down her puffy cheeks, "People can change, make mistakes…don't stop them from making the right choice later on"

"Jenny…" Vastra's tone was wary, "You're not saying you want to leave and go back are you?"

"No!" Jenny swung round in an instant, her look horrified, "God, Vastra, of course not!"

"Sorry…" the Silurian looked to the floor, knowing how foolish her question was, "I've just been a little on edge as of late"

"Yeah, well" Jenny smiled ironically, "That's my fault really. I didn't tell you cause I thought you'd take it the wrong way"

"Such delightfully backwards thinking my dear" Vastra chuckled despite herself, "I commend you on its ingenuity"

Jenny approached Vastra with the intention of cuffing the cheeky reptile on the crest (as was one of her favourite teases) but instead found herself drawn down to an affectionate kiss, which seemed to still both of their overreacting nerves. It felt wondrously like home again to be behaving intuitively with her lover once more.

"Come my love" Vastra rose from the chair and took the impossibly exhausted human into her strong arms, "Let us talk this through further upstairs, I think you need to lie down"

* * *

By the time Vastra had coaxed Jenny up to their bedroom, the woman has regressed into a near-childlike state, clearly emotionally spent. Vastra had effectively muzzled Jenny's troubles with a blanket of affection, and for at least a moment, they seemed happy to growl from under cover. Jenny more or less allowed Vastra to play maid for once (and not in a good way), and the Silurian was commendably patient given Jenny's treatment of her the past few days. Jenny was shocked that she seemed to have escaped retribution for her actions; her wife's devotion to her made little sense sometimes.

The entire process was a blur, Jenny feeling like a robot being inputted with commands. She was vaguely aware of the soothing, low tone of Vastra's voice, and the gentle guidance of her cool, scaled hands, but until she suddenly noticed she was tucked up in bed, she had no idea how disengaged she was being.

Jenny exclaimed in surprise at the presence of the bed cover over the top of her; she had also apparently managed to get changed. Next to her, a terrified looking Vastra monitored her with a vigilance that would be envied by elite scouts.

"Better?" Vastra smiled, her guard falling for a microsecond before she returned to her tireless watch over Jenny.

Jenny nodded to acknowledge her thanks; she hadn't felt well-rested since their return to Paternoster Row several days ago, and so fighting the urge to fall asleep in her comfortable state was proving to be a great challenge. Vastra stroked the side of her wife's face delicately, prompting a wide yawn from the descending human.

"I know you must rest my love, but pray tell me, is it your intention to seek out your family once more?"

Jenny could not manage to shift her seemingly heavy head to the side, but did give a flick of the eye in her wife's direction. Vastra was "investigating" her, Jenny was sure of it, and she would have to do something about it…right after she slept, of course.

"Yeah…" she murmured, not really meaning to, but unable to stem the tide of honesty in her weakened state.

"You know, my dear" Vastra paused, choosing her words carefully, "There is a vast difference between fixing something that has been broken" Vastra clenched her fist solemnly, "And creating something new" Vastra splayed her palm out like a blooming flower.

Jenny watched her, somewhat transfixed in her beleaguered state, trying to diffuse the meaning from Vastra's words, but sensing she was missing a large proportion of it.

"And…" Vastra carried on, watching Jenny with caution, wary of her wife either lapsing back into sorrow or falling asleep, "It matters whether we are dealing with good people who made a few bad choices, or bad people who were skilled at hiding their true intentions"

"Mmm…" Vastra was flickering in and out of Jenny's eyes, split up with dark red and then black as her eyelids slid open and shut. She was aware of the inherent sense in her wife's words, and she hoped that it meant that Vastra was considering helping her, but the energy to convey these thoughts had been absent in her system for days. Jenny felt herself sinking into the soft sheets of their bed, surrendering to the primordial need to rest.

"But I am over-taxing you" Vastra scolded herself, and moved to pull the covers up over her wife, tucking her in snugly, "Sleep" she directed.

Jenny's body obeyed immediately, as if compelled by duress.

* * *

When Jenny finally awoke, it was to an empty bed and a stream of midday light into their lonely bedroom. Vastra was noticeably absent; Jenny rarely woke up after her reptilian wife, and even if she did manage this great feat, Vastra wouldn't usually venture too far without coercion or true need. Whilst this gave Jenny pause to ponder what could have driven her wife to be so uncharacteristically industrious this morning (or perhaps was more appropriate, day), her mind was still preoccupied with the revelations she had made to the Silurian the previous night, and how Vastra might surmise her chances of success.

Vastra had been right (as was often the case) after all; Jenny did want to do  _something_  about her ruminations on her family. The young woman shifted lethargically in the bed, feeling a dull pull in her limbs that had been made lazy by over-sleeping. Once she had managed the now monumental task of sitting up, and had allowed the haze to wash over her bleary eyes, Jenny felt her mind clear enough to allow her space to appraise the situation, an ability she had not had for days.

The awkward scenario she now found herself deviating into however was that once she finally granted herself the headroom to evaluate her cause, she was immediately struck with the sheer hopelessness of the situation. Jenny felt her spirits plummet rapidly as she recalled her wife's ominous warnings; she knew Vastra had not intended to dishearten her, but the hefty dose of wisdom her wife had endowed her with had done nothing to lift her optimism. The one-time maid shivered despite the comforting warmth enveloping her, feeling an artificial sense of isolation in her solitude, urgently willing her wife to return to the room. What could she realistically hope to achieve by reaching out to her estranged kin? She supposed that she should be glad they had not tracked her down already, or sent some thug to bring harm to her and end the shame she had brought upon them. She expected that, at the least, her mother had wished bad upon her, and had prayed for her erstwhile daughter's redemption (in the eyes of her God). If Jenny turned up at their door, now comparatively wealthy and well to-do, not to mention thoroughly unrepentant, she suspected they would not take her sudden appearance well. Creeping doubt began to molest her senses more determinedly the further she delved into the hypothetical fantasy; surely her mother would be incredulous at her daughter's fortuitous return, scandalised at her blatant display of deviant sexuality, and angry at her offspring's rejection of the values she was raised to abide by?

It was just as Vastra said; not everyone was equally amenable to change. It had not been so long that Jenny had forgotten her mother's legendary stubbornness, or how stoical and sullen her father was renowned for being, no matter the circumstances. Yes, Vastra had once been the equivalent of a homicidal racist (towards humans, at least), but Vastra was also a lot more logical and intelligent than Jenny's parents, and most certainly had a better reflective grasp over her emotions (perhaps even too much so, given how prone to rumination she was). Vastra had also had the help of the Doctor to nudge her into the next phase of her development, whereas now Jenny felt the burden of this task resting uneasily on her weary shoulders, ready to tip at any moment.

It was with great fortune that Vastra inadvertently broke Jenny's reverie by delicately pushing the door open and passing over the threshold.

"You awake, my love" Vastra spoke, addressing her wife with a steady deliberation.

"Yes…" Jenny replied faintly, still lost in the maze of arguments she had admittedly walked herself into, and staring at the curtained windows. Jenny blinked her eyes down with a pained frown, forcing the thoughts down like a bitter pill, "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You were not  _well_ " Vastra replied factually, but with a detectable hint of poorly-concealed anguish.

"I am not sick-" Jenny began, preparing a protest.

"Well-being is not just a matter of physical health Jenny" Vastra moved over the bed to perch companionably on her side of the bed, half-turned to Jenny, "You had worked yourself into a great upset"

"Well…" Jenny turned to look at her wife, and was immediately taken aback by the vexation on Vastra's face; it would have been easy to assume Vastra herself was the one experiencing the personal sadness that Jenny felt. Jenny felt an immediate affinity and connection with her wife, which seemed to shield her from the worst of her anxieties as she continued, "It seems it was all for nothing eh?" Jenny dropped her head, "You were right – ain't no point is there?"

"I did not say that" Vastra countered calmly.

"No, but you may as well 'ave" Jenny bunched the sheets up in her fists, eternal frustration dogging her temper, "They was 'appy to let me go once!" Jenny raised her eyebrows in a silent assent to her own words, "Per'aps it were destroyed so badly…" she trailed off evasively.

"I see my words have had an unintended effect on you" Vastra grumbled at herself, self-depreciation belying her personal annoyance, "Jenny, I think you should see whether or not there is some value in this avenue of inquiry, at least to a point." Vastra bit her lip, as if she could not believe she was allowing herself to say such things, "But you must not think that it will be equivalent to my own transformation" Vastra cast a knowing glance at her stunned wife, her look now a resigned smile, "Romantic love is a  _terrible_  delusion after all"

Jenny laughed at her wife's jesting cynicism, feeling a lightness of heart not present in her since their return from the Silurian City. Her manner suddenly fell intense again however once the moment had passed.

"What if it all goes wrong Vastra? What if I bugger things up even worse than they already are?"

"Given that you have not had any manner of contact with them for several years now, I don't see how you could deteriorate the situation any further" Vastra nodded her head to the side, acknowledging how uncomforting the notion was, "But if it does, you  _always_  have me"

Vastra was almost bowled over with the speed at which Jenny threw herself onto her, embracing her wife with a ferocious devotion. Vastra just about managed to stop the both of them from crashing the floor whilst also managing to return the gesture gladly.

"You are also lucky that I have spent the entire morning formulating a plan" the Silurian smiled, relieved beyond measure.

* * *

The mission was simple: perform reconnaissance, deduce appropriate tactical projections, and engineer a withdrawal with minimum casualties (the green abomination had specified " _no_ casualties", but it always paid to be cautious). The stronghold was poorly fortified, easily set aflame if required, but alas, the reptile had also placed a blanket ban on any incendiaries (she was terrible at the  _art_ of  _war_ , preferred to waste her time depicting the boy's weak, unarmoured body instead). The noise emanating from the building was indistinguishable – all melding into one loud rumble like the war cry of a Sontaran battle squad.

"Excellent" the spy muttered.

The smell of human poison was ripe in his stubby nose as he pushed his way assertively through the crowded doorway, felling intoxicated scumbags with just a faint hint of pressure from his muscly arms. He needed to reach the inner sanctum of the structure in order to perform his required duties, but regular apprehensions stuttered his progress significantly; vile substances on the floor, lecherous human fornicators, and frequent smashing projectiles were to name a few. But he persisted with great endurance, and finally found the long thin entrance passageway open up into a larger gathering area.

Somehow, this area managed to be even more chaotic than the previous hallway. The patrons of this despicable establishment seemed to be flitting between gorging themselves on drugs and starting meaningless fights at an alarmingly fast rate. He could barely keep a steady eye on any of marks, who threw themselves around unsteadily between wooded seats and tables, and crowded gangways full of equally disruptive mammalian detritus. Somewhere in the midst of this, young, voluptuous maidens appeared to be serving and taking payment from these grizzled warriors, seemingly unfazed by the sheer lunacy that pushed crushingly close to them.

It was wonderful, Strax decided, quite simply the best institution he has discovered yet in this substandard "London".

But now was not the time for jest and merriment. The  _boy_  had been very specific about the contact Strax was to try and intercept, and he knew better than to anger the Mistress's pet human. His employer would get rather stern towards him if he upset the warm-blooded one, and he did not want his weapons curbed any more strictly than they already were (many of his best pieces were now locked away in a cabinet in the Mistress's laboratory). The boy had given a name of "Oliver" (a pathetic, soft name for a creature, Strax thought), who was apparently always situated in one, solitary corner of this very tavern. This "Oliver" was known for information, rather well-paid for it apparently, and used these human gatherings to obtain more of his trade for free. Strax had been given an allowance to procure a select amount of information from this primitive, and was to return to the Mistress and the boy when the correct details had been extracted.

Strax had been in favour of simply torturing the man, but once again, this incredibly clever idea had been dismissed by his unwise companions.

A quick glance to the aforementioned corner saw that, as promised, a ghostly pale young man with a fiery ginger head, adorned with a plan white shirt and dirt-brown waistcoat, was sat alone, avoided by most of the rowdy humans, watching and listening intensely over a tankard of his chosen swill. Occasionally a man would approach him, slip him a coin or two, and speak intensively for a moment, before discreetly retreating. After studying a few attempts by others, Strax was certain he had memorised the routine, and made to speak to this "Oliver" himself.

"Simple" he sniggered, conspiratorially.

* * *

Jenny practically flew to the front door as she heard the lumbering Strax return from his errand. Vastra stayed seated, plainly not wanting to encourage the state of alert omnipresent in her wife by colluding with it.

"You're back" Jenny breathed, as Strax shuffled crab-like through the doorway, a look of victory plastered worryingly across his stout face.

"Yes…" he grinned, "I have succeeded in my mission Madame!" he shouted into the sitting room, "Do you require a debriefing report?" he asked, in his well-versed tone.

"That will be necessary Strax" Vastra's patient drawl travelled out, almost daring to make Jenny laugh if she wasn't so nervous, "Please report to the sitting room"

Jenny was always caught between being amused and impressed at Vastra's ability to communicate with the Sontaran, and despite the seriousness of the situation had to force herself to stifle a snigger as he eagerly marched towards her wife. Jenny followed doggedly behind, not wanting to miss any crucial information.

She had had her reservations with entrusting Strax with this task, but as Vastra had quite rightly pointed out, he was the only one of them who could have vaguely passed as belonging in such an environment; Vastra would have been treated with suspicion, and Jenny would have likely been recognised at her father's once regular tavern. Still, Strax's battle-hardened nature belied a crushing naivety, and Jenny hasn't been sure he would know how to handle a slippery character such as Oliver.

Jenny resigned herself to standing tensely by the door, unable to relax, as Strax stood to attention and gleefully barked back his findings at the seated Vastra.

"I located this…"Oliver" creature successfully!" Strax strove a hand forward emphatically, "He was a most pleasant barbarian!"

" _Pleasant?!"_  Jenny groaned; she had feared this would happen.

"Why, yes!" Strax pivoted to address Jenny defensively, "We had the most enlightening conversation, and I procured the most valuable information" he gave a toothy, devious smile to the young woman, who did not return it.

"Really?" Jenny stuck her hands firmly on her hips, "Care to tell me 'ow it went?"

"Why certainly!" Strax bellowed.

* * *

"Are you…an "Oliver"?" Strax muttered under his breath, sidling conspicuously towards the side of shady-looking stranger.

"Perhaps" he replied, not taking his gaze off the crowd directly in front of him.

Strax had been trained for this eventuality, and promptly produced an ad hoc amount of his designated money to "loosen his tongue" as the boy had put it. Strax unceremoniously dumped the coins on Oliver's table, causing a loud clattering as the swivelled and fell still.

"What do you need?" the man asked, sweeping the coins off the table and into his pocket with one swift sweep of the hand.

"Information" Strax grunted, sidling in to sit at the table with Oliver, "On one of your kind" he added.

"Care to tell me which one?" Oliver replied sarcastically, giving Strax the smallest sideways glance before returning to his empty stare.

" _Frederick Flint_ " Strax enunciated.

"Oh yeah?" Oliver piped up, now slightly more engaged with the guileless Sontaran, "Who's asking?"

Strax tried to remember what the boy had told him, "Don't give anything away" might have been one of the instructions, but he wasn't sure. This gentleman seemed polite enough, thought Strax, what harm was there in aiding his enquiries?

"A boy in my household" Strax said, at least veiling some of the more identifiable features of his story.

"A boy you say?" Oliver leaned in to Strax, as if taking him into his confidence, "Truth be told, I expected it to be a  _lass_ "

"I do get things…confused" Strax admitted, somewhat embarrassed.

"Maybe so" Oliver drew back with a very subtle raise of his thin ginger eyebrows, "Well, you'll be hard-pressed to find old Fred about no more" Oliver shrugged in a non-committal fashion, "They say 'e's dyin'"

"He has sustained a mortal injury in combat?" Strax asked, excitedly, hoping that this "Fred" may be worth his respect.

"'Ardley" Oliver scoffed, "Believe what you want, but I say all 'e's got wrong with 'im is a broken 'eart" Oliver shook his head ruefully, "Ain't b'in the same since 'is daughter went to the bad" Oliver's expression turned suddenly dark, and he leaned even closer in to the mollified Strax, to whisper in an undertone, "They say she got sweet on another match girl, and then disappeared. What's more, that match girl were 'anged for murder. Dodgy business" Oliver sat back and took a long gulp of his bitter beverage.

"How disgraceful" Strax agreed, not really understanding lot of what Oliver meant, but simply carrying on with general sentiment to encourage rapport. Sensing Oliver needed a little more 'encouragement' Strax slammed his fist down with some extra coins onto the table. Oliver leered greedily, deftly pocketed the coins, and then continued.

"They also say" he drew uncomfortably close to Strax, "That the old man were soft. Went lookin' for 'is girl, drove 'imself to madness" Oliver snorted, "Started ravin' about some detective…utter nonsense if you ask me. No-one could make 'ead nor tail of it"

"Detective you say?" Strax asked, his interest piqued.

Oliver regarded him carefully for a number of seconds, before sliding a wily hand around the alien's shoulder companionably.

"Why, does a clever gentleman such as yerself 'appen to know somethin' I don't?" he squeezed Strax tighter whilst he lavishly complimented the Sontaran. Feeling appreciated by this Oliver, Strax saw no harm in obliging him with some help.

"The Great Detective is my employer…she is a  _girl one_ " he divulged proudly, "She also cares for the boy. They are… _married_ " he added with an element of distaste. He hated the weak fawning of his two compatriots; it was a great weakness in battle to be so attached to another being.

"A  _woman_  eh?" Oliver chimed, struggling to hide his obvious surprise (which Strax missed entirely), "And this boy you speak of;  _he_  wouldn't 'appen to be, say, yay high" Oliver gestured in the air at around Jenny's height, "Per'aps some long brown hair? Beauty spot right 'ere?" Oliver pointed to a section of his own pale face, "Maybe twenty-something?" Oliver smiled, "Bit of an attitude?"

Strax didn't legitimately know whether all of the details singularly were true, but the picture Oliver was creating in his mind very closely resembled that of the boy. Glad to be considered useful for once, Strax continued in his state of leniency.

"Why yes, that does sound rather like the boy!" Strax exclaimed.

"Shush now pal" Oliver hissed, "That 'ere's useful information" he patted Strax solidly on the back, "Much obliged"

Strax had never felt so thoroughly pleased with himself, he wished he could spend more time in this good fellow's company, but he knew he must return to Paternoster Row before the boy's temper flared towards its recently low boiling point.

"Farewell then comrade!" Strax shouted as he threw himself up off his seat suddenly and threw the rest of his coin allowance on the table in front of Oliver, "I trust this covers your services?"

"You have no idea" the devious man sniggered.

* * *

By the time Strax had finished his recollection of the incident, Jenny looked ready to descend into apoplexy.

"Oh God" she cradled her forehead in her palm, "You told 'im…"

"My dear?" Vastra rose from her chair suddenly. Strax watched on, nonplussed.

"That will get back to my Mother;  _I tell you_ " Jenny looked up at Vastra desperately, tears threatening to burst from her eyes "She'll know I'm looking for 'im, and that I'm still…" Jenny pulled down on the skin under her eyes and then closed her hand tensely over her chin, "I should 'ave known Oliver would get too much out of you" Jenny looked at Strax tersely.

"You are most welcome!" Strax bowed obliviously and then stomped out of the room to climb the stairs with a series of loud thuds.

As the sound of Strax's footsteps faded out to cease on the upper floor, Vastra walked over to her wife's side to stroke her arm timidly.

"You should go to your Father" Vastra stated plainly.

Jenny placed her hand over Vastra's and closed her eyes; it was difficult to remain calm. She hadn't expected Strax to obtain any information, but had felt so desperately hopeless she had been willing to chance it. Now she had the information she desired, she did not know what to do with it. Worst of all, thanks to Oliver, news of her would travel back to undesired ears, making the whole endeavour so much more troublesome.

But she had to go. Now that she knew, to ignore the opportunity would be unforgivable. Her Father had gone  _looking_  for her! He had forgiven her, and she had just assumed he would react as her Mother had.

"Mother will not make it easy" Jenny croaked, the thin hold she was maintaining over her composure coming close to snapping, "I can't believe I…he…"

"It's not your fault my dear" Vastra interrupted, "But that doesn't mean you should not take action"

Jenny buried her head unceremoniously into Vastra's waiting shoulder, and cried with a force she had not experienced in years. The heaving in her shoulders was almost painful; like being jerked up and down by a puppeteer. She felt possessed with her emotions, as if she was consumed by her grief, only anchored by the watchful, silent woman who now wrapped her arms protectively around the young human's frame.

"We will do what we can" Vastra whispered, "I shall make it so"

Jenny believed her, and for the time being, that was enough.


	10. Reflections - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the conclusion to Reflections, probably one of my darker stories.
> 
> This story will also tie in with one of my current fics - "Black Velvet", which is in progress and in which these two will feature as part of the ensemble! Please do amble over there if you would like the follow up to all this!
> 
> If you're interested - I had two particular songs in my head as I wrote this. "True" by Amaranthe, and "Shout at the Moon" by Mallory Knox.
> 
> NB: (I will update the rest of the fic shortly, I've stayed up too late writing Black Velvet and uploading chapters of this one...thank you for your patience!)

"Something feels wrong"

Jenny looked up at her taller wife, who was staring at Jenny's former house with an ominous look, only just discernible behind her veil.

"We just ain't welcome here, that's all" Jenny replied, wishing that she could believe the statement herself.

"No." Vastra steeled herself, "It is more than that."

Jenny had no suitable retort for that, and so she stayed silent. Truth was, she felt it too; the whole thing felt like a set-up. Something was decidedly  _off_.

On the surface however, everything was exactly as they expected. They had journeyed over to Jenny's family residence the day after Strax's semi-successful errand, and had been met with derision from the moment they stepped out of the cab. The looks they had earned in their comparatively high-class clothing had been icy enough to turn even Jenny cold-blooded. Angry eyes had followed their every step; peering behind ragged curtains and around shifty corners, or else blatantly and shamelessly from the side of the streets. Jenny wondered if any of the gazes that watched them so intently could recognise that she had once been one of their own. She couldn't decide whether that would be a good thing or not. Vastra had kept Jenny close and own her eye line down, trying to draw attention from them as best as she could, but the sight of a veiled lady and a beautiful young assistant was unlikely to be missed in such circumstances. Jenny was very glad Vastra had insisted on accompanying her to visit her Father; without her wife, she would have felt incredibly exposed and vulnerable. The Silurian felt like a barrier to the virulent rejection that was thrown at them like caltrops, prickling sharply underfoot. Vastra was the only thing preventing Jenny from feeling desperately alone as they passed through the gauntlet of unforgiving stares, ' _Returning the favour'_  Jenny thought, ironically - knowing that Vastra knew herself how such rejection could feel.

Jenny had known this would be the reception they received, but her avoidance of the subject for many years meant that it still delivered a nasty blow to her sensibilities. It was difficult to accept that this community of survivors that had raised her now saw her as a traitor; an outcast who had outgrown them. Jenny may as well have been in a different country, so foreign this landscape now felt to her.

But they had made it to Jenny's parent's door without apprehension; the residents of this slum apparently not willing to approach such strange guests. Yet as soon as they had arrived outside their destination, something had shifted. It was more than the abject shame that had dragged behind Jenny like a ball and chain throughout her walk to her one-time residence, and it was more than the gurgling fear that flared up in her gut every time she considered the possibility of having to confront her mother; it was as if the very air was repelling them, willing them to turn around. Sorrow and death infected the atmosphere around the house, dragging and pulling downwards, filling the two women with a sense of impending doom and dread.

"Take a few steps back" Vastra spoke.

Jenny and Vastra, still connected at the arm, moved back four steps, and immediately felt the pressure lift from their nerves. It was uncanny – ' _Like a bad omen'_ Jenny thought suspiciously.

"Something is in there that should not be" Vastra concluded, lifting her free hand to hover it in the air before her and then withdrawing it with wonder. It reminded Jenny of Demon's Run, and Vastra's hand repelling off the barrier. She almost wished she was back there in abject danger rather than stood amidst this eerie aura, such was the level of discomfort it imposed on her.

"Like what?" Jenny whispered, frightened of the answer.

Vastra set her mouth into a strained, confused semi-smile and shook her head.

"I'm sorry Jenny, I don't know. But it is highly dangerous"

Jenny gulped back what she could from her terribly dry mouth. She didn't like it when Vastra didn't know something, it never boded well.

"Could it be 'urting my Father?" she hissed, almost afraid to speak too loudly in case this presence could hear her.

"It would hurt anything" Vastra declared, in an absolute, final tone that made Jenny shudder.

"I have to go in" Jenny stated. The thought of her sick, relenting Father had tormented her enough, so adding the element of an evil presence only further solidified her determination to seek him out and give him a chance to speak to her. If her Father had somehow been harmed looking for his runaway daughter, for her…Jenny winced at the painful thought; she had held on to so many poisonous assumptions about her family over the past years, and to think that she may have been gravely mistaken smarted almost as hard as her original decision to leave them behind.

Jenny looked back to Vastra, fully expecting her wife to baulk at the idea and try to forbid her entering the seemingly cursed property. But she was instead met with a considered silence, as the Silurian appeared to be sifting through a number of thoughts before responding. Eventually, Vastra made to speak.

"I agree" she admitted, "We cannot allow such a thing to abide any longer"

Jenny had to stop herself from launching the fully-formed riposte she had planned on assaulting Vastra with before it poured out reflexively. Clamping her mouth shut before it betrayed her, Jenny took a few seconds to digest this revelation before she decided it made her feel even more uncomfortable with the situation. The severity of the threat would have to be drastic for Vastra to consider getting involved so recklessly.

Before she could articulate this, the pair were approached by what appeared to be an old washer-woman, who hobbled up to them apprehensively.

"You can feel it can't yeh?"

Jenny and Vastra both turned to the squat, bent-over elderly lady, scraggly grey hair falling down her gaunt face and licking the edges of her (presumably) once-white apron and plain smock-like dress. She looked at them with a helping of hesitation tempered with smug satisfaction at finally having an audience for her words.

"'Ow long as it b'in like that?" Jenny asked, assuming it was best for her to speak to the woman rather than threatening her with Vastra's prodigious vocabulary. The washer-woman made no attempt to mask her surprise at the familiar accent permeating through Jenny's tone; the young woman's well-fed appearance masked the usual traces of her background.

"'E spent years lookin' for 'is daughter" the woman continued dramatically, revelling in the rapt attention of the two strangers, "Never gave it up, I tell you" she waggled a crooked finger at Jenny's distraught features, "But 'bout two months go 'e fell grave ill. Ain't 'eard from poor Fred since" the woman frowned deeply, "That's when it started to feel like that" the woman added austerely, nodding towards the house, "If you ask me, the lass weren't worth it" she spat.

Jenny had to throw an arm across Vastra to stop the woman from diving into a fierce counter-attack. Vastra drew back and nodded at Jenny, acknowledging how unwise it would be.

"As for Nancy, the girl's mother…" the woman shook her head sadly, "She ran out just a moment ago, raving I tell you! Sayin' 'e were on 'is death bed" she wrinkled her nose sceptically, "Dunno what 'elp she thinks she'll find round 'ere" she shrugged cynically.

"The woman is not present?" Vastra asked.

"Like I said" the woman repeated, eyeing Vastra with suspicion almost exclusively reserved for the moneyed amongst society.

"Thank you" Jenny intersected quickly, handing the woman a handful of loose coins for her trouble, "You've b'in most 'elpful"

"God bless you dear" the woman nodded, before limping away in the other direction.

"Filthy hypocrite" Vastra muttered, when the old woman had only just moved out of ear-shot.

"She don't know no different" Jenny admitted half-heartedly, agreeing with Vastra in spirit, but also knowing her wife was once guilty of ignorance too.

"Hmm" said Vastra sceptically, not wanting to press the sensitive subject any further.

"I should go in now" Jenny decided, "While Mother's out". Jenny knew that avoiding her Mother was cowardly, but it was also the only feasible way of getting in and out of the building without drawing attention to the pair of them.

"Yes" Vastra agreed flatly, "That would be wise"

But after it had been settled, neither of the women were immediately keen to move from their static position. Jenny looked apprehensively at her blood family's home, regretting her eagerness to volunteer for this doomed errand. It all seemed so hopeless, yet now she knew the peril that lay within, she could neither throw herself in nor abandon her Father.

Sensing her wife's burden, Vastra hesitantly wrapped an arm around Jenny's waist, despite the eyes which bored down on them judgmentally. Jenny leant into the gesture gladly, needing the reassurance despite their usual avoidance of blatant affection in public (barring a couple of incidents including a confused inspector, and another with a very flustered maid answering the door).

"Alright" Jenny puffed her chest out, bravely, "If I call out-"

"I will be there" Vastra finished, "And Jenny, if you see anything… _out of place_ " she emphasised knowingly, aware of the alert ears which eavesdropped on their conversation, "Promise me you will leave it alone and come back for me"

"Of course" Jenny replied, for once not intending to meddle in anything or blithely seek out trouble. This seemed too serious for that; the ominous veil which surrounded the house was enough to the dampen the rebellious fire that usually roared within her. Jenny felt as if she was full of smoke and embers, pointlessly burning out into a charred mess, as if she was made of nothing of substance any more.

Vastra let go of her, and Jenny walked nervously towards the house, the door of which lay pitifully ajar. Peering through the gap, the woman could see only the same old kitchen and living area which had always been there, silhouetted like a crypt of old in the deathly gloom. The only change that Jenny could see was that it looked somehow dirtier, dustier and more cluttered as if nobody had lived there for an age. The building was like a relic to Jenny, a monument of a past she had long forgotten, like the skeleton of an ancient relative, rotting in lost grounds. It may as well have been from another age.

Yet as she took one last glance back to her wife, who was now guarding the entrance, and pushed the flimsy door further in towards the house, Jenny had to admit that a familiar feeling still crept up her legs and into her stomach at walking in to her childhood home. It was as if a long leash had been tied from her neck to the threshold of the house, and she had only just recently roamed far enough away to feel it tug. The same decrepit furniture and gaudy heirlooms lay in their regular spots, unmoved. The same grey rug beneath her still blended indistinguishably into the floorboards in its grimy state, and it was the same restrictive walls that bore down on her oppressively, caging her in. All it took was five steps into the property to remind Jenny why she had left in the first place, but she had not come to reminisce, or out of pity for her old life.

"N-ancy?"

The shaky voice broke the uneasy silence, the voice coming from one of the bedrooms. But the tone was unmistakable, and made Jenny's veins course as if she had heard the click of a loaded gun to her forehead. It had been years since she had heard her Father's gravelly tone, and never had it sounded so vulnerable.

Unable to compose an adequate reply, Jenny stood still for a moment, suspended in the eerie atmosphere as it was broken by the loud coughing and wheezing which followed her Father's call. 'Sound like 'es dying alright' she thought grimly, sympathy not quite managing to overcome the paralysing fear that lingered over her head expectantly.

"Oos…oos there?" her Father cried painfully.

'Damn' Jenny cursed herself, knowing that her hesitation was as good as shouting out that she was an imposter. Her Mother would have become hysterical, rushed to his side by now.

'Breaking in to my own home', she thought ironically, 'Who would have thought it would be so difficult?'

But it was not truly her home any more, and she knew that.

Acknowledging that she had forced her own hand, Jenny took the final dive over the edge, and walked tentatively through the side door out of the kitchen, and into the adjoining room – her parent's room. She was still on high alert in case her Mother materialised from thin air, such as she was prone to do.

She saw her Father before he saw her. The cramped little bedroom look even more squalid than it had done when Jenny was a child, since she had grown up she had barely gone inside the room (to do so would have been to risk the ire of her Mother). The room was dominated, as ever, by the rickety, wooden-framed bed that took up over half the room. Squashed in alongside the bed were one cupboard to her left, and a bedside table to her right, both as stained and unkempt as ever. Aside from the dour furniture, a chipped vase of dying, unrecognisable flowers sat sadly on top of the bedside table. It could not have been made any drabber that it already was, except for the heaving mass that lay on top of the stained sheets, struggling to move his head to acknowledge the stranger that had entered.

He looked so thin. That was perhaps what shocked her most; that the strong labourer who had once punched her boss in the face now looked barely able to sit up. Despite all the years of separation, and the sense of betrayal she had harboured persistently against her family, Jenny felt herself instinctively well up. She tried to not dwell on the thought of him desperately searching for her despite her abject disappearance, but that niggle of self-doubt began to bite at her ankles again. Was she not partially to blame for this after all?

She stood awkwardly at the threshold as he laboriously turned his weak head around to face her. They locked eyes and despite lifelessness in his grey eyes, for a moment they returned to their former, fierce energy.

"J-Jenny?" he managed to breathe, with great effort, "Is it-"

"Yes" Jenny choked, "Yes it is"

But before she could go to him, he managed to shakily lift a withered arm and hold it towards her warningly.

"Sta-" he wretched and coughed, the arm flopping hopelessly to his side, "Stay…a…way" he groaned.

Jenny lurched forward reflexively, and suddenly knew why he had refused to allow her to come close. The front portions of her body which entered the room felt suddenly devoid of life, chilled as if the very fibres of her being had died. She jumped back before she could stop herself.

"What is it?" she shuddered.

"N…never…mind" he forced, "Yer…Mo…ther won't listen to me. It's making 'er….ill…too"

"When did she ever?" Jenny replied sadly, not knowing if that level of familiarity was now inappropriate.

"Why…did you come?" he gasped, clearly not wanting to dwell on the subject.

Jenny stood rigid, torn by trying to decide what level of detail she should give him, feeling a strange distance between the two of them due to her not being able to approach him.

"Oliver…'e told a friend of mine that you came lookin' for me" she admitted uneasily, "Also said you were…"

"Dyin'?" her Father finished for her.

"Yeah" she confirmed glumly.

"Well…'e were right 'about both" her Father sighed painfully, "An' e' told us you was…alive. In work an'… _married_  now?" he finished, his inflection denoting the statement as a question.

"That's righ'" she admitted cautiously.

They paused for a moment while each party digested the hard information that they were throwing at each other, breaking down each statement into more manageable segments.

"Why…di'nt you tell us?" her Father asked desperately, "I thought…" he trailed off, somewhere in the middle of an angry and distraught response.

"Didn't think you'd want to know" she muttered.

"I guess…tha's fair" he begrudged, "But you…di'nt 'ave to… _go_ "

Jenny wanted to believe that this was the case; that she had been mistaken and her parents had longed for her company all this time. But she knew, at least for her Mother, that this was completely false. Her Mother would have physically kicked her out of the house the night Jenny left if she had managed to get a hand on her daughter.

"That ain't true Father" Jenny spoke as she exhaled heavily, the weight of the sorrow feeling like a crushing barrage of weight on her chest.

"It was f'er me" he countered indignantly.

The hopelessness of the situation was almost too much for her to keep standing there, and Jenny found herself wondering what she had hoped to achieve from making this journey. Yes, she had confirmed that her Father had always forgiven her, and that was something to be glad for; but her Mother would  _never_  change. It was the same now as it had always been, and with her Father dying, there was no time to reconcile even with him. Soon it would only be her hard-headed Mother left here, withering away in the same pertinacious anger as she always had done.

"I didn't know…" Jenny sobbed, willing a control over her rising grief that was not forthcoming, "Father I…"

"Schh.." her Father wheezed, "Let's 'ave none of tha'" he pleaded, "Are yeh safe?" he appealed, "Are yeh… _'appy_?"

"Yes" Jenny answered confidently, without hesitation, "Yes of course"

"Then let's leave it." He decided, a sense of sudden finality in his tone, as if he had exhausted his will to talk about the matter. It was so like him, Jenny thought, not to dwell on hard matters any longer than needed. He hadn't indicated if Oliver had mentioned Vastra's gender; perhaps he did not wish to discuss it. She allowed the matter to cease for now.

"Jenny" his tone turned serious as he changed the subject, "Can you…do a dyin' man a favour" he beseeched, "… _Get it out_ "

Jenny frowned in confusion.

"What?" she inquired.

Her Father inclined his head subtlety to the bedside table by his head, and Jenny saw immediately what he was referring to. Around the edges of the top wooden drawer, a strange red glow was seeping through the cracks and the edges of the movable parts. As she regarded it, Jenny knew instantly that this was the source of the malaise that affected the property.

"Someone…said it would 'elp me find you" he grimaced, the lines on his face suddenly appearing deeper, "Said…it could…" he growled to himself, "I'm a…bloody…fool. But you got to get rid of it…so it won't…'urt Nancy…like it 'urt me"

"Whatever's in there" Jenny pointed to the glow, "Made you sick?"

"Aye" her Father confirmed.

Jenny wasn't sure about the logistics of how something like that could come to be, but a deep-seated part of her believed it without reservation. The malevolent light seemed to be burning itself into her retinas, poisoning the atmosphere with its spiteful energy. A rarity as it was; Jenny felt dangerously out of depth, and knew that taking any further action would be equivalent to stepping off a sand dune into a deep, uncharted ocean.

"Wait here" Jenny commanded.

"Ain't goin' nowher'" her Father responded ruefully.

Jenny turned to run back outside, but as she came into the kitchen found that Vastra was already rushing towards her.

"Did I ever mention I have excellent hearing?" the Silurian spoke evasively in response to Jenny's unanswered question, waving her wife off with a swipe of her palm through the air.

"Yes dear" Jenny sighed knowingly, yet relieved that the experienced older woman was coming to her aid.

Jenny followed Vastra back to the threshold of her Father's room, where the Silurian had halted exactly where Jenny had been standing.

"This is not good" Vastra portentously announced, setting Jenny into a pervasive status of alarm, Vastra's keen head snapped to the location of the object, "Goddess, this is potentially disastrous"

"'Oos tha'" her Father asked.

"This…this is Madame Vastra" Jenny replied sheepishly from behind the tall Silurian.

"Does she always talk like tha'?"

Jenny shrugged, rolling her eyes as if to show she had no control over Vastra's vernacular.

"Is she?" her Father asked, the tone of which implied that he had indeed known Jenny's other half was indeed a woman.

Jenny nodded morosely from behind Vastra, only just within her Father's eye line.

"I'm sorry Mr Flint but I must act with haste" Vastra interrupted, "Jenny you are not to come in here,  _do you understand_?" Vastra would not move her gaze from the red light, and spoke to her without looking back, "If I am right, then simply being in range of this object would cause you grievous harm"

Jenny's Father seemed to be evaluating Vastra while she made her speech; having come to a conclusion, he made the faintest grunt of acceptance and nod in Jenny's direction. The young woman could not have been more amazed if the house had suddenly decided to take spontaneous flight into the air.

But there was no time to dwell on this unexpected development.

"Then why the blazes should I let you go near it?!" she shot back, "'Es  _my_  Father, I should-"

"Jenny, I have a far longer lifespan to bargain with than yours"

The implications behind her wife's statement was totally abhorrent to Jenny.

"What is that supposed to-" Jenny was unable to finish her sentence due to her indignation, "Vastra I-"

"Jenny please be reasonable, one year to you means a lot more than one year to me" Vastra took her eyes off the radiating drawer for a moment to bore a metaphorical hole through Jenny with the intensity of the resolve in her eyes, " _Stay there_ "

Jenny was about to formulate an argument when Vastra stepped into the room without warning, leaving the young woman to throw her hands pointlessly in the air and let them crash down by her side in a futile expression of exasperation.

The Silurian approached the bedside table slowly, pulling out the same futuristic scanning device that she had used to scan the disappearing stars at Trenzalore. Holding it as close to the table without touching it, Vastra monitored the screen closely before an urgent beeping noise emanated from the scanner.

"It is as I feared" she confirmed.

Jenny craned her neck to try and see around her wife to the screen, but it was blocked from view.

"What is it?" Jenny whispered cautiously.

"How long did you handle this before you fell ill?" Vastra asked Jenny's Father.

"'Bout two nights" he coughed, "Then I shut the damn thing away" he spat, "But it was…too late"

"Then there can be no doubt" Vastra turned to Jenny, "Jenny this is one of the most illegal pieces of equipment in the entire universe." Vastra frowned, "Just being caught in possession of this would trigger an entire fleet of Judoon to your door, courtesy of the Shadow Proclamation"

"Judoon?" Jenny asked

"Intergalactic Police, in a manner of speaking" Vastra laughed emptily, "Very black and white, hand out death penalties like business cards"

Jenny gulped, feeling even more sick than she already did.

"This device is known as a 'Moment Under Death Energy Re-simulator' – which someone cleverly gave the acronym of MURDER" she announced gravely, "Colloquially though, most people just call them the 'Death Sticks'"

"Moment under…?"

"This device harnesses a power that was inspired by the Weeping Angels, and it was banned almost the second it was invented" Vastra began, "The Weeping Angels feed off lives never lived, sending people back into another time, unable to return to their intended time. The MURDER device applies a variant of that; trapping a person in a continuous time loop, forever re-living the moment of their death and then jumping back just before the death occurred. It can create thousands of tiny fractures in time, even completely new dimensions! The resulting energy from the process creates the power for devices such as this" Vastra pointed to the drawer, "And the being is never allowed to finally rest"

"How do they capture the lives?!" Jenny spoke, horrified.

"Once they worked out how to manufacture it, they would send out entire squads to attack and kill people to trap in the time loops" Vastra continued, "This portable version is just one of many potential pieces of equipment that could be created, and entire genocides were planned to be committed in the name of powering these things. Thankfully the production was shut down, brutally, just weeks after it started. But little pockets of continuation clearly still exist, and some devices had already found their way into general circulation, surviving the destruction"

"Then…" Jenny looked at her grimacing Father, "'Ow did 'e get it?"

"Good question" Vastra replied, looking at Mr Flint pointedly.

"Some…woman" he growled, "Weren't…all there" he admitted, "Said it…were free…would 'elp"

"Yet you still accepted the device?" Vatra commented incredulously.

"I were…desperate" he finished.

Jenny felt another sharp wave of agony engulf her at her Father's pathetic state, but she knew better to defy Vastra when she was in a mood such as this, so she stayed outside of the room.

"Clearly" Vastra replied curtly.

Jenny would usually have reprimanded Vastra for such poor manners, but the Silurian was so clearly vexed by the situation that she decided it would be inappropriate, just this once.

"So what does it do?" Jenny asked warily, changing the subject but not truly wishing to know the answer.

"The device is simply designed to kill" Vastra explained, "At the smallest touch of its armed end any living matter which came into contact with it would die instantly. But the energy which radiates from it is also of such dark potency it would quickly drain and ultimately destroy anything which strays into its radius for long periods of time. For smaller life forms, proximity alone could be enough to finish them"

Vastra motioned to the floor around the chest of drawers, and Jenny could just about make out a miniature graveyard of withered insects lying solemnly in the gloom. An emaciated mouse also lay by the side of the furniture – its little frame contracted into what appeared to be an excruciatingly painful pose. There was also the wilted flowers on top, flopped hopelessly against the side of the chipped vase.

"You are lucky, Mr Flint, that you have enclosed it within this furniture, as it seemed to be muting the effect to a point. But the cracks and gaps in the wood are allowing the effects to bleed through." She paused thoughtfully, "How long have you been in this state?"

"'ard to say" He sighed, "Few weeks…maybe? Lost…track" he spluttered.

"That is far longer than could have been expected" Vastra mused, "It cannot pass through dead or inorganic material; although the wood is organic, it has died, and so is acting as a partial shield. But it is not airtight enough for it to remain"

"Then what do we do?!" Jenny inquired frantically – afraid that her Father and Vastra were both standing in range of this horrific invention, "We can't just leave it!"

"Quite right" Vastra commented levelly, "It must be deactivated"

"'Ow?!" Jenny exclaimed, feeling bolder with her angry momentum, "'Ow can something that powerful be destroyed?"

"The energy it produces is very powerful, yes" Vastra responded calmly, arching a brow at Jenny in an acknowledgement of the human's impatience, "But the 'handle', if you like, is actually very delicate and intricate. The machinery is very complex and easily damaged" Vastra stroked her chin deliberately, "I would estimate a sharp, short blade would be enough to disturb the inner workings and free the individual from the time loop"

"Ok then!" Jenny enthused, "Then let's just do it"

But the sudden weathered look on Vastra's face told her that it was not going to be as easy as she hoped.

"What is it?" Jenny asked.

"I'm sorry Mr Flint" Vastra turned to the dying man who watched on with as much interest as he could muster, "But if I open that drawer…"

"I know" he rumbled.

"You would have one, maybe two hours…"

"Ain't…much…diff'runt" he half-chuckled misanthropically.

" _ **What?!"**_ Jenny exclaimed almost charging into the room had it not been for Vastra's incredibly steely glare and ready-to-pounce arms at her side.

"Jenny please, control yourself" Vastra chastised her gently, "Opening the draw will send out a blast of the ' _radiation'_  from the device" Vastra explained, "Since Mr. Flint is in such a weakened state, I doubt his body will be able to cope with the exposure" Vastra's look turned to sympathy, "He will die shortly afterwards"

Despite knowing that her father was dying from the onset, Jenny still had to brace herself as the shock of Vastra's admission rippled through her like the aftershock of Strax's battle rifle. A stubborn, illogical segment of her being had perhaps believed that the damage was reversible, that Vastra could fix it and all would be finally reconciled. But it was a dream of a child; a child that had grown up long before she was ever kicked out of the very house Jenny stood in. Deflated beyond measure, Jenny had to accept that today she would lose her father again, just after she had wondered if she might be allowed him back.

"Can't we…" Jenny's voice shook as she spoke, "Drag the furniture out? Move it away from 'im?" She pleaded.

"No!" her father's voice rang out before Vastra had had the chance to voice the protest that was already forming on her lips. "I…wanna see it…gone" he vowed.

"But-"

"Don't…argue" he commanded, "Yer…still…my daughter"

Jenny did not know if the potential double-meaning to that sentence was intended or not, but it was enough to near-crumble her. That he still called her his  _daughter_ , even if it was for the purpose of telling her what to do, was crushingly painful for Jenny. There was a river of missed chances racing before her even as she stood there, dragging her down and threatening to drown her in their infinite multitude. The tears had marked Jenny's face before she had marked their presence.

Jenny was so incredibly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of  _words_  that she wanted to scream,  _things_  she wanted to say - that ultimately she found herself saying nothing. The young woman simply stayed where she was planted, watching miserably as the scene before her spiralled rapidly out of her grasp.

"There's….a knife…." Mr Flint growled, "Under…"

Vastra nodded to save him the energy of explaining, and stooped to retrieve a bundle of grey cloth. Unfolding it respectfully, she found a surprisingly well-kept hunting knife, perhaps passed down through a series of generations. The Silurian toyed with the weight of it in her hand for a moment before seeming satisfied.

"Yes, this shall be sufficient"

Mr Flint whispered something out of earshot from Jenny, and the Silurian motioned back an approval seriously before moving back to the chest of drawers.

Vastra's gloved hand was grasped firmly, but expertly around the sturdy, dark wooden handle, the blade still managing to shine somehow in the dully lit room. Jenny watched through bleary eyes, wishing guiltily that her wife would simply strike the blade through her father's heart rather than allow him to suffer in such a manner. She wondered how many souls the knife had denied life, morbidly dwelling on how many breaths it may have stopped during its gruelling history. It was unlike Jenny to be so hysterical and maddened, but she felt a creeping mania as Vastra placed her sturdy free hand on the draw, ready to pull it open.

"Ready?" the Silurian asked.

Mr Flint nodded resignedly.

Without warning, and without looking back at the ruined Jenny, Vastra pulled the drawer open with a sharp tug. A deathly cold and debilitating aura surged around Jenny at the edges, deepening the fell atmosphere already engulfing her, but she barely took heed of it, for Vastra was plunging the dagger into the waiting cavity.

A terrible explosion of red light proceeded and dispersed around the bedroom angrily, knocking the sad little vase onto the floor in a shattering fall. Vastra was knocked cleanly onto the ground and lay there convulsing, clearly in abject pain. Jenny's father simply grimaced and tossed and turned as much as he was physically able to; the only one who seemed remotely unaffected was Jenny herself, watching this terrible charade as a forced voyeur.

"Vastra!" Jenny screamed.

"S…tay!" Vastra managed to spit out as her face convulsed in a paroxysm of distress.

Jenny stood rooted in indecision for a few moments, and was about to defy her wife regardless, when the erratic red light finished its dance around the room, and ceased immediately. Vastra was still stuck in an intermittent spasm, curled into a foetal position on the floor, and her father was even more hushed and catatonic than he had been before. Wanting to run to both of them at once, Jenny hesitated as her body drew her in two opposing directions, which gave a window for a strange hologram to emit from the open drawer where the fated device lay.

A scene, in a red hue, was projected into the air, giving a strange fiery tinge to the bedroom as if they were in the centre of a bubbling volcano. A young man, perhaps Jenny's age, walked down what could have been any of the nondescript streets in the local area, until he came face-to-face with a hooded stranger. The attire of the stranger was clearly from another time – his hooded top, soldier's boots, and combat trousers padded and equipped for combat. The Victorian man stopped, confused, and without warning the Future man drew an automatic rifle (the likes of which Jenny knew did not exist yet) and tore through the light rags of the Victorian man's poor clothing, splattering a darker, more foreboding red shade across the scene. But as the man began to fall down, seconds from true death, his flat cap falling sadly to the grimy floor, the scene blipped and went back to the beginning.

Jenny watched it morbid fascination as this repeated itself three times in a perfect cycle, before finally, the red light began to dim, and the man fell to his knees and passed out, face down on the floor, blood seeping from his chest as his internal organs failed and he was finally allowed to rest. The hologram was overcome with static, and then disappeared completely.

Jenny snapped out of her reverie to rush to help Vastra to her feet, as the Silurian had managed to gain control back over her body movements and was trying to push herself up off the floor.

" _ **You didn't tell me that would damn near kill you!"**_ Jenny berated her wife, furious at the reprobate Silurian, but relieved as she gently placed her hands under Vastra's armpits and pulled her to her feet.

"Please Jenny" Vastra replied huskily, winded, "That would have taken ten years off your life. I couldn't…"

Jenny's remaining emotional reserves were now added a third division between concern for Vastra and her father; gobsmacked fury.

" _ **Y'what?!"**_ She shrieked, " _ **Then how many-"**_

She was interrupted by a well-placed cough from her father.

"Thank…you" he eked out, "Now…go…"

"What?" Jenny checked Vastra was able to stand, and then rushed to her father's side, "Father, you'll…"

"Nancy…be back…don't want…fight" he explained, unable to form a coherent sentence, "Good…bye"

Jenny wanted to place a hand on her dying father's hand, and almost considered it, her own palm hovering uncertainly in front of her, but the moment was lost by the rude interjection of her mother's shrill voice from the end of the road.

"THAT  _WHORE_?! IN  _MY_  HOUSE?!"

'Her voice always carried well' Jenny mused internally, 'Damn that washer woman' Jenny cursed silently, further proving Vastra's estimation of the hag to be correct.

"Come on" Jenny dropped her questioning hand to her side to turn for the door. Vastra quickly retrieved the now-defunct MURDER device and followed behind her, as fast as her weakened body could carry her.

Jenny turned back to look at her father as she moved into the kitchen, but it was impossible to make out the impression on his face, or whether or not he was even looking at her as she moved out of view.

The pair crashed out of the front door, just in time to hear Mrs Flint's voice, loud despite being on the other side of the street.

"GET OUT YOU TOM!" she wailed, "YOU AIN'T WELCOME, YOU'S NEVER WELCOME!"

Jenny grabbed Vastra's hand and started to walk away in the other direction, knowing her mother would never catch up with her physique. Jenny refused to look back at her mother.

"THAT'S IT, TAKE YOUR FINE CLOTHES AND GET OUT! YOU AIN'T NO DAUGHTER OF MINE. YOU'RE JUST AN ANIMAL!"

"Don't say anything" Jenny murmured to Vastra, and Silurian surprising obeyed, perhaps aware she had tried Jenny's patience enough this tense day.

"SHAME! FILTH!"

Her mother's words hit hot and burning like coals flung at her bare, exposed flesh, but Jenny if Jenny could only remember her father's acceptance…

But he would be dead in mere hours.

"GOD WILL JUDGE YOU!" the voice rang out, even as it faded from distance.

This was the last of her biological family she had left; screaming at her in streets of abject rejection.

* * *

It had been six hours now.

Even Jenny was surprised by the restraint her wife was showing in not charging down the door and insisting that the distraught human speak to her. It appeared that on this occasion, the Silurian felt overwhelmed or unsure of how to handle her. Jenny imagined that Vastra was distracting herself with tinkering with that fell device that had now been transferred into their possession. Vastra had assured her on the ride home that now the weapon was defunct, there was no restriction on their owning it. Jenny had been too dazed to form a response.

The young woman had since been holed up in their bedroom, beyond comfort, staring out of the window as if looking at it for long enough would somehow change what had happened. But the belligerent cycle of day and night had unflinchingly trampled through her delicate trance, and basking in its stolen light the moon had risen before her, muted behind a thick haze of pollution and clouds. Yet even as the sky shifted from one mood to another, her circumstances remained just as were, time moving forward and leaving her concerns behind to sink in the quagmire she had created.

Jenny had seamlessly traversed between a menagerie of emotional states over the space of six hours; pure grief, self-righteous anger, deep self-deprecation, and finally, hopelessness. She drank and ate nothing, simply keeping her vigil at the window; a solitary guardian of her despair.

The moon continued its own silent watch also, defiantly breaching its cloak of suffocating cloud to dare a few beams of light onto the murky streets below, carrying on as if the foundations of the young woman below who gazed up intently were not crumbling before her.

'It don't care' Jenny thought darkly, 'Who would?'

Caught suddenly by sheer nerve of the relentlessly bright moon, Jenny shouted out in wrathful frustration; an inhuman, raw, cry that shattered her blanket of calm. Breathing heavily and feeling a raking in her throat from the force of the action, Jenny threw herself up and continued to roar at the window, fists clenched and body armed to fight. Her rage still not satiated, Jenny cried out again – revelling in her wanton display of anger, feeling a catharsis in her ridiculous behaviour.

This, predictably, was enough to trigger the reaction she had anticipated sooner from her wife, who Jenny now heard tearing loudly up the stairs with an impressive haste. But that didn't prevent her from continuing her now rapturous, tearful wailing at the blameless celestial object; part of her was enjoying the release of the pressure, whilst the remainder of her felt only a tempting urge to completely shut down.

She only knew that Vastra had entered when she felt her body collapse into the two powerful arms that had half-restrained, half-embraced her, and drawn her tightly in to the Silurian's body. Jenny felt herself slide with gravity to the rug beneath her, and Vastra followed with her so that they ended up on their knees, Jenny surrendered into the hold of her wife.

After what seemed like a long time, Jenny felt her heart slowing to its usual rhythm, and the bristling of her skin relax as Vastra lulled her into calm. The Silurian had been talking to her, soothing her the entire time, but she had only just started to hear what she was saying.

"Sch, my dear, be still. I am here."

Jenny clenched at back of Vastra's dress and held on to her like she was the last piece of driftwood left in an ocean full of shipwrecks. Closing her eyes tightly, resisting the fiery tears that remained a persistent threat, Jenny allowed herself to be rescued from drowning, for Vastra to pull her up out of the water.

"You are safe"

There would be time to pour over the exact details of what had happened today; the meaning of this dreadful weapon's appearance, why it had been handed to her father, the damage it had done to Vastra…but that was not to be discussed now. Jenny would not usually allow herself to be so defenceless; but Vastra had a commanding presence that made her feel as if she was shielded enough to do so.

Jenny buried her head into Vastra's chest and heaved as each teardrop burned hot down her face, spotlighted by the persistent, borrowed light of the moon.

"I love you Jenny" Vastra spoke, and the deep vibrations of her sincere voice carried through Jenny's cheeks and deep into her heart's furthest edges, "I'm not going to leave" the Silurian added, as she gently rubbed the human's back.

"E'…forgave me" Jenny stuttered.

"The way your father felt at the end of his life will never change, and you will always have that knowledge" Vastra spoke matter-of-factly, "But there was nothing to forgive Jenny, I think he knew that. You can't think like that"

"I know" Jenny admitted.

"He simply loved you, even if he did not necessarily agree with you"

"E' was…a good man" Jenny felt a lump form in her throat as she spoke the words.

"Yes, he was" Vastra asserted, "Noble in his final hours, he gave me his knife to pass to you" Vastra added, "I have placed it somewhere secure until you are ready"

Having a small piece of her father's history left was a meaningful comfort to Jenny. She felt oddly warmed by the possession of this ancestral weapon, despite the part it had had in the day's calamitous events,

"You…were hurt" Jenny drew back and looked at Vastra, remembering the pain her wife has endured, reeling at the thought of Vastra's physical torture at the whim of the MURDER device, "You didn't 'ave to-"

"It is done, there was no alternative" Vastra interrupted.

"I could've…"

" _No_ " Vastra held tighter onto the human, as if stopping her from performing this hypothetical action, "No" she repeated.

Jenny found she had no more energy for talking and could speak no longer, and so slunk back into the inviting body which held her so carefully, and allowed each tear to drain out of her. This was a conversation that would have to be postponed, but she wasn't going to let Vastra brush off the sacrifice she had made so freely. Jenny dreaded to think what effect it could have had on the almost foolishly brave Vastra, but it was a weight that she did not have the strength to be burdened with in her current state.

Jenny couldn't later tell at what point she moved from the floor to the bed, or how she ended up laying in Vastra's arms, drifting into an exhausted sleep. But what she could remember was the same phrase, spoken over and over again as her riotous mind dispersed and sundered its weapons to succumb to sleep.

"I'm yours…and I will  _never_ let anyone hurt you like that again"

"I'm yours…"

"Yours…"


	11. At Least Out Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vastra faces up to her feelings for Jenny after their initial attraction, with some help from the Eleventh Doctor.

**_London - 1888_ **

It had been an uneventful day, solely uneventful; Vastra might even have dared to call it boring. She had gone three solid days without a hint of a compelling case; the best anyone seemed to be able to manage for her was some superstitious nonsense down at the docks. Vastra refused to demean herself by wasting her time on every little human whimsy. The only trouble was that without a case to distract herself with, Vastra was left entirely at the mercy of her own thoughts.

Several months had passed since Vastra and the Doctor had jointly rescued a destitute Jenny from her grim fate at the unforgiving hands of the streets of London. Vastra could barely believe how much had changed since the day she had dragged the young woman out of the alleyway and into the TARDIS. Now, walking down a vibrant street market, with its gregarious sellers and varied, well-adorned stalls of food produce with no real intention than to occupy her time, Vastra could not help but return to her new favourite pastime: fretting over the status of her new relationship with Jenny.

Vastra was not much of a " _feelings_ " lizard, it had to be admitted. Just entering into her courtship with Jenny had been laboriously difficult to muster the courage to achieve, and Jenny had ultimately been the one to push the tension over the edge. The first time they had shared a bed it had been Jenny that had knocked on Vastra's door and initiated the conversation that led to that unforgettable event…

_Jenny had pushed Vastra into the wall following just the smallest amount of encouragement from her Silurian object of affection. Vastra had been briefly taken aback, which had switched to arousal in a violent jerk of adrenaline. The determined mammal had wrapped her warm limbs around Vastra with such purpose that Vastra would have been slightly afraid if she wasn't enjoying it so much. When they had kissed, the passion had been insatiable. The feeling was addictive as the human's thicker, shorter tongue bumped against the sides of her lips, skated of the top of her own retracted, forked one._

' _Taking clothes off' quickly morphed to 'tearing', and then 'ripping', and then suddenly Vastra found herself pushed down to the floor onto her back; they hadn't even made it to the bed . Vastra caught herself marvelling that she had been so mistaken in estimating Jenny's romantic intentions to be a lot tamer than they were manifesting in this moment; but quickly decided this was most advantageous._

' _The warmth and softness of her naked form is…incredible'. Vastra thought as they moved against each other seemingly in sync, neither quite having experienced this before, yet both somehow instinctively knowing what to do next. They occupied an exclusive flow, as if they were dancing together, alone in a deserted ballroom, to a music that only they could hear. Vastra discovered she was in a position she was not used to: complete vulnerability; and she surprisingly desired no mercy from it._

_Euphoria had hit Vastra like a speeding horse, trampling her and dashing the breath from her lungs, yet she only wanted more. She had picked the woman up and carried her to the bed, ready to return the favour, and regain a sense of control over her scrambled emotional state._

_But even taking command of the now expectantly awaiting human, letting her long tongue rein free into undiscovered corners, did not erase the feeling of exposure, or make her feel any less sensitive or touched. A deep vein had been breached, and something had been irrevocably changed. As Jenny reached the height of her own personal ecstasy, Vastra felt the ripples within herself, like an undisturbed lake that a pebble had been cast into, after being hidden for many forgotten years._

Vastra felt a jolt of amorous hormones at the memory, and found she had half-blindly walked at least one hundred metres without acknowledging any of her surroundings. Scenes like that which she had just recalled had become increasingly frequent between them, something Vastra approved of very highly.

But it was more than some animal, physical lust that drove their joint affections -  _that_  she had become more aware of as the relationship had progressed. The changes Vastra was experiencing managed to be both gradual and yet profound at the same time. If she didn't think about it for a week or so, she found that when she revisited her feelings over their situation, they had evolved onto another plain without her consciously realising.

It was the sheer momentum of that thing that she found difficult to control, she thought to herself as she vaguely cast her eyes over the various stalls and merchants that surrounded her periphery. But Vastra's attention to all these conflicting stimuli was, at best, cursory. Her blood seemed to pulse with a confusing energy, a tight, urgent contraction of her nerves. This…attachment she felt was almost debilitating. It reminded her of the connection one had to family, only with a certain  _essence_  the other one lacked. That she regarded Jenny as  _family_  was telling enough, and this thought caught her so off-guard that she stopped in her tracks quite suddenly.

_When had that happened?!_

This change in status has wheedled its way into her acceptance so slyly that she could not accurately date its happening. That was the second time she had noticed herself losing focus like that in one day. It disconcerted her that these perceptual shifts were barging in like uninvited guests, refusing to leave after they had stayed their welcome. But could she honestly say it was wholly uninvited, or unwelcome? Or was it simply unfamiliar? The distinctions felt so blurred that her entire life now seemed to be comprised of grey areas and patches of shadowy doubt.

Revellers pushed past her in confusing, rushed certainly, inbound to their destinations; hurried mothers with children bunched around their ankles, labourers with their rugged arms and determined brows, beggars desperate for coins, reams and reams of seemingly endless people. As Vastra stood there, a strong, silent beacon in a sea of intense life, all she longed for was it all to come to a gradual standstill, and for her to have time to appraise her emotions. She wished she had someone as a sounding-board, but it was only Jenny who she had in this small, over-packed city. There was no question of talking to Jenny about this, because to do so would be to forfeit her defence, to admit…

' _Surely not'_  Vastra felt a reverberation of panic engulf the entire surface area of her body, ' _It couldn't be'_

"Hey, watch it lady!"

Vastra was buffeted to the side as a burly man pushed past her, brandishing a heavy-looking crate in his raw, weather-beaten arms. Vastra cleared her throat self-consciously and took quick steps to keep her footing. This was hopeless, she thought, as she scuttled surreptitiously to the side. Ridiculously, all she needed was someone to talk to, other than the person she wanted to talk about, and Vastra  _never_  wanted to talk about her feelings with  _anyone_. It was so out of character, and yet even the strongest person would cry for help out of desperation, she thought, if they were floundering in a mire of their own problems.

Leaning back against the rough edge of a nearby brick wall, she consigned herself to bleakness for a moment, building the will to turn back at return to Paternoster Row to face a barrage of strong desires. The urge to confess was growing, but what exactly it was that she wanted to confess was not that simple. Could it be that the final boundary was about to be over-stepped? Could it be...

"Don't touch that cat!"

Vastra threw herself off the wall faster than if it had spontaneously caught fire, just in time to see a scraggly-looking moggy sprint round the corner from a back street, and dart in and out of the stalls, disappearing out of sight. It was hard to tell if the cat was actually brown or just thick with filth. Caressing her chest above her rapid heart, Vastra caught her breath and bent a reluctant head around the corner, to see who had cried out so suddenly.

Almost simultaneously, the deceptively young-looking, thin face that she distinctly remembered looked round from the opposite direction, their foreheads almost colliding and the movement rustling Vastra's trademark veil. Vastra gasped; she wasn't sure her heart could take so many surprises in one day. The man opposite her responded by almost screaming as he jumped back in a way that Vastra would almost describe as… _comical_.

"Argh! Oh Vastra…it's you…" the Doctor exclaimed breathlessly, looking very dazed, "Did you see a cat go past?"

"Yes…" Vastra replied , coming to her senses, "Yes, just now" she regarded the thin, gangly man in front of her, "Is it dangerous?!" she added, absurdly, but when the Doctor was involved, even a small feline could be a lot more than it seemed.

"No…" the Doctor hung his head sheepishly, "No I…I mistook it for an alien life form" he admitted, fumbling his lean hands nervously, "But I think that one was just a cat"

"It is easily done" Vastra chimed sarcastically.

The Doctor peered round the corner into the busy marketplace, but the cat was no longer visible.

"I wanted to apologise" he mumbled regretfully.

Vastra sighed hopelessly, her face morphing into a mildly disappointed frown. It was hard to believe that this was the same man who had saved her life twice already.

"You know…" he loped a friendly arm around Vastra's stiff shoulders, "I once had an encounter with a talking cat…grey thing, little bit mischievous…frightful mess with a painting and a lighthouse…the cat was very brave in the end…" the Doctor trailed off whimsically, walking Vastra away from the marketplace until the noise lessened enough for them to talk. He seemed to become more serious was they took each additional step, as if descending deeper into a stairwell of thought, "So Vastra, how long has it been since we last saw each other?"

"Wait..." Vastra spoke, "How did you recognise me?"

"Come on now Vastra" the Doctor cocked his head knowingly, "That veil is fooling nobody, so, time?"

"A few months I suppose Doctor?" Vastra thought back, trying to calculate the time that had passed. When she had first been awakened she hadn't kept track of time at all (never mind getting used to the ape's system of time calculation), and it was only since her relationship with Jenny had begun to assert itself that Vasttra had taken more care over the recording and dating of her personal affairs. It made it easier to try and mark all the changes that were happening to her. Work was another matter entirely; with that she was always meticulous, always accurate.

"And what year?" the Doctor asked.

"1888" Vastra clarified.

"Good, seems are timelines are in sync" the Doctor smiled boyishly, "No nasty surprises, eh?" he patted her on the back in a show of camaraderie, "So" the Doctor came to a stop in a relatively quiet area of a residential street, just outside a small alleyway, "How has it been?!" he grinned, gripping Vastra by the deltoids enthusiastically.

Vastra was struck by the suspicion that all this nonsense with the cat was just an elaborate ruse to check up on her without admitting it. She wasn't totally opposed to that though; making the visit seem casual allowed her to keep her fierce pride intact.

"I…took your advice Doctor, in many regards" she smiled, in an uncharacteristic show of shyness, "Myself and the girl get along quite well for ourselves"

"She stayed with you?" the Doctor could not hide just how impressed he was, his eyes beaming with delight, "Oh Vastra how wonderful! Human and Silurian working together, for the good of Earth!" he span around wildly, "All in  _Victorian England!"_  he shouted to the rooftops, gaining a few sceptical looks from the odd passers-by that encountered them. Catching his breath back, he returned to slap Vastra on the back heartily, a habit Vastra hoped he would 'grow out of', so to speak. Once she had recovered, Vastra could only watch his reaction in astonishment as he continued to  _jig around._

"Peace…" he breathed, "Peace in our time…oh wait no, that was Chamberlain…hasn't happened yet!"

"Doctor!" Vastra cried out, desperate to ground his mad rambling before someone tried to detain him, or he accidentally gave away the next few decades of human history.

"Yes…yes sorry… _spoilers_ " he creased his brow, becoming introverted, "Causing…a bit of a scene aren't I? Yes…tell me, the girl, Jenny was it?"

"Yes" Vastra agreed, holding back the usual flush and radiance that would usually envelop her with the mention of that name.

"You are…" he turned his head a bit, almost slightly hunched over as he thought hard, "Friends, would you say?" he asked innocently, almost hopefully.

"Why do you ask?" Vastra hurriedly responded, jumping back a bit guiltily, "What is wrong with that?" she added.

Vastra could have slapped herself. She may as well have told him outright, for what it was worth. Her response was far too defensive for such a well-meaning question! Attempting to recover, Vastra started to blabber uncontrollably.

"I apologise…yes! Of course, we are great friends, platonically speaking…" she laughed nervously, "Why wouldn't we be?!" she planted her hands firmly on her hips in a terribly artificial movement, "Good one Doctor, very funny!"

"It wasn't a joke" he squinted worriedly, "What is going on?" the Doctor raised his eyebrows, walking back to where Vastra stood awkwardly, "Don't tell me you've…"

"Oh what is the use?!" Vastra flopped miserably, "I'm a hopeless liar"

"So you're not friends?!" the Doctor asked confused, "You don't even know what I was going to say" the Doctor used a long finger to lift Vastra's chin and look into her fear-frozen eyes, "Vastra, have you fought?"

The Silurian shook her head earnestly.

"Then what do you mean? You haven't  _eaten_  her have you?" he asked, half-jokingly.

' _Not in the way you're thinking'_  Vastra though involuntarily, happy she had not blurted it out loud. If the Doctor was in a perceptive mood she suspected he might notice the dilation in her eyes, or mark her unreasonable skittishness at such a question.

"No" Vastra crossed her arms back and forth in front of her in a dissenting motion, "No, absolutely not"

"Good" the Doctor narrowed his eyes harder, "Then…"

In an instant, Vastra could see he had worked it out. His eyes popped open like a picked lock and the happy expression that covered his face could have stretched from one side of London to the other.

" _Oh…oh_  tell me it is true Vastra!" the Doctor pleaded excitedly, his mouth forming a definite "O" shape.

Now that the moment of confession Vastra has been wishing for had presented itself, Vastra was no longer so keen to divulge her feelings. It was as if she had been walking in a maze for hours looking for an exit, only to discover that it led to another maze. A small instinctual urge within her gut told her to trust this man, yet it fought against a lifetime of being guarded and private (especially with other species). But her choices, alas, were limited, and as much as it made her squirm to think of it, talking to the Doctor could actually help her. He was, after all, the only other person who had shown her kindness in this dark age.

Vastra begrudgingly gave a miniscule nod of agreement.

"We are…" and despite her misgivings, Vastra could not stop herself from breaking into a warm, genuine smile, " _Close"_  she sighed in a faraway manner, disgusting herself thoroughly. She half-expected herself to start batting her eyelids at this rate.

"Oh…" the Doctor writhed happily as if he was cooing over a litter of new born kittens, "Oh that's just wonderful!" he brazenly grabbed Vastra's face and planted a firm kiss on her cheek, "This is more than I could have hoped for! A Silurian, in love with a human!" he pulled Vastra in for a suffocating hug.

"Love?" Vastra managed through the painful compression in her chest, "Doctor, I didn't say…"

"You don't need to " the Doctor laughed, finally relinquishing his vice-like hold on Vastra, to her relief, "It's obvious Vastra" he breathed excitedly, "Just…just  _look_  at you" he finished, spreading a palm at her.

A resounding thud of defeat echoed in her ears; now it had been voiced so plainly, Vastra could no longer deny that the sentiment was indeed true. It was liberating to finally give in and admit it; she was in love with Jenny, hopelessly so! Even the Doctor, a man who barely knew her, could see through her pathetic attempts to disguise it.

"I…" she collected all the strength she had left, "I know"

To say the admittance out loud made Vastra feel a strange combination of airy light-headedness, coupled with a heavy, burdening feeling in her inner organs.

"Then, what is the problem?" the Doctor enquired, noticing Vastra's downtrodden look.

"Love is wonderful, is it not Doctor?" Vastra gazed hazily at the London skyline, "Wonderful for those who are blessed with the certainty of reciprocation"

"And you are not?" the Doctor pulled a thoughtful expression, "What makes you say that?"

"How can I be sure, Doctor, that I am not some fanciful lark of hers?"

"You've picked up some of her dialect…" the Doctor smirked in wonderment.

"Hah…" Vastra laughed hollowly, "So it would appear" she added, in her more characteristically well-spoken tone.

"Vastra, if she was going to  _fool around_  with someone, she could have picked a much easier target. She's going out of her way to not only date a  _woman_  in a time that doesn't accept it, but a woman of another  _species_!"

Vastra had to concede that the Doctor was right; Jenny could have sought out any  _Tom_  to experiment with, as she had done before the two of them had met.

"How do you feel when you are around her?" the Doctor asked kindly.

Vastra contemplated the question for a moment, and found it was harder to answer than she first anticipated. Not because she didn't have anything to say; far from it, she had  _too much_ to say. The emotions were reluctant to be summarised, boxed, or labelled as simply one thing, one description. She had never felt so deeply about a single being before. The only thing that has come close was the feeling she had about her race and her departed sisters. But even that was incredibly different, and certainly not  _romantic_. Attraction was no stranger to Vastra; she has lusted after others during her lifetime, enjoyed the pleasures that desire could bring, but had never wanted a bond mate or partner for  _life_.

_But now…_

How to explain all the warmth, safety, and affection Jenny imbued in her? The glow from her breast to the back of her throat when the human entered the room? The rage that fired in her belly if anyone  _dared_  to threaten Jenny's safety?

When Vastra was alone, before they had met, she had felt as if she belonged nowhere. Her Silurian home was lost long ago, and her… abode in Victorian London may as well have been an open prison. Wandering and restless, she had stalked the streets like a vengeful vigilante, with no real purpose until…Jenny had appeared.

Now she didn't think of London as her 'abode' anymore, she thought of it as…

"Home" Vastra stated plainly, after a thoughtful pause.

"Well then" the Doctor turned to walk down the alley they had been stood outside, "You are speaking to the wrong person!"

"No!" Vastra snapped out of her trance into a panic, "Doctor, wait"

"Schh…" the Doctor skipped back to place a finger on the affronted Silurian's lips, earning him a low growl, "You've nothing more to say to me"

"But…"

"You need to speak to her. She is the only one who can answer your question"

The Silurian's mouth clamped shut reluctantly, but knowing it was her only option. She was a brave, fearless warrior, why did this matter turn her into such a whelp? She felt naïve as a hatchling!

"Vastra" the Doctor pulled the unwilling reptile into another over-friendly hug and kissed the opposite cheek he had from earlier, "To even it out" he smiled, "Good luck" he whispered warmly into her ear.

Vastra closed her eyes emotionally and felt him disengage.

"Thank you" she trembled back.

But when her eyes opened, he was gone, and she knew not if he had heard her gratitude.


	12. Affinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is based on the book Silhouette by Justin Richards - a D/W novel involving Vastra/Jenny ...but their relationship is neglected so I decided to write my own chapter :P
> 
> Might be worth casting your eye over the book description, but if not I've included enough info to give context I think...enjoy! :

_**The house of Mr Orestes Milton – London** _

"I am a fool"

Jenny looked over to her wife, whose head was slumped so dramatically it gave the illusion that she was unconscious.

"No you ain't" Jenny sighed, "Y'er only…" the young woman managed to stop herself before she automatically said 'human', " _Silurian_ " she finished.

"Well  _exactly_ " Vastra chuckled in an empty, cynical tone, "That's just it…I am  _the_  only Silurian" she trailed off.

Jenny looked over to her wife expectantly, but Vastra was refusing to budge from her depressed position on the floor, content to avoid the searching gaze of her human counterpart.

"Y'er no more of a fool than me" Jenny suggested banefully, "I fell for 'is trick too"

"But it is far less fantastic to believe that you have made a human friend who happens to share your interests" Jenny could practically hear Vastra grimacing as she spoke, "Compared to believing that another of your kind had simply  _appeared_ , without any prior warning, and you had not noticed" Vastra's pained laugh made an unwelcome return, "To think, I did not question him once!"

"And why would yeh?"

"Because it was too convenient" Vastra spat, "Too obvious. To think another of my kind would not have sought me out by now, called to me, made enough of a scene to attract my attentions…it is too fantastic. If I had slowed down for a moment, made some rudimentary checks…"

"'Indsight ain't gonna 'elp you" Jenny sighed impatiently, "We're stuck 'ere now"

"Yes" Vastra agreed.

Jenny inwardly berated herself for losing her temper with Vastra, she had an inkling she was making her wife feel worse.

The had been sat inside a trap formed of bars of enclosing light now for several minutes, both of them feeling rather sheepish, and wondering how their collective spate of naivety had brought them there.

The pair had been assisting the Doctor and Clara, albeit in separate capacities, in the investigation of the strange events surrounding the Carnival of Curiosities and the murder of a Mr Marlowe Hapworth, both using their separate skill sets to variable uses. Strax in the meantime had been following up yet another murder of his drinking friend Rick Bellamy, and all the cases had unusually cascaded together, with all the murders and mysteries linking back to the same man: Orestes Milton. Orestes Milton was a strange figure, somehow implicated in all these events, in control of the proceedings, but for what grand reason, nobody had yet established. So far he had been implicated in two murders, and appeared to be involved in some form of genetic alteration; as he had three bizarre minions who were all mutated by some dreadful science, and who had jointly led the party into this trap.

Vastra and Jenny had not spent as much time together over the course of the investigation; which wasn't all that uncommon. Equally so, that had not had each other to bounce their concerns off of, and Jenny half-suspected that this had contributed to their willing acceptance of the guises of a man known as Affinity. Affinity was the name of one of Orestes Milton's human experiments; a man who had been mutated to have no true face, only a face and accompanying persona that resonated with the person who he targeted his attentions towards, creating a mirror image of the deepest personality traits of his targets.

For Jenny, the changeable Affinity this had materialised as a likeable, easy-going, young man called "Jimmy" but for Vastra it had been far more personal.

_Festin_ ; Affinity had masqueraded as a lost Silurian, purporting to have believed he was the sole survivor of their disastrous hibernation just as Vastra thought she had been. Disbelief had given way to euphoric relief in the time it took to recognise a friendly face of your own species. Vastra remembered the conflict with Lady Basildon-Stone at Crystal Palace, and that wretched woman's confession of the torture and murder of a discovered Silurian scientist. Vastra had taken that news hard at the time, but it had almost been merciful that she had never met this unnamed Silurian, it made the loss seem less palpable. This time was different; she had met (what she believed to be) a real, ancient Silurian; she didn't have to imagine him, she had seen and spoken to him, and this made the grief of him being an illusion all the more devastating.

The sheer joy and relief Vastra had felt at meeting this character had made her giddy, suggestible, and vulnerable to the allure of the improbable. If 'Festin' was real, that implied that other Silurians might well have survived; perhaps a small colony, or just scattered individuals. In moments Vastra had been drawing up potential networks in her head, ways to share information and knowledge, inroads to restore their culture and treasure what they could salvage. Perhaps she could form an alliance with this 'Festin', she had thought, they could work together to patch up the remains of the Silurian race into something useful, have meetings, discuss intellectual topics together – the possibilities had seemed to have no end.

Her imagination had jumped several steps at a time as she had accompanied the amiable 'Festin' to Orestes' temporary home, all the time marvelling that such a polite and clever Silurian would have escaped her attention all these years, and rejoicing in the presence of a new friend. Vastra hadn't felt this same sense of unexpected delight since her romance with Jenny had miraculously developed despite all the logical reasons as to why it should have failed. She had hoped he would understand her relationship with the human, and accepted that she did not want for a Silurian partner. But he seemed to have such a good nature, she couldn't have imagined that he would form an objection; he had been living in human society himself presumably, the merit of these mammals cannot have escaped his notice entirely.

Right up to the crucial moment where the cruel trick was revealed, she still had not uncovered Affinity's (now she thought about it) transparent deception, she had not caught all of the inconsistencies that marked this happening as highly unlikely. Vastra hadn't questioned how a Silurian like him had come to reside with humans so peacefully, even considering the fact he remained disguised. Her own transformation was due entirely to the intervention of the Doctor, and the love and bond that had grown with her wife. Without these two crucial influences, she would have torn through London until someone forcibly took her down. How did he become so versed in human culture? How had he not come to hear of her,  _The Great Detective_? Yes her identity was concealed as best as she could manage, but it had certainly leaked out from time to time; if you were  _looking_  for other Silurians, the lines of enquiry would have inevitably led back to her.

Inevitably, Festin's base identity was revealed after Vastra had walked willingly into the openly displayed trap that laid before her. She felt as if she has turned the key in the lock to her own cage. But it was not a cage, but a force-field of some description, and as a last insult she had managed to lure Jenny into the containment area as well when the young woman had come searching for her. Vastra had been certain there was very little she could do to make the dire situation any worse than she already had, but now she had apparently also stirred her wife's legendary tongue to sharpness by feeling sorry for herself.

The Doctor and Clara had left the pair sitting on the floor whilst they were ushered into another room to speak with Orestes and another of his cruel experiments – Silhouette.

For now, Vastra was forced to be helpless; which she hated, and forced to deal with her wife's irritation…which she hated.

The miserable Silurian quickly decided that avoiding attracting any further attention and staying silent was the wisest plan of attack, and so hung her head in the perfect display of despair. This, paradoxically, was exactly the sort of action which would catch her wife's eye, and so Vastra found her young wife very quickly softening to her situation.

"At least yer ok" Jenny smiled encouragingly, her eyes misty, "When I saw yeh at the circus…in the Never-Creatures exhibition…"

"I should never have displayed myself so publicly" Vastra admittedly regretfully, "It only gave them room to manipulate my sensibilities"

"I'm sure they would've found out anyway" Jenny forwarded soothingly.

"Perhaps" Vastra conceded.

"It were a cruel trick to play love…" Jenny gazed at her wife sympathetically, "'Eartless if yeh ask me"

They fell silent for a moment, while Vastra composed herself for a reply. She wasn't sure if she preferred enduring Jenny's irascible silence or being coerced into talking about her… _emotions_. She could almost feel Jenny expectantly waiting for some sort of declaration of feeling, a sudden outburst, an explanation, a breakdown…why were humans so determined to be so  _demonstrative_  with their inner machinations? Even ignoring the obvious fact that she didn't want Jenny trapped in the first place, Vastra could have done with the solitude in order to have the time to wrangle and herd her reaction into a deep recess of her awareness, where it could sit and fester for all eternity for all she cared – consequences be damned! She knew it was an unhealthy coping mechanism, but the only other 'option' was to reveal signs of weakness and frailty in her character.

She was not a hatchling; she had the mental constitution to rein in any unnecessary sensitivities. The only true exceptions had been the death of her sisters, and the repeated death(s) of her wife; then her veneer of control had been shattered. But she would not sunder it for anything smaller.

"It was  _clever_ " Vastra corrected, "It worked precisely as designed"

"But it 'urt yeh" Jenny placed a comforting hand on Vastra's fallen shoulder, "Vastra, yer far too bloody-minded to admit it, but you ain't just angry at yerself…"

"Must I?" Vastra looked up, desperately willing Jenny to stop talking so reasonably.

Jenny raised a warning eyebrow at the Silurian, almost daring Vastra to try her wife's patience in such an enclosed space. It seemed she did not have a choice but to  _'deal with'_ what had happened.

" _Ok!_ " Vastra rolled her eyes, exasperated, "Yes I am… _disappointed_ " she phrased deliberately, trying to keep her language as neutral as possible.

Jenny's brow strained so dramatically upwards that Vastra feared Jenny may tear the skin from her own forehead if she was not careful. Clearly, that had not been the desired answer.

"What do you want me to  _pronounce,_  darling?" Vastra carried on accusatorily.

Jenny predictably was wise enough to Vastra's moods to avoid an open invitation to start a verbal brawl with her wife, and so resorted to dogged silence until Vastra finally relented to the sheer pressure of the enclosed situation. With a monumental outburst of air, Vastra surrendered to her wife's gaze.

"I wanted it to be true; I haven't desired anything so greatly since…" Vastra made a sheepish smile at Jenny, receiving a glad acknowledgement through the easing of the tension in the human's eyes, "There were so many opportunities…chances that…" Vastra trailed off, feeling foolish for repeating the mistakes her imagination had led to, "More had survived" she concluded, simply.

Vastra could still remember the towering mountain of self-hatred she had climbed slowly since her awakening in London, how sheer its slopes had once appeared, and just how far she had managed to rise above the impossible face as it veered before her. She had thought herself immune to human society's rejection, but even the gentle lap of the tide could erode a great cliff face given enough time. With Jenny and Strax, or the Doctor and Clara, she was shielded from the remnants of her lingering feeling of isolation.

Yet with this harsh reminder that she was indeed, a lone Silurian, she felt herself slipping down to the base of the great mountain once again.

"I am forever grateful that I have you, my love, and all our friends" Vastra clarified, not wanting to imply anything other than that, "But to have a contemporary of my own species, someone who could understand things that you had to  _be there_  to experience" Vastra closed her eyes wistfully, "It is too much to have expected…" she trailed off, desolately.

The firm grip of the human hand on her shoulder grounded her once more, and she opened her eyes to see the wide, shimmering care reflecting on the surface of the human who watched her.

"No it ain't…" Jenny raised a free hand to stroke Vastra's cheek, bringing herself in front of her wife on her knees, and the Silurian leant her jaw into the welcome gesture, "Didn't I make up my own imaginary friend too?" Jenny laughed self-effacingly, off to the side, "To think someone from my own time wouldn't judge me for…" Jenny bit her lip, obviously trying not to steal Vastra's conversation away from her.

" _Preferences in companionship?"_  Vastra chimed, repeating the explanation they had given to Strax all those years ago in Demon's Run, raising a green, scaled hand to cover Jenny's own. The human leant in and gently kissed the Vastra on the lips, with a softness of touch that was tantalisingly promising. Vastra hissed in mock disappointment as Jenny withdrew.

"I forget the ridiculous rules of your antiquated society harm you as much as me" Vastra admitted. In answer, Jenny shifted round to sit next to the Silurian's place on the floor, and leant fondly into the soft space between her right shoulder and breast.

"I made my choice" Jenny declared resolutely, "You were forced" she added, absentmindedly stroking Vastra's thigh, further fuelling the Silurian's now rising need for privacy between them.

"I know my grasp of human biology is not perfect, but I don't think it was something you had any conscious control over" Vastra murmured, bending her head round to kiss Jenny on the forehead, "And nothing forced me to take you in, or civilise myself" Vastra caught hold of Jenny's slender fingers that were currently running up and down her thigh and toyed with them between her own, "Things are never wholly that simple, least of all when it comes to the heart"

"Then…" Jenny hummed in wonderment, "Where does that leave us?"

"Why, utterly trapped my dear" Vastra declared grandly, her humour returning.

"I can see that!" Jenny replied sarcastically, slapping Vastra playfully on the arm and letting her gaze motion towards their enclosure.

"I didn't just mean it in the literal sense" Vastra cupped the underbelly of Jenny's chin in her arm and pulled the human's gaze so she was looking up at the Silurian into her seductively warm, azure eyes, "Some  _restraints_  are most welcome" she grinned, revelling in the double-entendre.

"So I tie you down do I?" Jenny tittered, amused and teasing Vastra mercilessly.

"In only the best of ways my dear" Vastra reassured her, holding the young woman a fraction closer.

Just like that, Vastra felt herself ascending and overcoming the mountain of her own doubt once more, knowing that she was not alone in her struggle, and that the soft, warm hand of her lover was always there to pick her up.

So long as she would always return the favour.


	13. Reliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on the lovely little story The Devil in The Smoke by Justin Richards. I recommend you all give it a read :)
> 
> There isn't enough Strax love out there. He might be a comic character but he's also brave and an essential member of the gang.

_**London - 1892** _

It had been a very long day - that certainly was no mystery.

As Madame Vastra ascended the seemingly endless wooden staircase to her bedroom, she became acutely aware of both the ache in her reptilian legs and the lingering chill in her blood. Too much snow,  _'Rotten stuff'_ , she thought. The evening had been overwrought with close calls: the smoke encircling her wife's ankles, the almost undefeatable fog people, the glass of Crystal Palace raining down relentlessly onto her and Jenny's heads…and throughout all this Vastra had been forced to keep a strong countenance for everyone, especially the young pup 'Harry' who had tagged along. She was truly glad Jenny had found the youngling reasonable employment on the close of their adventures, rather than Strax sending the boy to his doom or setting the youngling back onto the unforgiving London streets. But clearly, her emotions could not take any further taxing.

That is why she had decided to retire to solitude, despite the fact she really needed to warm up, the fire downstairs was burning brightly, and the tea Jenny has made was exceptionally tasty. Madame Vastra had left Jenny and Strax to settle the particulars of young Harrys' departure and employment, and thus found herself struggling up to the top floor of the house. She had to admit, it was not one of her finest plans.

As her bare hand slid over the polished bannister, Vastra tried to expel the cacophony of noise assailing her between the eyes accompanying the blinding headache that the onslaught of snow through the roof of Crystal Palace had generously bestowed her. She couldn't shake the notion that she was  _'Getting too old for this'_  as human dialect would most likely phrase it. When she had first awoken in the soil of London's budding Underground, it had seemed as if the millions of years would never catch up to her, but that was when she had been alone, less responsible, and without the burden of temperance. Having a group of friends and a lover to look out for full time was exhausting, not to mention the temporary people they would adopt on the side from time to time. Vastra hissed at herself and snapped out her forked tongue, making the candle in her free hand flicker; how dare she think negatively of her precious family! She loved them both (in very different ways, obviously), but love, in all its forms, was costly, that was assured.

Vastra took one more step and lurched clumsily, almost falling face first and dropping the candle. She steadied herself on the bannister and cleared her throat self-consciously. A quick glance around the deserted, dark landing confirmed no-one else had witnessed her blunder. She had been so deep in thought she hadn't realised she had reached the top of the staircase and had overstepped in anticipation of a further incline. Giving herself a few minutes to allow that sweet adrenaline to filter out of her bloodstream she finally padded wearily over to the bedroom door.

* * *

Jenny Flint heard a dull thud carry softly through the ceiling above her, almost too slight to notice (but not to her keen ears), and immediately knew something was amiss. Vastra was being uncharacteristically careless, which meant that she was distracted. Unless it was Jenny herself doing the distracting, this was usually an indication of something negative brewing in her lady's (very intelligent) brain.

Jenny rolled her eyes, wondering when she would finally do that so many times that she would be stuck looking towards the sky for the rest of her life. Her wife could be so stubborn for a genius, but perhaps that just came as part of it.

Why Vastra would not just admit that she was tired was a greater unknown to Jenny than all of the questions that the fog people had raised put together. Jenny took a deep sip of the same tea that Vastra had abandoned to skulk off; it was rather extreme of the Silurian to forsake her favourite beverage, she noted. Then again, after the adventures they had, Vastra could be excused her eccentricities. After all, it was not commonplace to deal with a body falling out of a snowman, a shape shifting fog creature, a late-night carriage chase, and making a last stand in the iconic Crystal Palace all in one day. However, the activities of any of the residents of Paternoster Row were seldom  _ordinary_ , let alone the proud reptilian woman who was busy tripping up her own staircase.

" _Humans are from Earth and Silurians are from…Earth"_ she murmured under her breath, Jenny laughed silently to herself at her oxymoronic thought;  _she_  could hardly fault Vastra for being stubborn after all. Perhaps their outwards appearance masked the bizarre fact that they were more similar than either of them would probably admit.

Jenny placed down the empty teacup and slapped her hands together decisively; being married couldn't all be sex and adventures after all. Sometimes it was coaxing the details out of an ancient lizard woman with the countenance of a recalcitrant child. But before she could even consider that, she had to make sure that Strax didn't drag the young Harry into the Sontaran Army.

"Now young warrior" Strax commanded to the seated young boy, who looked as if he could not decide whether to be amused or frightened, "I did not take you for a cowardly whelp!" the Sontaran gave the lad a friendly punch on the shoulder, which from Harry's reaction looked as if it had almost knocked the joint out of place, "Surely you don't want to live in mammalian mediocrity? Don't let these vile fornicators turn you… _soft_ " Strax turned back to scowl at the disbelieving Jenny, who looked on wide-eyed and disapprovingly.

"Forni-what?" Harry chimed, cocking his head in an action that resembled a confused puppy.

"That's quite enough!" Jenny sprung up, striding over to cuff Strax over his domed head, to little effect given just how reinforced his forehead was (it had ploughed through a wall earlier in the evening), "Strax, you'll take Harry to Mary's house. Not-" Jenny raised a pointed finger to cut off the argument that was forming on Strax's lips, "To any  _spaceships_ ,  _armies_ , or otherwise  _dangerous_  activities" she rolled off, raising an additional finger for each forbidden destination.

"What about-" Strax begun.

"No" Jenny frowned.

"Or…"

"No to all your flippin' suggestions!" Jenny snapped, not appreciating the delay this was imposing on her plan to check up on Vastra, "Now wait right here" Jenny gestured towards the ground tersely, "While I go write a damned letter to explain everythin'" Jenny eyed Strax suspiciously before deciding to add "And that's an  _order_ "

"I shall remain rooted to this very spot" Strax replied obediently, standing to attention seriously.

Jenny covered her face in her hands in frustration, and then walked off without saying another word, leaving Strax to stand stiffly in place in the middle of the sitting room, while the confused young boy watched on, unsure of what half the things they were talking about meant, but grateful nonetheless to be anywhere but the workhouse or out in the snow.

Jenny returned moments later with two separate pieces of paper that looked as if they had been hurriedly cobbled together, with writing that looked closer to some sort of Arabic code than the traditional English alphabet.

"Here" she motioned to Strax, holding out the two notes in separate hands, "One for the address" She waggled her left hand, "And one for Mary" she motioned to the other, "Don't get them mixed up for heaven's sake or you'll be out there all night"

Strax remained stationary, just out of reach of the paper.

"And yes you can move now!" Jenny growled, her accent getting thicker the angrier she allowed herself to become.

Strax smirked triumphantly to himself and gave Harry a conspiratorial look.

"The boy loses battle focus at the slightest taunting" Strax drove a glorious fist upwards in a triumphant jerk of his cumbersome body, "His greatest tactical weakness! Take note for future warfare, recruit!"

Strax's humour soon dissipated at the deathly glare that Jenny was aiming at him and the Sontaran visibly blanched as he shuffled forward to extract the paper from the woman's hands.

"To the "Mary's" house…right" he agreed sheepishly, ushering Harry to the door as he scuttled away from Jenny as quick as his stout legs would allow. The young Harry gave Jenny a mixed apologetic and grateful glace as he was pushed unceremoniously towards the front of the house and out of the woman's sight.

* * *

Work. Work would prove that she wasn't completely inept.

Vastra stared blankly at the desk in front of her, in the same position she had been for the past 20 minutes or so, willing her fading mind to come back to some form of reason. When she had first left the company of the others, she had only intended to rest, but her experience on the stairs had shaken her self-confidence, and so she had forced herself to attend to her duties and try to write a coherent report of what had happened with the fog people for Scotland Yard. So far, the exhausted lizard woman had managed to draw a piece of blank paper and lay it before her. Writing words was a distinctly higher level of skill; one which felt completely lost to her in the present moment.

Vastra pulled back suddenly as the desk began to rapidly encroach on her blurry vision; she had been moments from crashing her scaled forehead onto the beautifully polished oak surface before her. Shaking her head ruefully, she lightly slapped the side of her face and focussed on the candle shimmering in the gloom of the room as the dawn rose outside; it was lucky she had no hair, or she might be aflame by now. She chuckled to herself at the thought, which quickly morphed into a yawn and a gratuitous stretch of her aching arms and shoulders.

No. She must work. She would not let herself be taken by weariness like some frail, elderly mammal. She was a proud warrior, and she had not been trained to be so fallible. She would not be taken by the follies of this ape society and their dramas; she would rise above them like the superior creature that she was.

Fighting back an urge to shut her eyes, Vastra reached for the ornate writing pen she kept for her most important reports and made to move the ink pot within range, but only succeeded in tipping the pot over onto the paper. Her heart lurched as the little clay-coloured stoneware pot toppled, and managed to write it with a deft flick of the hand before it rent too much damage. But ugly black ink still blotted the paper and the desk. The Silurian threw up her hands in frustration and growled gutturally all the way up to the back of her throat; now all she could do was hope to clean it up before-

" _When will you ever learn?_ "

"Goddess!" Vastra jerked reflexively out of her reverie, throwing herself out the chair and snapping round to face the unimpressed looking woman who stood watching her, arms crossed and foot tapping on the floor as she raised a dark brown eyebrow. Vastra placed a hand over her rapidly pacing chest as it rose and fell manically and regarded her wife with wide, frightened eyes, revealing the azure depths within, "How did you…"

"You're  _that_  bleedin' tired you didn't even hear me come in" Jenny answered, before Vastra could finish the question, "You've made a mess I see" Jenny inclined towards the desk with her head.

Vastra looked guiltily back at the spoiled paper incriminating her on the desk behind her, and managed a small shrug in the direction of her unimpressed wife, keeping one hand on the chair to balance herself and give strength to her aching legs.

"Accidents happen?" she attempted pathetically, anticipating failure.

"Not to you they don't" Jenny declared.

Vastra let her shoulders drop in surrender, as if to admit her defeat.

"I..." she began, but ultimately trailed off into a loud, resigned exhalation of breath, "I will not be weak" she stated stubbornly.

"Who's calling you weak?" Jenny coughed indignantly, "After the roundabout we've been on tonight with that blighter Able Hecklington I think you could be forgiven for wanting to sit down for five bloody minutes!" Jenny was trying hard to keep her manner firm with Vastra, as she knew the reptile could be terribly obstinate, and going soft on her would not yield results. However, it was difficult to remain unyielding towards the sorrowfully shattered Vastra as she desperately tried to stand up straight and appear unaffected by the events of the investigation.

"I am not some hatchling" Vastra growled in her usual refractory manner, "I am more than capable of…"

Vastra stumbled as she moved forward and let go of her anchor on the seat, revealing her suffering tellingly as she struggled to support her own weight on her failing limbs. Reaching out protectively, the Silurian managed to clamber toward the bed and sit down, burying her thumb and forefinger of her left hand into her eyes whilst scowling bitterly. Jenny had to bite her tongue hard and clench her feet to the floor to stop from lurching forward and crying out in alarm; she had to maintain her resolve, just a little longer.

"Okay" Vastra conceded.

Jenny breathed a grateful sigh of relief and moved to stand before Vastra as the Silurian begrudgingly started to let her defensively tightened muscles relax.

"There ain't no shame in restin'" Jenny reassured, bending down so she was looking slightly upwards at the Silurian's dipped head.

"I was almost not enough today" Vastra admitted, closing her eyes sorrowfully.

"What?" Jenny countered, confused.

"Without Strax, we would have died" Vastra declared, "If he had not been the reckless idiot he is and jumped through that roof, we would have succumbed to the smoke and perished, amongst other incidents"

Jenny felt a small twinge of guilt at her earlier impatience with the Sontaran; Vastra was completely right, without him the night could have descended into deadly depths on multiple occasions. The Sontaran had rescued the lad Harry repeatedly, beat down several doors and walls, found the tin containing the smoke wisp, manned the containment vessel when examining the specimen, suggested the best room to defend and led them out of a passage of his own making, driven the carriage away, and finally jumped through the roof of Crystal Palace to drown the smoke in snow and save them all. He had even saved Jenny personally when he warned her of the smoke drifting behind her and through the door. Her temper with the alien might flare from time to time, but they all owed their lives to his rash bravery and obsessive tactical planning.

"It's  _ok_  to rely on other people" Jenny placed a comforting hand on one of Vastra's knees, which shook from exhaustion, "You don't have to do it all!"

"You are both my responsibility" Vastra gritted her teeth, "Without me you would-"

"Be dead?" Jenny cut in, "Last time I checked, it was you who dragged me off the streets"

"And into more danger!" Vastra exploded, "Strax won't live forever, he's a clone designed for warfare!" a look of sadness brushed across her eyes at the thought, easily missed to those who did not know the Silurian as well as Jenny, but caught instantly by the young human.

"Humans don't last forever either, love" Jenny added knowingly, "Neither do you lot, even though you live so bloody long!"

"But if we lost him…" Vastra placed a tentative hand to Jenny's cheek, which the woman leaned into, compassion shimmering in the cerulean depths of the Silurian's eyes, "I might not be able to protect you" a huge sigh lifted Vastra's tired sternum and settled it into a more relaxed, slouched position, unlike her usual tight posture.

"Well, I seem to remember taking out a few of the fog people myself, y'know?" Jenny gave the Silurian a playful shove, earning her a curl of the scaled lips that revealed Vastra's mirth at the gesture.

"You were very proficient with that pole of yours" Vastra chuckled, remembering her wife's earlier heroics, "Does it take your preference to the sword?"

"Not bloomin' likely!" Jenny laughed, "But as you would say…" Jenny struggled to get her mouth around the phrase she was forming, "Diversify-"

" _Your strengths_ " Vastra completed for her, nodding to herself in a satisfied bob of the head, "Maybe I underestimate you my dear, I am truly proud of you" Vastra titled her body to the side of her, and Jenny followed the gaze to push herself off her haunches and sit next to Vastra, "I just can't stand the thought of…"

"Shush now" Jenny chided, cupping the Silurian's jaw and kissing her on a defined cheekbone, "I'll keep learning so long as you keep teaching"

"You must remind me to allow Strax a minor increase in his weapons allowance, and perhaps permission to build more escape routes…" Vastra mused.

"Now you're definitely losin' it in y'er old age!" Jenny exclaimed playfully.

"Perhaps" Vastra shrugged, unconcerned, "But if it is a choice between being overwhelmed in one's home and allowing our round-headed friend to dig a few more tunnels…"

"As long as 'e doesn't bring the 'ouse down" Jenny added warily.

"I shall ensure that no major structural changes damage the integrity of the house, my dear" Vastra smirked, raising her eyebrows coyly and turning to pull herself completely on the bed and lay behind her grinning wife.

"I like it when you talk posh to me" Jenny admitted, with a self-congratulatory smile invisible to Vastra.

"Undoubtedly, it is of the highest efficacy to my desired outcome" Vastra commented, playing along as she let her head sink into the pillow.

"I don't care what that means" Jenny declared, pushing herself up and twisting to crawl across to Vastra and straddle her body, kneeling over the Silurian on hands and knees, their heads close.

"Why…" Vastra's eyes glittered with amusement, even through her exhaustion, "Just this"

"You have an art of getting' your own way Missus" Jenny chided, irritated by both her own weakness and the rising flush in her cheeks, nuzzling her nose down to Vastra affectionately.

Vastra responded with a grateful kiss, which deepened very rapidly into a passionate embrace.

"Thank you" Vastra whispered through a rushed breath.

"Y'know, great as Strax is, he is out of the house right now" Jenny joked, trailing kisses down the Silurian's pulsing neck, "I can think of other ways to work hard without y'er even getting up off the bed…"

"There are certainly some situations where his help is not required" Vastra hummed pleasantly at the sensation of the human's tongue on her skin.

"I'm sure I'll be more than enough for you  _Ma'am_ " Jenny teased as moved back to Vastra's eye line and winked.

The Silurian was inclined to agree.


	14. Gravestones Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for falling off the face of the Earth for two months. I'm back on it now and will be updating Black Velvet soon!
> 
> So, just in case the title of the chapter doesn't give this away already, this chapter will ultimately contain character death and my take on the ultimate passing of the characters. So if you don't like that or it upsets you, then perhaps best not to read on - the first part is just set up, but part two will involve these themes.
> 
> If that's ok with you, then I hope you enjoy the read.

**_2014_ **

Clara squinted against the chill wind that stung her apprehensive eyes. She wasn't sure it was the weather than was making her shiver, or the prospect of seeing what she had journeyed here to see. But she knew it was necessary.

"Too many" she whispered pensively, "Why are there always so many?"

She flicked her sleek brown hair out from where it was flapping into her cheeks, and took in the imposing sight before her; jagged black spikes long lost to erosion, a plethora of discarded junk food packaging, and a weathered sign that simply stated.

"Red_or_ Cemetary"

Clara sighed, wondering what her chances of finding what she was looking for were if they couldn't even maintain their own sign. Her expectations would have fallen right there along with her expression, except it was impossible to have a lower expectation than she already had. Clara didn't believe that this cemetery would brew success any more than she had the last five. But she had made a promise, and at least the tip for this one had seemed remotely credible; that was more than she could say about the others. Heart full of nervous trepidation and nascent hope, she gingerly placed forward a hand to ease open the gates and walk through. Her mournful, black coat swayed in the persistent wind, and the young woman flinched as she touched the entrance to the dark graveyard, half worried that her delicate touch would be enough to shatter the rusting gate entirely.

But under duress, it creaked open, and left Clara to observe the lightly climbing hill, and the nonsensical arrangement of gravestones, all dramatically varying in height, upkeep, and quite simply how much the family had been able to pay at the time. A slinking path ran between planned patched of grass, each with their own family of memorials huddling haphazardly within the confines of their safe island. Around this dizzying array of grief lay armies of despondent trees, dark in both bark and leaf, sheltering this despondent display from the prying eyes of the outside world. Or perhaps protecting the outside world from looking in. She couldn't tell.

Huddling her snugly fitting coat round her, and tightening the waistband, Clara contemplated where to begin. She did not entertain leaving; she had to as least try, no matter how unfriendly the atmosphere. Her breathing shattered the oppressive silence as her leather boots crunched down on the dirt path, following the first direction which felt sensible.

She began to glance down at the graves as she passed them by, searching for some sort of indicator that she was in the right place.  _Fred Banks – Dedicated Husband, 1903-1955_ , passed her by to her left, his gravestone so darkened she almost couldn't make out the epitaph.  _Maud Busby – Loving mother – 1900 - __ , Clara couldn't even decipher the last date on that one, poor lady – her memory was now crooked, forgotten, the gravestone barely maintaining its upright position. The third one she regarded just looked like a haphazard stone; not one word was legible.

She paused and rested on a bench, which like everything else in this cemetery deserved better upkeep than it was currently receiving. Slats were missing from the seat, and the plaque on the back ( _For Barbara)_ was scored and scratched through vandalism, bringing up shiny lines in its otherwise dull plate. Clara glanced at the feminine, silver watch on her wrist, not to check the time but as an act of resignation. She knew she should leave but she had  _hoped_ , just hoped that perhaps she'd be lucky today. The longer she stayed here, the more depressed she felt about her chances; but it was so important to her that she saw this to its conclusion.

Clara's reverie was momentarily broken by the movements of some woodland creature behind her, panicking and scarpering off before she had time to see what it was other than a brown streak, but causing enough noise to make her jump. She took that as her cue to leave and rose sadly from the despondent bench.

As she began to move however she noticed a man in the distance, bent over and cleaning a certain gravestone reverently. He was about 100 metres away up the hill, and hadn't seemed to have noticed her, but seemed utterly tireless in his care. Clara briefly considered approaching him; perhaps he worked here, or if he came here often he may at least know the layout of the place and how to navigate it better than she would. Before she could choose however, the man suddenly turned as if he knew he was being watched, and waved at her tentatively, clearly surprised at the company. Clara cocked her head and smiled impishly at her luck, and sauntered up the hill towards the waiting man, embracing the opportunity.

* * *

As Clara approached the ruddy faced man, she could already perceptively feel the kindness in smiling blue-grey eyes and worker's hands. He was clean shaven, with a happy face and a sprig of haphazard white hair sticking from the top of his head. An oversized, clearly hand knitted jumper with a confusing array of colours engulfed his body and the top of his beige, corduroy trousers. He smiled widely at Clara's approach, placing down the soft brush he was holding and letting it fall into the bucket he had next to him.

"Well I'll be" he breathed enthusiastically, "And here was me starting to think I must be dead too!"

Clara smiled warmly at the gentleman.

"Family?" she asked politely, nodding towards the grave he had been cleaning.

"Eh? Oh no my love, nothing like that – before my time as much as I wished otherwise. You could say I'm just a bit of an admirer" he grinned at his cryptic assertion and winked at the younger woman, who laughed quietly back, "Have time for an old man's stories?"

Clara was halfway between humouring him and respectfully removing herself from the situation, as it appeared he would know no more than her about this wretched place when she caught the name on the grave he was cleaning, and her breath hitched in excitement.

_Madame Vastra – Lizard from the Dawn of Time, Dedicated Wife and Friend._

_Anger is always the shortest distance from a mistake._

_? BC – 1940._

The man stopped in his incumbent explanation and regarded Clara thoughtfully, whose eyes had involuntarily begun to well with emotion before she could reign it back in.

"So you've heard of them!" he beamed, "Well you could knock me for six, I thought it was just me!"

Clara's eyes naturally drifted to the next immaculately clean grave, and was unable to stop a stray tear from renegading against her attempts at subtlety and rolling down her face.

_Jenny Flint – Brave Warrior and Loving Wife. Friend to all._

_Defied convention and time._

_1860s-1940_

Clara hummed in amusement despite herself; Vastra's age was never going to be clearly documented but she supposed Jenny's hadn't been the easiest to work out either due to her estrangement from her family. Perhaps she had even wilfully forgotten in her later years.

"They say there was a third" the man almost wheezed as he ran a wrinkled finger over the top of Jenny's grave, deep in thought, "A man, no less – their close friend and butler. But legend has it he was conscripted, World War One I believe..." he sighed regretfully, "I've never been able to track down what happened to him for certain"

Clara felt her heart stutter beneath her shuddering breast and placed a hand to stroke her sternum. Her limbs felt oddly light, as if the shock of finally finding what she had been searching for had dashed all the blood from her body. Clara closed her eyes to try and stem the flow of tears, afraid of having to explain her association with Madame Vastra and Jenny Flint to a stranger who would be unlikely to understand (despite being undoubtedly lovely).

"Did you" the man shook his head as if to chide himself, "No, no you're obviously far too young" after a few seconds though, he looked up expectantly at Clara, "But they do say great things, you know, about what can happen with  _time_. Great things, great people" he smiled reverently at the two graves, "They say that these two were exceptional. I've read it all; saving people, solving mysteries, pioneering modern technology, even challenging accepted social norms…" he held the pause, waiting to see if Clara would fill it, and continued when she didn't, "You know I wouldn't be surprised if-"

"I knew them" Clara spluttered out, grief tightening her voice as the man's wistful descriptions of her late friends send a slideshow of memories cascading through her mind.

"So it is true" the man smiled triumphantly, "Time travel, the lot of it" he rubbed his hands together, and then caught himself, remembering Clara's mournful presence, "Sorry love" he apologised, "It's been many years I have waited to hear that I'm not crazy"

Clara managed to cough out a laugh at that, and stroked the man's shoulder affectionately.

"You're not crazy" she sniffed, carefully trying to cover the tracks of her crying, "Thank you for looking after them" she added sincerely.

Clara moved closer to the graves and crouched before them. She started to draw her fingers through the letters of the names and cursed herself for letting two more go without a proper farewell. There always seemed to be more loss just waiting at the precipice, and life with the Doctor was akin to always hanging your foot over the edge, risking what lies beneath. The cold stone sent shockwaves down her petite fingers, as if the pair were trying to communicate with her – but she knew that was just her fanciful imagination.

"The things they say…" the man continued, "Why, it wasn't even legal in those days, but they say they were  _married_!" he chucked incredulously, "To think of how brave they must have been, to do a thing like that in  _Victorian_  times" he stroked the top of Vastra's grave affectionately, "Life has not been kind to people like them in  _my lifetime_  for Christ's sake"

"They  _were_  brave" Clara agreed, "In  _so_  many ways" she choked slightly and brought a thumb and forefinger to her eyes, "But they loved each other" she smiled through her anguish at that thought, "I think that was all they needed"

She looked up at the man, and as he looked down at her from above, Clara could see a tell-tale glimmer in his aging eyes. She rose slowly and without much thought, wrapped her arms around him in shared grief, taking in the musky, itchy fabric as her head rested on his shoulder. They stood for a moment in this strange tableau before with a sharp intake of breath, Clara drew back.

"Bless you my dear" he sniffed, wiping his eyes on the back of his tatty jumper clumsily, "You've made an old man happy"

Clara bit her bottom lip, as she considered the relative merits of simply leaving the exchange there, or pushing the details further. She was frightened of what discovery she may make, but natural curiosity was not going to let her walk away without the full story.

"They died in the same year?" Clara ventured, probing for an expansion from the man.

"The same day love" he confirmed, regaining his composure seemingly with the excitement of recounting the story, "Did you never hear of what they called The Second Great Fire of London?" he regarded Clara inquisitively as the brunette shook her head quizzically, and then continued, "The whole of Paternoster Row was destroyed" he stated, eliciting a horrified gasp from Clara, "They say over five million books perished in the blaze"

Clara felt her heart lurch against her chest in rebellion and for a second time considered that she may not benefit from learning exactly how her beloved friends had passed away; would it not be better to remember them as she had known them? She looked down once again at the immaculately preserved names, and then considered the stranger who had tended to them all these years. Without this kind man faithfully restoring the memories of two of her dearest friends, these gravestones could have been another corroded monolith of time; a monument to the disinterest of time as it forcefully marched on.

She owed them the dignity of being remembered; of their final moments not being lost.

"What do you know?" her lopsided smirk as she turned her head confirmed her determination, and the man seemed buoyed by her enthusiasm.

"Well" he gestured to her to follow him, as he began to slowly walk back to the bench that Clara had previously been seated on, "What you have to remember, is that Ms Flint was rather old by 1940…"


	15. Gravestones Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I went a bit mad on the sadness in this chapter...sorry. But it's hard to resolve these two given the lifespan discrepancy without some huge deus ex machina IMO. Will try to give nothing more away...
> 
> WARNING: I know I said it before but I will say it again - this chapter will involve major character death and descriptions of chronic illnesses. I don't want to upset anybody so if you don't want to read about these topics or are sensitive on these topics right now, maybe don't read this one - thanks :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually finishing this, I can't believe it. This is the last part of this collection of one shots and it has been a pleasure to write it (shout outs to the 1-2 people left who are probably reading this haha - I love you lots).
> 
> I will be focusing on writing my new DW fic, which these two will play a part in at some point, head over to the fic Black Velvet if you are interested.

**29th December 1940.**

Jenny Flint hadn't been truly sure of her birthday for a very long time now. It wasn't something that she had considered important, and even less so after she had run away from home. Aside from that, even before her family had passed away, she wouldn't have been able to ask them for the date. She suspected that even if she had the chance to ask them, they might not have remembered; or conversely, had intentionally forgotten it.

Despite it never being much of an irritation to her, in her old age it had actually served as quite the convenience. She had declared herself seventy some years ago, and since then had refused to budge from the number either way. She told herself it didn't matter, and it was probably incorrect anyway, she knew she was born in the 1860s  _at some point_. Her wife tended to disagree:

"Incorrect administration of time and date can lead to critical errors in an investigation" she had huffed after the fourth year in a row the human's age had miraculously failed to advance any further. Jenny smiled when she recalled the affronted look Vastra had given her when she had challenged the Silurian to accurately name her  _own_  age.

Vastra had insisted it wasn't the same. Jenny had argued that proportionally, it probably was.

She started to laugh, which unfortunately brought about a painful cough, scraping at her throat and lungs. She tried to stifle it as she tried to sit up, her frail body shaking beneath her cotton nightgown and knitted bed jacket; she didn't want Vastra to worry over her. But muffled footsteps slowly gaining volume and proximity told Jenny that she had failed in this endeavour. She reached for the drinking glass on the bedside table and drank through the dull chest pain until the spasm calmed, and patiently waited for Vastra's frenzied visit.

She hated this.

They called it " _malignant disease_ " or " _Cancer_ " – Vastra had at length explained what this meant, and how treatment for such diseases was so primitive compared to Silurian society, but Jenny failed to see how this knowledge was going to help her right now. The fatigue was what affected her the most; some days it didn't hit her so badly, but she had been unable to get out of bed today. Jenny thoughtfully stroked her fingers over her wrinkled palms and regarded her face in the freestanding mirror on the opposite side of the room. Grey hair and frustrated eyes stared right back at her. Vastra insisted that she was still as handsome as the day they first met. On days like today, Jenny failed to see the resemblance to her younger self.

Jenny had historically feared old age; not because of death though - her bravery was renowned and she had many times almost died in battle. What she had feared was the dichotomy it might create between her and her wife. The average Silurian lived to 200-250 years old, and even allowing for Vastra's time before hibernation, that still left her with a lot more life to go than Jenny, and the human was already acutely aware that she had already made it well above the average lifespan (no matter what age she was purporting to be).

She could remember bringing this up with Vastra decades ago, back in 1890 sometime, and the Silurian had been resolute in her promise to stay beside the shorter-lived human. That had been the day Vastra proposed to her; at that thought Jenny felt a contented warmth spread within her, and for a second she could just about forget she was ill, or old. Vastra had kept that promise after all; and had done her best to stem the symptoms of Jenny's condition. Surgery wasn't an option, and Vastra had been insistent that the treatment she could provide would be better than the primitive radiotherapy of the age. It wasn't a cure, but it had allowed Jenny to live much longer than anybody could have expected. Jenny didn't make a habit of asking too many questions on the subject, preferring to trust her life in her wife's hands and let whatever happened take its course. Vastra had had a long time to build up that laboratory of gadgets and trinkets she curated, and she spent endless hours down there these days, attempting new ways to combat Jenny's ailing health. When she felt up to it, Jenny would perch in her brown, patterned armchair in the corner of the lab and watch her wife work, flitting between talking and comfortable silence. On days like that, Jenny knew that she had never been happier.

But today was unfortunately not one of those days.

The door burst open as the sound of distant footsteps became urgent and immediate. Vastra's worried face followed, frightened and loving eyes zeroing in on Jenny within seconds. Jenny was, as ever, equally jealous and also appreciative of just how well Silurians carried their age. Her eyes and slightly out of breath countenance belied some of her age, but aside from that, Vastra's features were as regal and stunning as ever. She looked casually resplendent in her modern slacks and blouse pulled up to the elbows, green skin glowing with the exertion of speeding to Jenny's side. In all her years, Jenny still hadn't worked out what she had done to deserve a happy lifetime with her Silurian wife; she often had the uneasy feeling that she had cheated fate out of her true destiny of an early grave. She had been minutes away from that before Vastra had intervened, and it had been statistically much more likely, given her background.

"Are you alright my dear?" she strained, rushing over to the side of the bed and kneeling down to look up at the human, "I heard-"

"A cough ain't gonna kill me love" Jenny croaked unconvincingly, cupping an affectionate hand around Vastra's chin, "Not yet anyway" she added mischievously, earning her a hiss from Vastra.

"Not funny" Vastra cocked her head and raised what you might call her 'brow', "You know I don't like leaving you on your own"

"Why?" Jenny smirked, "It's not like I'm going anywhere is it?"

Vastra smiled coyly, "Very droll" she turned to kiss the freckled hand and pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the bed, "One would almost assume that you had lured me here" she dipped her head and glanced at Jenny cheekily.

"Well you know I would never kick you out of bed" she smiled as Vastra scooted over to sit next to her, "I happen to have married the most beautiful woman in all of London" she added, leaning her head against Vastra's shoulder and cuddling into her, the closeness distracting her from the remaining dull ache plaguing her body that she had failed to alert her wife to.

"Soppy thing" Vastra shook her head in exasperation, "You know I –"

But when she looked down, Jenny was already peacefully dozing.

* * *

After she was certain that it wouldn't wake her, Vastra had gently removed Jenny's head and laid her back down in the bed to rest, but tarried a little to gently stroke the silvery white hair, still tied back in a bun after all these years (Jenny saw no need to change such a practical hairstyle, despite Vastra's frequent encouragement to let it down). She knew that Jenny wasn't telling her the true extent of the discomfort she was in, but subtle body cues were all that Vastra needed to see the effect the illness was having on her: a barely detectable wince of the eyes, the stiff, brittle way she sat, the sheer lack of movement on a day to day basis…she could do all she could with her treatments and remedies, but Vastra knew she was fighting to stave off the attack. She couldn't win.

Tactically she knew retreat was the logical option in such situations; her Silurian tutors would scoff at her desperate struggle to preserve her companion. Of course it was all eugenics and survival of the fittest with that lot, not exactly a shining example of compassion. Vastra on the other hand, would give anything to trade her wife's situation with her own (and had even, in a moment of what could almost be called insanity, seriously tried to research if that was even conceptually possible).

She knew the price of falling in love with a human had likely been the curse of outliving them, but it had only recently that this inevitable future had started coming in to focus, and now it felt like an uncomfortable close-up. There had been many times that Vastra had pondered, or indeed had to face the loss of her dearest companion. From every way she looked at it, she couldn't see a life without her wife. Jenny was the reason that she had found a reason to thrive in modern day Earth; she'd given her a purpose, and then a friend, and eventually love. She'd shown her, in direct comparison, just how much her influence had changed the Silurian when they had a run in wither her past self. That had been showcased no better than the two times that Jenny had definitively "died" in front of her – one time leading to unadulterated anger, the other to pure despair. Vastra didn't fancy her chances much for the third time round.

So she worked, and she researched, and she spent every waking moment either tending to Jenny or looking for ways to help her. It helped her retain focus in an era where everything appeared to be falling apart. She planted a gentle kiss on her wife's cheek and wistfully remembered when they were famed as the "Great Detective" and her cunning assistant. But that was a World before war had consumed every facet of daily life; where strike after strike rained down on the defiant capital. That was a World before Strax went ' _missing in action'_  during World War One. Vastra paused in her ruminations, and desperately hoped he was still out there somewhere, terrorising whoever he had come to reside with this time.

But she couldn't count herself as special and she told herself she must stay rational; this was no different than what the rest of society was dealing with in these times. So many people had seen their families torn to shreds from war; lovers lost, sons and daughters perished, mothers and fathers gone. She counted herself lucky that they had made it this far, and she would take every moment she could until that was not the case.

She smiled down at the diminutive woman who slumbered beneath her, Jenny's breath was slightly laboured but eyes remained calm and peaceful. Vastra's heart swelled with affection for the human and she could not help but be grateful for the long and happy days that had been afforded to her. It was a stark comparison to what she thought her life would become when she had first awoken in a violent rage in the same tunnels where her sisters had perished. She had Jenny to thank for that, and it was for that reason Vastra ignored the urge to curl up beside her wife and removed herself to return down to the lab and continue her work, because every extra second she might win back was worth it.

* * *

It was the sound of the air raid siren that woke Vastra up from where she had fallen asleep on the counter. She had worked into the night on a medicine that she hoped would greatly lessen the pain that Jenny was in, and possibly slow the growth of the disease (although that part seemed more uncertain – Vastra had already planned at least five more tests she could run to try and improve its efficacy). She'd tested it on herself, and aside from the side effect of drowsiness (compounded by her staying up late anyway) she had managed to dull the headache that she had worked up through overwork all day. If Vastra was honest, she had been grateful of the compulsion to rest that the drug had created; it had forced her not to keep going as she had done nearly every night since Jenny had been diagnosed.

Needless to say, the awakening was not welcome for a number of reasons, least of all Vastra's growing tiredness.

No matter how naturally calm Vastra was, there was something about the whining tone of the air raid siren that encouraged panic in the Silurian. As she threw herself up, she nearly barrelled into a collection of various gadgets and potions that had been piled up haphazardly behind her. The lab was almost a museum at this point; collections of Vastra's "discoveries" and "treasures" that Jenny had never even attempted to tidy at any point in their marriage. As far as the human was concerned, Vastra's lab was a "no go zone". A quick scan around revealed a mounted Sontaran Battle Armour (one of Strax's, damaged), the remnants of the MURDER device that had killed Jenny's father (also non-functional), and Vastra's beloved katana propped up against the wall – one of the only things in the room still in pristine condition, she still ran through the movements every now and then to keep herself fit. There was so much more hidden away, little more than relics now, but they gave Vastra comfort. She liked to be reminded of everything they had done together; it gave proportion to the situation they were in now; the difficulties they faced now were small compared to their history.

Once she had self-righted, Vastra stumbled hurriedly back into the hallway, only to be assailed by the only sound that frightened her more than the air raid siren.

_Jenny. In pain._

The groaning was too much for Vastra to bear, and she felt a terrible pang of guilt that she had slept through it – so much so that without a second thought she raced back up the stairs (two at a time, not easy at her age) to her wife's side. As she burst through the door, the volume of Jenny's discomfort sharply rose, and she could see the human curled up in the foetal position to one side with her back to her, fists clenched together and face screwed up in agony.

"Leave me – it will pass" Jenny sobbed.

"Don't be so ridiculous!" Vastra ran to her side and stoked her forehead, tucking back the hair that had fallen out and stuck to her damp skin, "My love – we have to go to the shelter, the siren-"

"I said leave me!" Jenny repeated.

Vastra was struck silent by the demand, which was not something which happened often. A muffled bang in the distance snapped her back to the present moment.

"Jenny – I'm not going anywhere without you – I promise!" she insisted, "If you can't get up, I'll just have to carry you"

"No!" Jenny protested, "Please don't move me!"

It was no good, thought Vastra, but then it hit her that she had the solution to this; the medicine she had just made should be fast acting enough to-

Vastra looked down at her hands, in her haste to attend to Jenny she had left it all back down in the lab.

" _No"_  she breathed; of all the times to lose her composure, this had to go down as one of the worst.

She looked mournfully over her wife, whose uncomfortable squirming only confirmed what Jenny had already asserted – she wasn't going anywhere fast. Vastra's heart swelled with a wave of compassion before she kissed Jenny lightly on the forehead, and turned to track back to the lab.

"I won't be long" she promised, as she tore out of the room.

If Vastra had thought she was running fast  _up_  the stairs, the way she threw herself back down them bordered on some form of Olympic feat. She was briefly reminded of her youth, of daring battles with clockwork droids and headless monks, of gracefully entering battle wrapped up in cloth, clad in a black cat suit. On reflection, perhaps a staircase was not her greatest ever challenge, but at that moment it felt like skiing down a mountain on a tea cup.

As she slammed into the lab, she could see the vial she had been meaning to take upstairs sat neatly in its wooden holder. Grasping it as if her very existence depended on it (and it very well might, she thought grimly), she raced back up the stairs without breaking step, a growing cacophony of bangs and drones providing the accompaniment to her desperate plight.

Jenny was suspiciously still and quiet when Vastra returned, but it was with a gush of dizzying relief that she realised that the human's pain had merely relaxed rather than the woman passing away in the time it had taken to return, as she noted the rise and fall of her side.

"Jenny, my love" Vastra babbled, setting herself down on the side of the bed, "Drink this" she ordered, noting a flash behind the curtains – incendiary bombs, this was escalating fast, Vastra thought, "Quickly, we have to hurry!"

For all of her previous protests, Jenny meekly obeyed now, apparently cowed by the departure of the pain and exhausted from the aftereffects. Vastra sat her up gently but firmly, and held the bottle to her lips, making soothing shushing noises as the woman took back the medicine. Once it had all been consumed, Vastra threw the vial down, inadvertently smashing it on the floor in her haste to get to safety. She made a mental note not to get Jenny out of that side of the bed.

After a few moments, Vastra could see Jenny's eyes start to brighten, her complexion begin to look less pale, and the Silurian silently congratulated herself for such an ingenious solution, or she would have if the loudness and intensity of the Blitz wasn't encroaching upon them both at a dangerous rate.

"Can you get up?" she asked, urgently.

"I think so, now" Jenny croaked, "Thank you – how did you-"

"No time" Vastra concluded, "I'll explain later, come on!" Vastra looped her arm around the frail human and guided her to the side of bed that was not littered with broken glass. Letting Jenny lean heavily on her arm (well, as much as the small, elderly woman could), she began to lead them out of the room as fast as possible to try and make it to the shelter, or at least to one of Strax's infamous escape tunnels.

But it was still achingly slow, and Vastra's keen ears could hear the chaos closing the distance on them. It didn't take much of a calculation in her astute mind to work out that their chances of making it to safety were slimming at a rapid pace. She could almost see the window of opportunity for escape closing right in front of her; it was barely a slither as it was, but it was still possible right at this moment...if she left Jenny behind, which was not an option.

Jenny was however just as intelligent as her wife in her own way; she could feel the tension in Vastra's arm, see the loss of hope in her eyes, and hear the bombs just as well as the Silurian, and she had noted that the bombardment sounded particularly heavy. She hadn't quite been as alert as usual when she had agreed to take the medicine and let Vastra corral her out the door, but now she could see everything very clearly. As far as she could ascertain, if they took a direct hit she wasn't going to survive – but that did not mean she had to take Vastra down with her. They had only made it halfway down the stairs, and even then they were going to have to either go outside or underground, without her Vastra could run and surely make it through the night.

"My heart" she implored.

"What?" Vastra infuriatingly halted to care for her wife, only lessening her chance to get away, "Chest pain?"

"No you scaly fool!" Jenny exclaimed, "I meant you!" she steadied herself on the wall and planted her feet determinedly, " _My heart_ " she emphasised, "I am not going to reach the shelter. You know it, I know it" Jenny took a shaking arm and gestured down the stairs, "Go" she commanded, turning her head away so she didn't have to look Vastra in the eyes.

Another loud bang, the house shook and the street lit up through the windows.

"If you think I'm leaving you-" Vastra tailed off as Jenny crumpled to the floor, her legs giving way suddenly. Falling to her knees, Vastra wrapped the woman up in her arms, "I will never desert you"

"Vastra" Jenny cried, burying her head into the lizard woman's chest, "Don't die for me you idiot, I'm already finished but you-"

The front door blew out as a deafening bang spurred the woman to cling closer together.

"Jenny" Vastra shouted over the rising anarchy outside, "I'm staying" she finished.

As Jenny held on to her wife as if the bond between them could beat off the German onslaught, she realised that if it was any other way, she would not love Vastra as fiercely as she did.

"I know" she sighed, somehow feeling safer than she ever had, and held on in silence as their world was consumed with a bright light, and she was in pain no more.

* * *

By the end of the man's story, Clara's face was wet with tears that had fallen freely and silently.

"I know love" the man comforted kindly, "Many people were lost in those days" he added, letting the peace fall naturally between them.

There was a sense of freedom in knowing how it had happened, Clara thought, and being assured that they had been together, and with a long life behind them. It didn't help the prevailing emptiness at the knowledge that two of her dearest friends were departed from this world, but that was the curse of a time traveller; people were always left behind.

"Tell me dear" the old man placed a steadying hand on Clara's shoulder, "I can rest once I know – were they cared for?"

"Oh yes" Clara reassured through welling eyes and a breaking voice, "They were  _loved_ " she affirmed, the confidence in her voice resounding like a promise kept.

The old man smiled and Clara returned the gesture, nothing more needed to be said.


End file.
